Happy Birthday Ric! (OTA but especially Ric)

[angelica_jinx]

Ordinarily, baking was Angel's stress reliever but this time the pressure was on. It was Ric's birthday and she had no idea what she was going to make him. She wanted something funny, manly, and maybe a little dirty but nothing was coming to mind. Angel wasn't very good at being funny on purpose and sadly, Ric would have been the go to guy for

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[movetheearth]

The last day or so has passed in a haze, Ric has barely left his room, choosing to skip eating at the designated meal time because he's just not hungry. Instead he locks himself away in his room. Come morning Ric has barely slept at all, catching only short bursts of sleep that are plagued by violent and vivid nightmares that jolt him wide awake. Eventually he gives up and heads down to the gym, going through the motions of his training regime and barely even thinking about the actions or movements he makes

[angelica_jinx]

"There's the birthday boy!" Angel exclaimed excitedly as she hurried over to him. "Do you know I've been looking for you all over camp? What are you doing--"

She stopped the perky chatter when she was close enough to see the wear on his face from not sleeping and depressed expression that marred every one of his lovely features. "Ric? Are you okay? What's wrong?"

[movetheearth]

Startled from where he's been lost in his thoughts Ric drops his cigarette, swearing under his breath as he reaches down to grab it. Giving it up as a lost cause he stubs out the remains and rummages in his pockets for a new one. The words haven't sunk in yet and as Ric lights a new cigarette and snaps his lighter shut he raises an eyebrow at Angel.

"Birthday? What on earth are you going on about Angel? Whose birthday?" He takes a drag, blowing the smoke up into the air. "I look as rough as I'm feeling? Thought as much."

Lighter back in his pocket Ric pulls out a flask and tips the contents into his mouth, but there is barely anything in the flask, so he gives that up as a lost cause.

[angelica_jinx]

"It's May 31st." She replied gently. "It's your birthday."

Apparently, whatever he was going through had been going on long enough that he lost track of the date. If Angel were a better friend she would probably have some sort of clue what it was all about but she's been a little preoccupied with her own angst.

"You could never look real bad." She tried to reassure him. It was true. He was a good looking guy who looked even better when he was a little scruffy and haggard. Not this haggard but still. Cutie.

"Is it something you can talk about?"

[movetheearth]

"No it's..." Ric trails off and stares at Angel for a moment, clearly he's counting off the days in his head, trying to work out what date he's on and then it hits him. Great. So he gets to celebrate his birthday. Alone. Unwanted. Unloved. The kind of birthday he deserves though if he is honest because he's a fuck up right? And fuck ups don't get to celebrate their 28th birthday with the people that love them.

Forcing a smile which really doesn't reach his eyes Ric tries to put aside the voices of self-loathing. "Awww hermosa, if you weren't so hook, line and sinker for the Captain I'd be wooing you right this instant."

The smile falters though and Ric scrubs a hand over his face. "I'm a fuck up Angel, nothing new."

[angelica_jinx]

"Pfft! Oh please." She protested and gave him a look. "I'm no more hook line and sinker about Ethan than you are about Mar--" Wait. He knew. Well, of course he knew. According to Daken they were the worst actors on the planet. Anyone who had seen the two of them together knew they were gone for each other. And since Ethan and her decided to be public about the whole thing it should have been okay but she still felt a little panicky. She hadn't seen or talked to Vance since she'd come back from Texas. Since she didn't really want to tell him about her relationship anyway, she hadn't exactly searched him out either

[movetheearth]

Oh yeah there's a little smile at the fact that Angel seemed to have missed the fact that the camp were slowly but surely catching onto the fact that the Captain and Angel were more than good friends. "You both went off camp for a weekend, at the same time and possibly one of the soldiers let slip something but I wouldn't worry. The way you two look at each other and seem to gravitate towards each other every single time in the mess hall? Well... it speaks volumes." And Ric really is genuinely pleased for Angel. "You deserve a nice guy like that... but tell me... is he such a stickler in bed

[angelica_jinx]

She made another little sound of protest. "I can't believe you would just assume that I... that we..." Give it up girl. The jig is up. Angel sighed. "No. Not at all. He's actually pretty amazing."

Whoa. She was not expecting tears or news that Martini might be leaving him. Angel's eyes welled up. She was a sympathetic crier with most people but especially with guys. Something about seeing someone normally so strong be vulnerable just had this way of squeezing her heart. Slowly, she sat down next to him and wrapped an arm around him and leaning on him so he would know it was okay to lean on her. "Maybe you should start at the beginning." She said softly. Even if she didn't have a solution, sometimes it just helped to talk it all out.

[movetheearth]

Any other time and Ric would goad Angel for more details but there's just no passion from him, no sense of curiosity. Just a silent void where the outgoing Ric once existed within his head

[angelica_jinx]

Wow. How had she missed all of this? She was usually up on base gossip. Ric's situation was a pretty bad one but even after she heard it all, she still didn't think it was hopeless.

"He's going to be hurt. Probably angry but when you tell him you were proving it to yourself that a kiss could just be a kiss maybe it will help him understand why you did it. Like I said, it's the unknown that we fear more than anything. You don't want him to think you did it because you love him less, do you?"

[movetheearth]

The only reason it's been kept on the down-low is because telling other people would mean Ric would have to admit that he was the one at fault and before now? Before this crack in his stability? Well he wasn't prepared to face that.

"But what if he already knows? What if he's already seen what I did and that's why he's ignoring me? It's just... I love him so much Angel. I'd do anything for him. I mean it. I'd die for him but I don't know that he'd hang around to hear my side because he's been hurt before." Wiping at his cheeks Ric draws in a shaky breath and bites at his lower lip. He's silent though, trying to get himself calmed down, rubbing at red and wet eyes and wincing when he brushes over the bruise.

"Lo siento, here I am sobbing all over your shoulder and I just... it's fine. I'm fine." He's sure if he says it enough times it'll stick.

[angelica_jinx]

With Martini that was a possibility but that did beg the question. "If he did though, why wouldn't he just talk to you about it? Wouldn't you have wanted him to? Isn't that a good enough reason to talk to him now? You have to be with him the way you would want him to be with you."

She started to rub his back. "It's okay. I know you're fine. You're going to be just fine. Do you know why? Because every couple goes through stuff." She knew a little about that. "But if you're if you're meant to be, you'll get through it."

It's right about then she remembers her cake and how completely inappropriate it was. "I..well, I, uh, I did make something for you but I don't think you are going to want it now."

[movetheearth]

"Logic and reason don't always apply to Martini..." Ric sniffles and nods though, tugging on his shirt sleeve so he can wipe the dampness from his face and try to make himself look a little more presentable. Which is no easy feat.

He tries not to let the words get to him though but those doubting voices latch onto the if you're meant to be part and start the process of pressing down on the self doubt. Ric shakes his head, trying to clear the noise from his mind without drawing attention to the fact.

"Y-you made me something?" Ric looks genuinely surprised at that and he falters with his words. "You didn't have to Angel. What is it that you've made?"

[angelica_jinx]

"Hey, don't worry but... maybe there is something you can do. Next time you have the urge to do something, imagine Martini doing it. Good or bad. Then notice how you feel about it. If it makes you feel good, chances are it will make him feel good. And the other way around. If it makes you angry or frustrated, say like watching him kiss someone else, then it will likely make him angry or frustrated. I know it sounds too simple but there is no rule that says it has to always be hard."

And if all that insight were turned toward her, she would have to admit if Ethan were still in love with his ex she'd panic and probably cry. Of course, there were some things a person couldn't help.

"It's really not that big of a deal. I mean it's kind of inappropriate now. I mean it's just a cake but the shape..."

[movetheearth]

Ric nods but he knows that it's all well and good agreeing to such ideas, but carrying them out? Well that is an entirely different matter and something he knows he'll end up failing on. Because he always does, it's just who he is.

"Unless you've made a cake in the shape of Martini's or Adrian or even Rogue's face I'm sure it'll be fine. Anyway it's not just the way it looks that matters, it is the way that it tastes and your baking Angel? It's amazing." Ric nudges his shoulder against Angel's, he's putting on a front of being, or at least trying to be, alright. Though really he's still reeling from the events of yesterday and he's really not dealing with his issues.

But he's smiling and hopefully that will be enough for Angel.

[angelica_jinx]

It really wasn't enough, she'd reather see him have a genuine moment of joy but that's just not going to happen. The best she could hope for was him knowing that she cared.

So she smiled back though her smile was real and sympathetic. "Actually, I made a cake in the shape of lips. I figured it was flirty and a little funny. Little did I know kissing is the root of all your trouble. It is chocolate though. Dark Mexican chocolate with just enough cayenne pepper and balsamic vinegar to really highlight the richness without making it too sweet. The real sweetness comes in with the cinnamon mascrapone icing. It's only a thin layer though. I didn't want to make it all about the sugar. I wanted it to be all about flavor combinations and texture. It's really moist though not super fluffy or dense.