I want so badly to believe that there is truth, that love is real.

[tearingpages]

I've been falling short of expectations for quite some time now. I don't think I can ever go back to who I was. I want to so badly though. Today I realized that this isn't just a problem, it's become my life. It's because I can't handle all of this change, it's too sudden. My life is changing too quickly for me. I really thought I was going to be okay but it's all falling apart. I just need someone, anyone to be a constant, I need someone to hang onto while everyone else leaves. I know we'll still see eachother, but it's not going to be the same ever again. And I understand why you have to, and I totally support you all the way. I just need one single person to be here with me. Because I haven't had one of those for a while. I've stopped caring about getting my heart broken, I'm not sure if there's even much left of it now. This is ruining everything that used to be good about me. I don't know what I'm becoming, but I don't like it. And I'm so sorry for it. I love you all.

XXX Amanda