Tangled Web and Silent Contemplation
A moth, caught in a tangled web. a web of emotions, both good and bad. today was a day, to quote Niki. a day of missed opportunity due to confusion, paranoia and pessimism. of realizations, conversations, one word, and silent contemplation at the back of a bus.
Missed opportunity: before my bus ride home, i had the chance to hitch a ride with Tori, and even to just see her makes me happier. but my fears and pessimism when it comes to anything concerning someone i feel for. so i decide to say hello, good bye, and take the bus home. my fear in this is that she didnt want to see me, because i always get an "i dont know" if i ask when she wants to see me next. the next time is see her, i want her to want to me to be there with her.
Ah the web of emotions that have surrounded me: fear, lust, desire, infatuation, passion, hope and lack there of, denial, love. all these things i feel, the fear of doing something wrong, the lust and desire for 2 people, passion for that which i should hold off on, hope for a good outcome, lack of hope in fearing the worst. denial of things that shadow me, happiness in her presence, love for one.
A tear rolls down my cheek and settles on the coller of my shirt, a tear of the fear, of confusion, of hope that my fear is wrong, of a wish, of the happiness i feel.
i see, i hear, i tried to help. i see someone in either denial, or that is just playing a game. i hear of how he lacks the words, or eyes to see the truth of beauty. i tried to help, but in vain. they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, were that might be true, and i have been called delusional, and wrong, multiple times on this one, but in my eyes both Tori and Niki are extremely beautiful, and Niks, your beauty goes far beyond your lip rings. the desire to hear those words not only from me, and not hear them makes me sad. thinking the game is happening, i dont want a game to be played here. sadly, if there is a game being played, i forsee it being a long one. for one side wont stop it, and the other side controls the board. for the one that wont stop, there is lots of people out there that are not bad for you, that will show you affection and see what this beholder sees.
i sat quietly on the bus, that tear held back from the public, my headphones on, and me staring out the window into the night. all that i want, all that i know i can wait for flashing through my head. after the conversation with niki i cant stop thinking, if what i want doesnt fit with what i am, what do i do... what do i do...
but enough of that, time to look up and forward. to let the flow of confusion and negitivity roll down that path i dont want to be on. time to concentrate on the happiness and hope, leave the fear on the wayside.
and now the quote of the entry:
"You call it madness, but I call it love."
-Don Byas
Missed opportunity: before my bus ride home, i had the chance to hitch a ride with Tori, and even to just see her makes me happier. but my fears and pessimism when it comes to anything concerning someone i feel for. so i decide to say hello, good bye, and take the bus home. my fear in this is that she didnt want to see me, because i always get an "i dont know" if i ask when she wants to see me next. the next time is see her, i want her to want to me to be there with her.
Ah the web of emotions that have surrounded me: fear, lust, desire, infatuation, passion, hope and lack there of, denial, love. all these things i feel, the fear of doing something wrong, the lust and desire for 2 people, passion for that which i should hold off on, hope for a good outcome, lack of hope in fearing the worst. denial of things that shadow me, happiness in her presence, love for one.
A tear rolls down my cheek and settles on the coller of my shirt, a tear of the fear, of confusion, of hope that my fear is wrong, of a wish, of the happiness i feel.
i see, i hear, i tried to help. i see someone in either denial, or that is just playing a game. i hear of how he lacks the words, or eyes to see the truth of beauty. i tried to help, but in vain. they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, were that might be true, and i have been called delusional, and wrong, multiple times on this one, but in my eyes both Tori and Niki are extremely beautiful, and Niks, your beauty goes far beyond your lip rings. the desire to hear those words not only from me, and not hear them makes me sad. thinking the game is happening, i dont want a game to be played here. sadly, if there is a game being played, i forsee it being a long one. for one side wont stop it, and the other side controls the board. for the one that wont stop, there is lots of people out there that are not bad for you, that will show you affection and see what this beholder sees.
i sat quietly on the bus, that tear held back from the public, my headphones on, and me staring out the window into the night. all that i want, all that i know i can wait for flashing through my head. after the conversation with niki i cant stop thinking, if what i want doesnt fit with what i am, what do i do... what do i do...
but enough of that, time to look up and forward. to let the flow of confusion and negitivity roll down that path i dont want to be on. time to concentrate on the happiness and hope, leave the fear on the wayside.
and now the quote of the entry:
"You call it madness, but I call it love."
-Don Byas