Agents of SHIELD 102: 0-8-4
Dear Person in Charge who is Probably Not Joss Whedon Given the Quality of the Dialogue:
Okay, I'll stick this out for a little longer, but seriously guys there was very little I liked in that episode and a lot I didn't. The worst of it was there were glimpses of what this could be. Tiny little pin pricks of light gleaming through the wtf.
"I read the brochure."
"That's a first." (?)
Melinda May is amazing. More May. Lots more. Other than that little two liner, she got the only good dialogue and her delivery was absolutely believable. Although given that her character can't believe she's part of this group, that may be a bleed over from the actress.
I like Coulson's pretty much involuntary (possibly robotic) response to anyone mentioning Tahti. And I'm glad it's magic somewhere because it sure as hell isn't magic here.
Coulson is smarmy. He needs to stop smiling. Okay, he doesn't need to be boning Hawkeye and I liked he had a past but he needs to show quiet competence. The kind of competence that would have got him the plane and the team in the first place. The whole overcompensating mancave comments are only funny if they're not true. When everything you've shown us says they are, then they're just pathetic. Coulson can't be pathetic. He has to be a stealth bamf if this is going to work. Okay, the "More of an afterlife." line was funny. The rest, not so much.
Ward is a dick. I can cope with that but if he's a dick, let him be a dick for Godsake. Let him slowly be convinced that this group is worth it because they're good at what they do. Jayne was a dick and we all loved him, you know how to do it!
The science twins are incomprehensible. I've got ten seasons of Sam Carter's technobabling under my belt, and I can understand my Uncle Dave when he gets home from the Legion and his Glasgow accent is so thick you can bottle scotch in it, but I couldn't understand a word they said. SLOW DOWN, fcol. We'll forgive a lot (see previous statement re Sam Carter) but only if we can hear it.
Skye. I don't know why you're there either. We'd better get an actual reason soon. Also, your hair annoys me. I'm not sure why.
The writers need a primer on how not so secret kickass government organizations function. SHIELD is not Torchwood. You don't miraculously become an agent because an agent thinks you have potential -- not that the viewers were shown why that particular agent has that particular belief. And if SHIELD is Torchwood, I want Captain Jack. Also, half the action, twice the dialogue.
Samuel Jackson has an amazing voice. You know what kills that? Giving him bad dialogue he has to run together to get out in time. Yeah, you paid a crapload of money for the effect so it had to be in but you probably paid a crapload of money for Jackson too and we'd all rather see him than another hole in a plane.
Slow down the entire show. You can't compete with the big screen on the gosh wow stuff -- stop trying, it's sad -- engage brains and hearts. Aliens have invaded New York, this is a new world... so why does it look, as was pointed out at AfterElton, like an episode of the ATeam?
And fire your cinematographer.
Not a lot of love.
me