Soul Survivors, Epilogue
Title: Soul Survivors
Author: tcs1121
Artist: BflyW
Pairing and Characters: Jared/Jensen, Jim Beaver, Chad Michael Murray, Sophia Bush, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Steven Williams, several original male and female characters
Rating: NC-17
Genre: J2 AU, h/c
Word Count: ~41,100
Warnings: This is a story about survivor's guilt. Many people die in different and tragic ways-mostly off screen. Imagined graphic deaths of birds. Suicidal ideation. Religious overtones-no religion bashing. Jensen has a permanent disability.
Disclaimer: Untrue story. Character names are being used without permission. No money changes hands.
Beta: Kee--She never lets me take the easy way out. I don't know what I'd do without her. Thank you so very much.
Special Thanks to spn_J2fan for her read through, insights, and overall kindness. To pennydrdful for expert assistance when I needed it, and to wendy the moderator for the SPN J2 Big Bang 2014
A/N: Please understand that, right or wrong, people grieve in different ways.
Link to bflyw's Amazing Art:~~ HERE~~
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Summary: "We were ordinary people until we became part of a tragedy. We feel guilty for living when others have died. We come together because unless you've been through what we've been through, you can't understand what it's like to be us. We are the survivors."
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In the dark dreary nights, when the storm is at its most fierce, the lighthouse burns bright so the sailors can find their way home again. In life the same light burns. This light is fueled with love, faith, and hope. And through life’s most fierce storms these three burn their brightest so we also can find our way home again.- Author Unknown
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Back to Chapter Five
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"It's the first Monday of the month, so I'll start the session."
Jared looked at his small group: May, who in the wee hours of one terrible morning, lost her husband and two teen-aged sons in an electrical fire. There was Juan, who was standing in line at the wrong club on the wrong night when a drive-by shooting took the lives of his best friend, his cousin, and his fiancée. Tim was there because, one drunken afternoon, he and his big brother Evan were thrown from an ATV. Tim walked away without a scratch. Evan never got up.
"Welcome to the first Monday meeting of the Soul Survivors Support Group." Jared began. "We were ordinary people until we became part of a tragedy. We feel guilty because we lived when others died. We come together here, because unless you've walked in our shoes, you can't begin to understand what it's like to be us. We are survivors."
Jared smiled and said, sincerely, "I'm glad you're all here. Before we go any further, I'd like to re-introduce my partner, Jensen. He is our founding father, as it were."
Jensen stood behind Jared shaking his head, fondly. "I don't know why I put up with him."
"Yes, you do," Jared replied, matter-of-factly.
Jensen rolled his eyes as though he were extremely put-upon.
"Jensen is here, taking a break from his studies, to give us words of wisdom and show his pretty face," Jared said. "He's working on his doctorate in psychology and is learning how to actually run a support group instead of just winging it."
May giggled into her hand. Jensen crutched up behind Jared and sighed, long-sufferingly. "Pay no attention to the man behind the hair," Jensen said. "He has a habit of munching on the organic pesticides he works with."
"Hey, you didn't even notice that I put them in the salad last night." Jared's eyes glittered. "You said the crunchiness gave it character."
"That," Jensen pretended not to hear, "along with the various animals running around the house, it's a wonder we survive at all."
Jared got up and rolled Jensen's computer chair next to him. "You love it."
"So says you." Jensen smiled as he sat.
"So says me."
Jensen shook his head, fondly and then spoke. "Without meaning to commandeer this meeting, I do want to say how glad I am that you are all here. That means you're moving forward, and as a friend of mine says, "Forward ain't always a easy place to go." But, thank God-here we all are, because, believe it or not, it does get better."
"Not all better." Jared gently patted Jensen's left knee. "But better."
"But better." Jensen smiled at Jared, warmly. "I will begin by asking-is there anything anyone would like to say before Jared takes over and no one will be able to get a word in edge-wise?"
Tim raised his hand.
"Yes, Tim?"
"There's a poem that has always been a comfort to me, may I read it to the group?"
Jared and Jensen exchanged a look.
"Go ahead," Jensen said.
Tim pulled a scrap of paper from his back pocket and smoothed it out. He looked it up and down and then began, "Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there; I do not sleep."
After he completed the last verse, Jared stood and said, "Actually, before we start the discussion, I'm going to copy Tim, and go with a poem as well. It was my night for a topic, and after, I'll open up the floor to everyone." He looked at Jensen. "Is that okay with you, Leader?"
"Okay with me."
Jared reached into his breast pocket for the poem and read:
"Abou Ben Adhem
By James Henry Leigh Hunt
Abou Ben Adhem (may his tribe increase!)
Awoke one night from a deep dream of peace,
And saw, within the moonlight in his room,
Making it rich, and like a lily in bloom,
An angel writing in a book of gold:-
Exceeding peace had made Ben Adhem bold,
And to the Presence in the room he said
"What writest thou?"-The vision raised its head,
And with a look made of all sweet accord,
Answered "The names of those who love the Lord."
"And is mine one?" said Abou. "Nay, not so,"
Replied the angel. Abou spoke more low,
But cheerly still, and said "I pray thee, then,
Write me as one that loves his fellow men."
The angel wrote, and vanished. The next night
It came again with a great wakening light,
And showed the names whom love of God had blessed,
And lo! Ben Adhem's name led all the rest."
Jared eyes shone and he folded the paper and said, "So there."
"Thank you," Jensen whispered. "I'm still climbing that ladder, you know. I wouldn't have started without you."
Jared placed the folded poem into Jensen's breast pocket. "You know I'm here to give you a boost when you need it."
"Yeah, I know."
They looked at one another, soft and still with words unsaid and said a thousand times. Both of them moving forward, slipping back and moving forward again in a sad but perfect rhythm. A lifetime ago, and a lifetime beyond and eternity as well-all belonged to them, now.
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Very Special Thanks to my artist BflyW. Collaborating with her and being the recipient of her gorgeous artwork have truly been an amazing and wonderful experience. My deepest and heartfelt thanks, N.
The Ladder of Links
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Need help? In the U.S., call toll free, 1-800-273-8255
The doomed bus, looking down the aisle to where Jensen had been sitting
What Jensen saw out the back window of the bus
Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep-wikipedia
Sweet, sweet, Tesla Model S
Mt. Washington Observatory, New Hampshire
RoTel and Velveeta recipe for Queso
From 2010, the marriage of Cricket and Bones
Jensen's KAFO
scroll down for a better view of his Stance Control KAFO-what can I say, I'm a geek for this stuff
Jared's House
The origin of "Tell Me Something I Don't Know"
"Hope" is the thing with feathers, by Emily Dickinson
William Cowper poem, God Moves in a Mysterious Way
V. Gene Robinson, first openly gay bishop
Catholic Association for Lesbian and Gay Ministry
Abou Ben Adhem by James Henry Leigh Hunt
Beginning Quote by Unknown-scroll down
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