Hey, 2011. Never Thought You'd Get Here.
So it's January 1st, the dawning of a new year. And Monday just so happens to by my 25th birthday, meaning that I've lived a quarter century.
This is good news and bad. I'll start with the bad news first because it sucks being the killjoy. It's bad because I've lived a quarter of a century and I can't, for the life of me, figure out what I've got to show for it. No job. I'm still in school. A rare breed of social life. Complete dependence. I mean, it's dire folks.
The good news is that I'll only be 25, which really isn't too old. Lots of people my age aren't where they imagined they would have been when they imagined their adult lives as children. Because I've done relatively nothing so far, anything I end up doing, at least within the next couple years, will be quite the accomplishment. It's like when the consistently failing student gets a D- instead of an E. Maybe it's not great, but it is at the same time.
I actually feel pretty good about where 2011 and 25 might lead. For the first time in many years, I don't have much of a road map. I honestly have no idea where I'll be or what I'll be doing come December 31, 2011. Where will I be? Who will I be with? That kind of thing.
And, in a way, it's a huge relief. Because, at this point, I just want something new and different. I want to get out of my own way. I want to truly discover who I am and what I'm capable of. I "graduate" in April and the time will come to find a job and let me tell you . . . I'm striking out on my own. I'm leaving here and going somewhere new. And I'm going to cultivate for myself what I haven't been able to cultivate for myself here: Success and friendship.
I've really been making strides in the past few months in figuring out some of my inner-workings. It's kind of scary. There are things I've dug up that I have a hard time even thinking about in my brain. I can't write it down, I certainly can't vocalize it yet. But I'm getting there. And just the notion that I'm becoming more myself, no matter how strange and scary it seems at this moment, is pretty cool. There's something . . . epiphanal (pretend that's a word) about it. Like this huge shift means that things are really just out on the horizon.
I want to kind of . . . re-tool myself a bit. I want to practice before I move out into the great unknown. I want to get more communicative for one. I hold my tongue a lot, whether it's about my opinion or about my life, because I can't really believe that people would want my thoughts or understand my thoughts and I really dislike the attention. But I think it's really stifled me. It's probably why I have things I can't even say out loud in my head. From now on, if you ask my opinion, you'll get it. I'll try to motivate myself to offer information about myself every once in a while, too.
I want to forge community. I want to have that feeling where . . . I'm surrounded by people I know I can count on and who know they can count on me. People I want to open up to and feel like I can open up, too. I think this kind of thing will be the key to my overall success in all areas of my life.
And I really think that 2011 and 25 is the ideal time to really go out and do it. All I need to do is muck through the next four months, practicing bit by bit.
PS: I've been watching Lost. I'm three episodes away from season four, so no spoilers please. But can I just say how shocked I am that my favorite characters are men? That might be shifting, because I have a feeling I'm really going to end up falling in love with Juliet and I already do really love Sun, but I'm so loving Locke, Jin, and Sawyer. And I'm really liking Desmond a bit.
The thing about Lost is that it's not what I was expecting. It's a good show that's well put together, but the constant critical acclaim that it got doesn't make sense to me . . . yet. I do like that it has a sense of humor about itself but I'm frustrated with getting involved in yet another show that produces ten questions for every answer it gives. I just hope the answers are worth it. I avoided spoilers pretty well in real life for all these years because I knew that I'd eventually check this show out, but I definitely have some ideas about what the hell this island is. My guess: Purgatory.
PPS: Next week I'm getting the first disc for Spartacus from Netflix. I debated back and forth for a long time as to where or not I should get it, because as much as I love Lucy Lawless and as smoking hot as I find her to be, I wasn't sure I could handle seeing her naked. It felt like crossing a line. But I've heard a lot of good things about and it's Lucy Lawless, naked or not, so I'm going for it. I'll let you know how it goes.
This is good news and bad. I'll start with the bad news first because it sucks being the killjoy. It's bad because I've lived a quarter of a century and I can't, for the life of me, figure out what I've got to show for it. No job. I'm still in school. A rare breed of social life. Complete dependence. I mean, it's dire folks.
The good news is that I'll only be 25, which really isn't too old. Lots of people my age aren't where they imagined they would have been when they imagined their adult lives as children. Because I've done relatively nothing so far, anything I end up doing, at least within the next couple years, will be quite the accomplishment. It's like when the consistently failing student gets a D- instead of an E. Maybe it's not great, but it is at the same time.
I actually feel pretty good about where 2011 and 25 might lead. For the first time in many years, I don't have much of a road map. I honestly have no idea where I'll be or what I'll be doing come December 31, 2011. Where will I be? Who will I be with? That kind of thing.
And, in a way, it's a huge relief. Because, at this point, I just want something new and different. I want to get out of my own way. I want to truly discover who I am and what I'm capable of. I "graduate" in April and the time will come to find a job and let me tell you . . . I'm striking out on my own. I'm leaving here and going somewhere new. And I'm going to cultivate for myself what I haven't been able to cultivate for myself here: Success and friendship.
I've really been making strides in the past few months in figuring out some of my inner-workings. It's kind of scary. There are things I've dug up that I have a hard time even thinking about in my brain. I can't write it down, I certainly can't vocalize it yet. But I'm getting there. And just the notion that I'm becoming more myself, no matter how strange and scary it seems at this moment, is pretty cool. There's something . . . epiphanal (pretend that's a word) about it. Like this huge shift means that things are really just out on the horizon.
I want to kind of . . . re-tool myself a bit. I want to practice before I move out into the great unknown. I want to get more communicative for one. I hold my tongue a lot, whether it's about my opinion or about my life, because I can't really believe that people would want my thoughts or understand my thoughts and I really dislike the attention. But I think it's really stifled me. It's probably why I have things I can't even say out loud in my head. From now on, if you ask my opinion, you'll get it. I'll try to motivate myself to offer information about myself every once in a while, too.
I want to forge community. I want to have that feeling where . . . I'm surrounded by people I know I can count on and who know they can count on me. People I want to open up to and feel like I can open up, too. I think this kind of thing will be the key to my overall success in all areas of my life.
And I really think that 2011 and 25 is the ideal time to really go out and do it. All I need to do is muck through the next four months, practicing bit by bit.
PS: I've been watching Lost. I'm three episodes away from season four, so no spoilers please. But can I just say how shocked I am that my favorite characters are men? That might be shifting, because I have a feeling I'm really going to end up falling in love with Juliet and I already do really love Sun, but I'm so loving Locke, Jin, and Sawyer. And I'm really liking Desmond a bit.
The thing about Lost is that it's not what I was expecting. It's a good show that's well put together, but the constant critical acclaim that it got doesn't make sense to me . . . yet. I do like that it has a sense of humor about itself but I'm frustrated with getting involved in yet another show that produces ten questions for every answer it gives. I just hope the answers are worth it. I avoided spoilers pretty well in real life for all these years because I knew that I'd eventually check this show out, but I definitely have some ideas about what the hell this island is. My guess: Purgatory.
PPS: Next week I'm getting the first disc for Spartacus from Netflix. I debated back and forth for a long time as to where or not I should get it, because as much as I love Lucy Lawless and as smoking hot as I find her to be, I wasn't sure I could handle seeing her naked. It felt like crossing a line. But I've heard a lot of good things about and it's Lucy Lawless, naked or not, so I'm going for it. I'll let you know how it goes.