More Updates...
02/06/2005
I have been thinking about this one trait, its kinda hard to explain; but basically as after all the time I been burned by love. I am still a lot of faith in love, hopefully I will find a love that will last.
02/08/2005
Well today was a interesting day, my uncles car caught on fire; while I was still in it. The car is now pretty much a shell. I got some extremely minor burns and some singed hair on my head, while I was trying to put out the fire. I had a few people saying that wasn't to smart, I could have been killed. Personally I am not scared of dying, what scares me the most is dying and when I haven't had a chance to live yet. If I had my way I want to die a old man, with my kids and grandkids around me. I know all this sounds really morbid and I hope to whom ever is reading this gets the idea on how precious life can be. Because I spent a good part of my life doing just that, not living; which is a sad state to live in (if you call it living).
02/11/2005
Well my computer more or less crapped out on me, half the space in my hard drive is bad; so I am not down from 60 gigs to 30 gigs. But anyway I got it up and going again, I need to build me a new computer. I've been trying to stay busy lately, because I have trying to figure out all the sh** thats been going on in my heart and mind. I mean sometimes I ask myself “am I really as bad off as people say I am”, personally I don't see it. I know I can't keep running like this forever, thats one of the reasons I keep fighting all thats happening with me. Anyway the burns on my hands and wrists are almost healing. Time for sleep, peace and chicken grease...
02/13/2005
I am thinking about going back to school, I'm not sure what I am going to take. I am thinking about cars, music and computers (go figure on that combination). I even thought about taking some other courses, like theater, physic and some kind of anthropolgy or archeolgy. What I am about to say is vary personal, in hopes maybe someone can tell me what to say or do, or something and I can't believe I am going to put it on the net, but here goes. One of the things that scares me the most is fighting, more so on the yelling part. Because it not only emotional hurts and saddens me, thats one of reasons I try and walk off, before something else happens. I am still vary tempted to just delete this part of me, but I believe I need to do something, because if I don't it will keep going on and I may never break free from it. I am still trying to understand that part of me, I mean I reached in a burning car to try and put a fire out; but that didn't bother me as much as getting yelled at bothers me so much more.
2/18/2005
Something I am still in search of and trying to figure out is love or lack of a love life in my life right now. I been thinking this past valentines day, I am not sure its me missing something or what. I believe in love, as well as there is a true love out their for everyone; but it seems like in the past love doesn't mean much or maybe I am just putting to much into this. If anyone can give me some insight into this it will be greatly apperatied. Maybe its just my country roots showing, but I believe in stuff like this, an other things like loyalty, honor and respect; an thats just for starters. A few times I thought I would be better off being alone, but now I feel totally different on it. I mean the idea of someone loving me as much as I love them, is what I want. Maybe I am just a hopeless romantic, or what ever, I am just hoping it will all come togather in that department...
02/25/2005
Something thats been on my mind the past few days, why it seems like I can't be happy with out all the medication I'm on. I am a lot better then I was, but still it feels like a old wounds that keeps having salt rubbed in it. I don't know whats worse that I am still mentally off or all the stuff I do, to just maintain my mental stability. Anyway I got to go the docs and get more meds now...
I have been thinking about this one trait, its kinda hard to explain; but basically as after all the time I been burned by love. I am still a lot of faith in love, hopefully I will find a love that will last.
02/08/2005
Well today was a interesting day, my uncles car caught on fire; while I was still in it. The car is now pretty much a shell. I got some extremely minor burns and some singed hair on my head, while I was trying to put out the fire. I had a few people saying that wasn't to smart, I could have been killed. Personally I am not scared of dying, what scares me the most is dying and when I haven't had a chance to live yet. If I had my way I want to die a old man, with my kids and grandkids around me. I know all this sounds really morbid and I hope to whom ever is reading this gets the idea on how precious life can be. Because I spent a good part of my life doing just that, not living; which is a sad state to live in (if you call it living).
02/11/2005
Well my computer more or less crapped out on me, half the space in my hard drive is bad; so I am not down from 60 gigs to 30 gigs. But anyway I got it up and going again, I need to build me a new computer. I've been trying to stay busy lately, because I have trying to figure out all the sh** thats been going on in my heart and mind. I mean sometimes I ask myself “am I really as bad off as people say I am”, personally I don't see it. I know I can't keep running like this forever, thats one of the reasons I keep fighting all thats happening with me. Anyway the burns on my hands and wrists are almost healing. Time for sleep, peace and chicken grease...
02/13/2005
I am thinking about going back to school, I'm not sure what I am going to take. I am thinking about cars, music and computers (go figure on that combination). I even thought about taking some other courses, like theater, physic and some kind of anthropolgy or archeolgy. What I am about to say is vary personal, in hopes maybe someone can tell me what to say or do, or something and I can't believe I am going to put it on the net, but here goes. One of the things that scares me the most is fighting, more so on the yelling part. Because it not only emotional hurts and saddens me, thats one of reasons I try and walk off, before something else happens. I am still vary tempted to just delete this part of me, but I believe I need to do something, because if I don't it will keep going on and I may never break free from it. I am still trying to understand that part of me, I mean I reached in a burning car to try and put a fire out; but that didn't bother me as much as getting yelled at bothers me so much more.
2/18/2005
Something I am still in search of and trying to figure out is love or lack of a love life in my life right now. I been thinking this past valentines day, I am not sure its me missing something or what. I believe in love, as well as there is a true love out their for everyone; but it seems like in the past love doesn't mean much or maybe I am just putting to much into this. If anyone can give me some insight into this it will be greatly apperatied. Maybe its just my country roots showing, but I believe in stuff like this, an other things like loyalty, honor and respect; an thats just for starters. A few times I thought I would be better off being alone, but now I feel totally different on it. I mean the idea of someone loving me as much as I love them, is what I want. Maybe I am just a hopeless romantic, or what ever, I am just hoping it will all come togather in that department...
02/25/2005
Something thats been on my mind the past few days, why it seems like I can't be happy with out all the medication I'm on. I am a lot better then I was, but still it feels like a old wounds that keeps having salt rubbed in it. I don't know whats worse that I am still mentally off or all the stuff I do, to just maintain my mental stability. Anyway I got to go the docs and get more meds now...