stumble
i wonder if reoccuring dreams have a more than abstract meaning behind the waking moments, or if it just means i daydream too much about a certain person that even in my sleep i can't stop daydreaming. i take naps like kittens & i am becoming terrified that i will dream away my life like sleeping beauty or something along those lines.
there is this choking emotion that is slowly growing in the bottom of my belly. & when i say choking, i do not mean wrapped up in someone's heart sort of choking, i mean terrified to death.
i am scared that i am not growing into the right kind of skin that i wanted for myself two years ago when i was happy & spinning off love and the whole world's energy. i wanted to isolate myself from the rest of the universe so i could study the universe through telescope eyes and count airplane with this amazing boy while we laid in the grass or in a hammock. i wanted to wake up every morning and write novellas about the night before, document every ounce of emotion i felt through photographs, and smile til my cheeks were pink and red. i wanted something quiet and amazing, almost impossible to have.
but you know, at the time it never felt impossible. it felt like i had a grip on that sort of life right at my fucking fingertips and one day when i woke up, it just slipped away. now i want to be isolated from the rest of human contact because i absolutely can not stand to stare into eyecolours and talk about how i am doing today. chances are, i'm not doing very well.
there is this choking emotion that is slowly growing in the bottom of my belly. & when i say choking, i do not mean wrapped up in someone's heart sort of choking, i mean terrified to death.
i am scared that i am not growing into the right kind of skin that i wanted for myself two years ago when i was happy & spinning off love and the whole world's energy. i wanted to isolate myself from the rest of the universe so i could study the universe through telescope eyes and count airplane with this amazing boy while we laid in the grass or in a hammock. i wanted to wake up every morning and write novellas about the night before, document every ounce of emotion i felt through photographs, and smile til my cheeks were pink and red. i wanted something quiet and amazing, almost impossible to have.
but you know, at the time it never felt impossible. it felt like i had a grip on that sort of life right at my fucking fingertips and one day when i woke up, it just slipped away. now i want to be isolated from the rest of human contact because i absolutely can not stand to stare into eyecolours and talk about how i am doing today. chances are, i'm not doing very well.