I'm OK
Well, Brandon came over last night to pick up more of his stuff. We had it out on each other. You see, he is 'seeing' The Whore and we all know what that means. *breathes deeply* After the yelling and screaming, we actually got to talking. Brandon was as honest with me as he ever was. He finally told me he was afraid of commitment. He told me it was too hard talking to me sometimes because I always have to be right. This is not the first time I've heard this (and I've been hearing this from my family for ages). He acknowledged the fact that the way he went around this was wrong, and that he was a jerk. I told him that I shouldn't have pushed so hard: I was the one who talked him into moving in together, who hounded him about proposing and I didn't let us take a break when he wanted too. I admitted that maybe this whole mess could have been avoided if I had only listened more. Basically, we both agreed that a break was best for us and ended up parting on good terms. We're going to try to civil, if not friendly toward one another. To make a long story short, I finally feel like I have closure.
Now, I know you are all wondering if I would *still* take him back after everything that has happened between us. It is hard to answer. I can honestly say that if he came back six months to a year from now the answer would be no. I want to enjoy time doing everything single college seniors do because, you know, I haven't been single in years. I don't want to have to feel like I should answer to anyone. I want to be just me. If he was to come back after that, then we will see. I'm not putting my life on hold.
You know what I realized last night? If I can get the money I may actually be able to travel to Russia someday! I'd like to get a PhD in Russian History, so it would be an awesome experience someday! It's a goal to aim for. :D There is so much I want to do now!!! I am thrilled about this next stage in my life. I know that no matter what happens, when I am 80 I will look back on my life and think, 'God was good to me.'
God bless everyone!
Now, I know you are all wondering if I would *still* take him back after everything that has happened between us. It is hard to answer. I can honestly say that if he came back six months to a year from now the answer would be no. I want to enjoy time doing everything single college seniors do because, you know, I haven't been single in years. I don't want to have to feel like I should answer to anyone. I want to be just me. If he was to come back after that, then we will see. I'm not putting my life on hold.
You know what I realized last night? If I can get the money I may actually be able to travel to Russia someday! I'd like to get a PhD in Russian History, so it would be an awesome experience someday! It's a goal to aim for. :D There is so much I want to do now!!! I am thrilled about this next stage in my life. I know that no matter what happens, when I am 80 I will look back on my life and think, 'God was good to me.'
God bless everyone!