Doctor Who Fic: Rose's Choice (1/1)
I meant to write a fic with desperate snogging in it (perhaps even that elusive "fade to black" moment), but my muse will only allow Rose and Ten to cuddle and hold hands and otherwise act like adorable eight-year-olds. I am sorry, world.
Title: Rose’s Choice
Disclaimer: Doctor Who belongs to the BBC and Co. As in, not me.
Pairing: Ten/Rose
Summary: She never expected to be angry with the Doctor for coming back for her. But a choice that once seemed so simple was now overwhelming.
Spoilers: Post-Doomsday, vague general Torchwood spoiler.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 2, 087
A/N: I know, another post-Doomsday reunion fic. I just... my fangirl heart can't accept that they're separated forever. *weeps*
Rose rifled through the last files of the day. Steam wafted from the mug of coffee sitting on the corner of her desk, and the fading sunlight darkened the corners of the room, spilling shadows along the carpet. She didn’t look up at the knock, muttering what passed for a polite “come in” as she signed a report on deep-ocean disturbances, reaching for her coffee with the other hand.
“Rose.”
The coffee slipped from her fingers, crashing on her desk and emptying on the report. She looked up, the hand with the pen coming up to spoon protectively against her chest
It was him.
For long moments, she only gaped. The shock made her stupid, made it so she couldn’t think at all.
She had to be going mental. This couldn’t be. Not now.
For years after saying good-bye at Bad Wolf Bay, she’d turn a corner, half-expecting to find him, hands shoved into pockets, half-smile on his face. Or she’d wake up at all hours of the night, swearing she heard the TARDIS.
It never seemed possible. It wasn’t fair for the universe to keep them apart forever. It was mad. To think she could just… just see everything she saw and then settle down for a regular life on earth.
But things were finally going well in Rose’s life. Steady job. Good boyfriend. House with a mortgage. She was moving on, living the same adventure as every other human being on the planet.
So he couldn’t just pop back in now like nothing had changed, like she didn’t have a life.
The Doctor mistook her shock for happiness, breaking out into a wide grin. “Hello,” he said. “Look at you, Rose Tyler. An office with your own view.”
He waited for her to say something, same smile on his face. When he didn’t get anything, he scratched at the back of his neck and said more seriously, “Blimey, there’s so much to tell you. I don’t even know where to begin. And you must have work to do. Big head of Torchwood and all that. But I… I had to see you, first thing.”
He moved forward, and Rose hastily backed away, banging into the corner of her desk. The Doctor stopped, smile slipping from his face, and Rose felt like she couldn’t breathe. The office swam and she wondered if someone could pass out from an increased heartbeat. This was a dream. This had to be a dream.
“You can’t be here,” Rose whispered. “You told me. You said so. You said I would never see you again.”
“Right,” the Doctor said carefully, eyeing her like any sudden move might break her. “Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve done the impossible.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, and met her eyes. “It’s me, Rose. Honestly, it is.”
She pressed a shaking hand to her mouth. “Why now?” she said. “Of all the times you had to-why now?”
“There’s a rift, in Cardiff. A friend helped… I just-I thought…” he trailed off, and then, sounding defeated, added, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. If I’d known you… I’ll go. Like I wasn’t even here.”
She sucked in a sharp breath of hair, her head weightless, like she was drowning. Oh, god, she didn’t know if that was worse. Him never coming at all.
And as furious as she was, as inconvenient as this could be, she couldn’t help the small flare of joy. He’d come back for her. He found a way through. For her, Rose Tyler.
She muffled a sob against her hand. When she looked up, the Doctor seemed torn between leaving and staying.
“I never thought I’d see you again,” she warbled, beginning to cry in earnest. “I hoped. For so long. But you… you were gone…”
She didn’t know who moved first. But they hugged so tightly, she felt like she might burst. She pressed her face to his shoulder and took heaving pants of air, sobbing until she thought she would break.
“Shh,” he whispered in her ear, but she only shook her head.
It would all change now. Her happy, stable life. There was so much to mourn. But she knew. She knew she could never say good-bye to the Doctor. She could never let him walk away if she had the choice.
He pulled away as her sobs quieted, and framed her face with both hands. She knew she looked frightful-swollen eyes, makeup tracked down her cheeks-but he smiled, eyes deepening with fondness. Rose smiled back, biting down on her bottom lip to control her emotions.
“Hello,” he said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
She laughed, a gravelly, freeing sound. She felt nineteen again. She felt like she was gripping his hand as they ran down an uncertain path.
But then he shook his head and released her. “I shouldn’t have come.”
“No, Doctor, I…” she struggled, and then gave a hopeless shrug. “It’s just been so long.”
“You’ve moved on,” the Doctor said. “Done well for yourself.”
Rose looked down at her feet. “Yeah. Yeah, I have.”
“I should’ve realized,” he said. “It was unfair to think I could…”
“What?” she whispered, wondering if it would be better if he didn’t ask her to come along, if he spared her from having to make that choice.
The Doctor scrubbed at his chin, and spoke with difficulty. “Boyfriend? Husband? Kids?” He paused, and then added, “There’s a ring on your finger.”
“I-oh,” Rose said, blushing. “Yeah-no, I mean… just a boyfriend.”
Another part of her life destroyed by the Doctor’s reappearance. Lazy Sundays in bed. Pancakes and syrupy kisses. Someone who preferred the domestic path. Who would grow old with her.
“Congrats,” the Doctor said, flashing the fakest smile she’d ever seen. To himself, he added, “You found someone. Of course you found someone.”
He shook himself, and added cheerily, “Doesn’t matter, does it? You could bring him along. Wasn’t so bad when Mickey came, was it?” A thought struck him. “Oh, god, you’re not engaged to Mickey, are you?”
She laughed and shook her head at the same time, clutching her stomach. “No, not Mickey.”
“Well, then, who…” the Doctor swallowed, giving up the cheery pretense. “You know what? Never mind. Don’t want to know. Unless you’re bringing him along. Then I suppose I’ll have to know.”
Rose smiled sadly. “Don’t have to worry. Don’t think he’s the sort of bloke who could wrap his mind around something like the TARDIS.” She struggled for a moment. “Besides, wouldn’t be right, would it? Third wheel and all that.”
“I could think of worse things to be,” the Doctor said. “And wheels can be handy. For rolling. And cars. Hmm? Cars. Wouldn’t run without wheels.”
“Not you,” Rose said. “Him! What do you think will happen, Doctor? You and me-we…”
They did it before. To Mickey. To Jackie. To everyone. She’s not sorry for it, no. But anyone who traveled with them would be an outsider.
“Oh,” the Doctor said, pinched look on his face. She could tell he was trying to conceal his relief. “Well, then…”
Tears threatened her vision, but she blinked them back. So many people to say good-bye to. Mum and Dad and her baby sister-not even a baby anymore, could hardly be said to be a baby at ten-years-old.
She’d never watch her grow up.
The Doctor still couldn’t get it out. She watched him mouth a few words, and he shoved his hands back in his pockets, frowning uncomfortably.
“It’s alright, Doctor,” she whispered.
He took that in. Unfurling his hands from his pockets, he closed the distance between them, stopping so he could meet her eyes.
“Last time, you didn’t have a choice,” he said. “And it should be your choice to make, whichever it is. Not mine. Not Pete’s. Yours. Rose Tyler-”
“Hang on!” Rose interrupted, stopping him mid-sentence. He closed his mouth, obviously disgruntled. “Just… didn’t want you fading away or nothing, yeah?”
They shared a soft smile.
“I’m not going anywhere,” the Doctor said.
As if to prove it, he reached out one hand, skimming it along her cheek, and then touching the corner of her mouth with his thumb.
“Now you’re just trying to distract me,” Rose said.
The Doctor’s hand dropped back down to his side, and he averted his gaze to the window, clearing his throat.
“Just… just isn’t fair,” Rose said. “Making me choose. What sort of person’s supposed to give up her family? Forever?”
The Doctor nodded automatically. “If my people were here. They…” Perhaps realizing that line of thought never did him any good, he switched gears. “It is unfair. Terribly unfair. I shouldn’t ask it of you.”
“But how can I say good-bye again?” Rose said. “Now that I’ve only just got you back.” She wiped at her eyes. “I can’t.”
She never expected to be angry with the Doctor for coming back for her. But a choice that once seemed so simple was now overwhelming.
“Do you remember what I said, back at Canary Wharf?” Rose said. “I said I wasn’t ever going to leave you. That I'd made my choice.”
“That was a long time ago,” he murmured. “Ten years now, almost.”
“Not so long for a Time Lord,” Rose said, voice catching. “Bet it’s barely a blink of an eye for you, isn’t it?”
He looked down at her, and she could see him struggling in the same way she was. “Not so long, no.”
She drew in a breath. “Meant what I said then. That hasn’t changed.” Even if everything else has.
The Doctor’s eyes softened, and he tucked one hand behind her neck, pulling her close to embrace her. She sniffled in his arms, resting her chin on her shoulder.
“Rose, I can’t have you coming along and then regretting it. You understand what this means, don’t you? The breach in Cardiff… it can’t sustain this. It’s a one-way ticket.”
“I know,” Rose said.
“Do you?”
She fiddled with his tie. Remarkable that he could still be so much the same. She wondered what she’d do if she went with him and he regenerated on her again. What if he didn’t want her any longer? What if he found another Madame de Pompadour? What would happen when she got old? Where would she go?
“Why did you come?” she said. “What if-Doctor, what if you came back and I was married or had a family? Or old? Or-”
“Don’t suppose I gave it much thought,” he said. “Or any thought at all, really. Saw an old friend. Took a chance.”
He stated the last bit like it was the simplest choice in the world.
“Rose,” he placed one hand on hers, and then tipped her chin up with the other. “I wouldn’t blame if you didn’t want this. Not anymore. You wouldn’t be the first. It’s in human nature to want to settle down. And I can’t.”
But he came back for her. He could’ve found another companion-probably did find other companions, many other companions-but he still came back to her first chance he got. On the half chance she might still want him.
“My choice, yeah?” she said.
He ducked his chin. “Your choice.”
“This universe wasn’t ever right for me, Doctor.” She didn’t know if that was quite true, but it sounded good and she decided to believe it. “Never belonged here. Working for Torchwood. Feels like I’ve sold my soul.”
Cautious hope made his eyes seem warmer. “Is that so?”
“I don’t know what I’m gonna tell them,” Rose whispered. “How I’m even going to explain… we have time, don’t we? Don’t got to be back in a sixty-seconds or nothing horrible like that?”
“We have time,” the Doctor said, squeezing her hand. “All the time you need.”
”Don’t suppose you could stay in this universe, could you?” Rose whispered. “At least for a little while?”
He gave her a small smile in answer, and she nodded. “They need you back on the other earth. It’s where you belong.”
He looked at her with so much pride and admiration that Rose felt buoyed. “You’ll have to come with me,” she said. “To say good-bye. And if Mum hits you, it’s not my fault, yeah?”
“I’ll be there,” the Doctor said.
Rose looked down a their entwined fingers. She took a deep breath. “Just need a hand to hold.”
Title: Rose’s Choice
Disclaimer: Doctor Who belongs to the BBC and Co. As in, not me.
Pairing: Ten/Rose
Summary: She never expected to be angry with the Doctor for coming back for her. But a choice that once seemed so simple was now overwhelming.
Spoilers: Post-Doomsday, vague general Torchwood spoiler.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 2, 087
A/N: I know, another post-Doomsday reunion fic. I just... my fangirl heart can't accept that they're separated forever. *weeps*
Rose rifled through the last files of the day. Steam wafted from the mug of coffee sitting on the corner of her desk, and the fading sunlight darkened the corners of the room, spilling shadows along the carpet. She didn’t look up at the knock, muttering what passed for a polite “come in” as she signed a report on deep-ocean disturbances, reaching for her coffee with the other hand.
“Rose.”
The coffee slipped from her fingers, crashing on her desk and emptying on the report. She looked up, the hand with the pen coming up to spoon protectively against her chest
It was him.
For long moments, she only gaped. The shock made her stupid, made it so she couldn’t think at all.
She had to be going mental. This couldn’t be. Not now.
For years after saying good-bye at Bad Wolf Bay, she’d turn a corner, half-expecting to find him, hands shoved into pockets, half-smile on his face. Or she’d wake up at all hours of the night, swearing she heard the TARDIS.
It never seemed possible. It wasn’t fair for the universe to keep them apart forever. It was mad. To think she could just… just see everything she saw and then settle down for a regular life on earth.
But things were finally going well in Rose’s life. Steady job. Good boyfriend. House with a mortgage. She was moving on, living the same adventure as every other human being on the planet.
So he couldn’t just pop back in now like nothing had changed, like she didn’t have a life.
The Doctor mistook her shock for happiness, breaking out into a wide grin. “Hello,” he said. “Look at you, Rose Tyler. An office with your own view.”
He waited for her to say something, same smile on his face. When he didn’t get anything, he scratched at the back of his neck and said more seriously, “Blimey, there’s so much to tell you. I don’t even know where to begin. And you must have work to do. Big head of Torchwood and all that. But I… I had to see you, first thing.”
He moved forward, and Rose hastily backed away, banging into the corner of her desk. The Doctor stopped, smile slipping from his face, and Rose felt like she couldn’t breathe. The office swam and she wondered if someone could pass out from an increased heartbeat. This was a dream. This had to be a dream.
“You can’t be here,” Rose whispered. “You told me. You said so. You said I would never see you again.”
“Right,” the Doctor said carefully, eyeing her like any sudden move might break her. “Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve done the impossible.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, and met her eyes. “It’s me, Rose. Honestly, it is.”
She pressed a shaking hand to her mouth. “Why now?” she said. “Of all the times you had to-why now?”
“There’s a rift, in Cardiff. A friend helped… I just-I thought…” he trailed off, and then, sounding defeated, added, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. If I’d known you… I’ll go. Like I wasn’t even here.”
She sucked in a sharp breath of hair, her head weightless, like she was drowning. Oh, god, she didn’t know if that was worse. Him never coming at all.
And as furious as she was, as inconvenient as this could be, she couldn’t help the small flare of joy. He’d come back for her. He found a way through. For her, Rose Tyler.
She muffled a sob against her hand. When she looked up, the Doctor seemed torn between leaving and staying.
“I never thought I’d see you again,” she warbled, beginning to cry in earnest. “I hoped. For so long. But you… you were gone…”
She didn’t know who moved first. But they hugged so tightly, she felt like she might burst. She pressed her face to his shoulder and took heaving pants of air, sobbing until she thought she would break.
“Shh,” he whispered in her ear, but she only shook her head.
It would all change now. Her happy, stable life. There was so much to mourn. But she knew. She knew she could never say good-bye to the Doctor. She could never let him walk away if she had the choice.
He pulled away as her sobs quieted, and framed her face with both hands. She knew she looked frightful-swollen eyes, makeup tracked down her cheeks-but he smiled, eyes deepening with fondness. Rose smiled back, biting down on her bottom lip to control her emotions.
“Hello,” he said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
She laughed, a gravelly, freeing sound. She felt nineteen again. She felt like she was gripping his hand as they ran down an uncertain path.
But then he shook his head and released her. “I shouldn’t have come.”
“No, Doctor, I…” she struggled, and then gave a hopeless shrug. “It’s just been so long.”
“You’ve moved on,” the Doctor said. “Done well for yourself.”
Rose looked down at her feet. “Yeah. Yeah, I have.”
“I should’ve realized,” he said. “It was unfair to think I could…”
“What?” she whispered, wondering if it would be better if he didn’t ask her to come along, if he spared her from having to make that choice.
The Doctor scrubbed at his chin, and spoke with difficulty. “Boyfriend? Husband? Kids?” He paused, and then added, “There’s a ring on your finger.”
“I-oh,” Rose said, blushing. “Yeah-no, I mean… just a boyfriend.”
Another part of her life destroyed by the Doctor’s reappearance. Lazy Sundays in bed. Pancakes and syrupy kisses. Someone who preferred the domestic path. Who would grow old with her.
“Congrats,” the Doctor said, flashing the fakest smile she’d ever seen. To himself, he added, “You found someone. Of course you found someone.”
He shook himself, and added cheerily, “Doesn’t matter, does it? You could bring him along. Wasn’t so bad when Mickey came, was it?” A thought struck him. “Oh, god, you’re not engaged to Mickey, are you?”
She laughed and shook her head at the same time, clutching her stomach. “No, not Mickey.”
“Well, then, who…” the Doctor swallowed, giving up the cheery pretense. “You know what? Never mind. Don’t want to know. Unless you’re bringing him along. Then I suppose I’ll have to know.”
Rose smiled sadly. “Don’t have to worry. Don’t think he’s the sort of bloke who could wrap his mind around something like the TARDIS.” She struggled for a moment. “Besides, wouldn’t be right, would it? Third wheel and all that.”
“I could think of worse things to be,” the Doctor said. “And wheels can be handy. For rolling. And cars. Hmm? Cars. Wouldn’t run without wheels.”
“Not you,” Rose said. “Him! What do you think will happen, Doctor? You and me-we…”
They did it before. To Mickey. To Jackie. To everyone. She’s not sorry for it, no. But anyone who traveled with them would be an outsider.
“Oh,” the Doctor said, pinched look on his face. She could tell he was trying to conceal his relief. “Well, then…”
Tears threatened her vision, but she blinked them back. So many people to say good-bye to. Mum and Dad and her baby sister-not even a baby anymore, could hardly be said to be a baby at ten-years-old.
She’d never watch her grow up.
The Doctor still couldn’t get it out. She watched him mouth a few words, and he shoved his hands back in his pockets, frowning uncomfortably.
“It’s alright, Doctor,” she whispered.
He took that in. Unfurling his hands from his pockets, he closed the distance between them, stopping so he could meet her eyes.
“Last time, you didn’t have a choice,” he said. “And it should be your choice to make, whichever it is. Not mine. Not Pete’s. Yours. Rose Tyler-”
“Hang on!” Rose interrupted, stopping him mid-sentence. He closed his mouth, obviously disgruntled. “Just… didn’t want you fading away or nothing, yeah?”
They shared a soft smile.
“I’m not going anywhere,” the Doctor said.
As if to prove it, he reached out one hand, skimming it along her cheek, and then touching the corner of her mouth with his thumb.
“Now you’re just trying to distract me,” Rose said.
The Doctor’s hand dropped back down to his side, and he averted his gaze to the window, clearing his throat.
“Just… just isn’t fair,” Rose said. “Making me choose. What sort of person’s supposed to give up her family? Forever?”
The Doctor nodded automatically. “If my people were here. They…” Perhaps realizing that line of thought never did him any good, he switched gears. “It is unfair. Terribly unfair. I shouldn’t ask it of you.”
“But how can I say good-bye again?” Rose said. “Now that I’ve only just got you back.” She wiped at her eyes. “I can’t.”
She never expected to be angry with the Doctor for coming back for her. But a choice that once seemed so simple was now overwhelming.
“Do you remember what I said, back at Canary Wharf?” Rose said. “I said I wasn’t ever going to leave you. That I'd made my choice.”
“That was a long time ago,” he murmured. “Ten years now, almost.”
“Not so long for a Time Lord,” Rose said, voice catching. “Bet it’s barely a blink of an eye for you, isn’t it?”
He looked down at her, and she could see him struggling in the same way she was. “Not so long, no.”
She drew in a breath. “Meant what I said then. That hasn’t changed.” Even if everything else has.
The Doctor’s eyes softened, and he tucked one hand behind her neck, pulling her close to embrace her. She sniffled in his arms, resting her chin on her shoulder.
“Rose, I can’t have you coming along and then regretting it. You understand what this means, don’t you? The breach in Cardiff… it can’t sustain this. It’s a one-way ticket.”
“I know,” Rose said.
“Do you?”
She fiddled with his tie. Remarkable that he could still be so much the same. She wondered what she’d do if she went with him and he regenerated on her again. What if he didn’t want her any longer? What if he found another Madame de Pompadour? What would happen when she got old? Where would she go?
“Why did you come?” she said. “What if-Doctor, what if you came back and I was married or had a family? Or old? Or-”
“Don’t suppose I gave it much thought,” he said. “Or any thought at all, really. Saw an old friend. Took a chance.”
He stated the last bit like it was the simplest choice in the world.
“Rose,” he placed one hand on hers, and then tipped her chin up with the other. “I wouldn’t blame if you didn’t want this. Not anymore. You wouldn’t be the first. It’s in human nature to want to settle down. And I can’t.”
But he came back for her. He could’ve found another companion-probably did find other companions, many other companions-but he still came back to her first chance he got. On the half chance she might still want him.
“My choice, yeah?” she said.
He ducked his chin. “Your choice.”
“This universe wasn’t ever right for me, Doctor.” She didn’t know if that was quite true, but it sounded good and she decided to believe it. “Never belonged here. Working for Torchwood. Feels like I’ve sold my soul.”
Cautious hope made his eyes seem warmer. “Is that so?”
“I don’t know what I’m gonna tell them,” Rose whispered. “How I’m even going to explain… we have time, don’t we? Don’t got to be back in a sixty-seconds or nothing horrible like that?”
“We have time,” the Doctor said, squeezing her hand. “All the time you need.”
”Don’t suppose you could stay in this universe, could you?” Rose whispered. “At least for a little while?”
He gave her a small smile in answer, and she nodded. “They need you back on the other earth. It’s where you belong.”
He looked at her with so much pride and admiration that Rose felt buoyed. “You’ll have to come with me,” she said. “To say good-bye. And if Mum hits you, it’s not my fault, yeah?”
“I’ll be there,” the Doctor said.
Rose looked down a their entwined fingers. She took a deep breath. “Just need a hand to hold.”