it's a first
This is the first time I have written in my journal without using rhyme
it will be hard for it's my very first time
Ok im just kidding, today i feel better than most
so i figured i better hurry up and post
damn, what the hell!!, i can't seem to stop
this is rediculous, this rhyme thing i can't seem to drop
i had a rough night last night. The dog bit my finger. He won't get out of the bed when i try to move him. i called in sick yesterday because i was feeling so damn depressed. Getting out of bed today was hard. i've been at work for the last three and a half hours and have done no work, i've been tinkering around with my journal trying to see what i can do with my paid account. i have nothting to be depressed about, it just happens sometimes, i have a wonderful life, carreer, wife, family, and everything else, but life is just so boring sometimes, i feel like i need to get out, but don't have the money. i am trying to save everything for the future, but my present is sucking. i have tried drugs in the past, but that is a dead end, because you just run out, and need them again. Psychotropics help, but are not strong enough, need something with strenght, something with punch. Hydrocodone is nice, but not fun to come off, marijuana would help, but it just masks the true you. why does life seem so painful sometimes, wish i could be as happy as i see others all the time. Tis the season to be jolly, and i am trying to be, but being sober is so boring, and makes life feel so real. Sometimes a new beginning would help, something fun to do, so i asked for a bike for christmas, and hope this will do. i am trying to stop smoking, and playing with myself so much, but i can't always help it, i just need the rush. i need to float off, into my fantasy world, it is a nice place to be. i have to be careful, i am such an addict, i orgasm to feel better, but my behavior is so irradic. sometimes my fantasy world even distrubs me, but with so much free time and no motivation to do anything with it, i fall into this space rather easily. i revolve things around what i do with myself, and in the end regret most of the hell, that i've put myself and body through, i need to stop doing this to myself. okay, not all days are this bad, but this past week has been especially difficult, and i'm not sure why. i think i will spend some money this weekend and get out, Baha's sounds nice, haven't been is forever, all the roaches and all, but my wife will just have to get over it. Put up the Christmas tree, it is so beautiful, wish i could stay at home all day and stare at it. life is so hard to live once it's been manipulated with drugs, this is the hardest lesson i have had to learn. i have made a decision to stay away from the things that are trying to bring me down, and stay focused of all of the things i have accoplished, and get back to things that made me happy in the past, things i did before, thank God i have support through this difficult time. i'm sure i will make it, just get really down sometimes, and really bored, do you know what i mean?
it will be hard for it's my very first time
Ok im just kidding, today i feel better than most
so i figured i better hurry up and post
damn, what the hell!!, i can't seem to stop
this is rediculous, this rhyme thing i can't seem to drop
i had a rough night last night. The dog bit my finger. He won't get out of the bed when i try to move him. i called in sick yesterday because i was feeling so damn depressed. Getting out of bed today was hard. i've been at work for the last three and a half hours and have done no work, i've been tinkering around with my journal trying to see what i can do with my paid account. i have nothting to be depressed about, it just happens sometimes, i have a wonderful life, carreer, wife, family, and everything else, but life is just so boring sometimes, i feel like i need to get out, but don't have the money. i am trying to save everything for the future, but my present is sucking. i have tried drugs in the past, but that is a dead end, because you just run out, and need them again. Psychotropics help, but are not strong enough, need something with strenght, something with punch. Hydrocodone is nice, but not fun to come off, marijuana would help, but it just masks the true you. why does life seem so painful sometimes, wish i could be as happy as i see others all the time. Tis the season to be jolly, and i am trying to be, but being sober is so boring, and makes life feel so real. Sometimes a new beginning would help, something fun to do, so i asked for a bike for christmas, and hope this will do. i am trying to stop smoking, and playing with myself so much, but i can't always help it, i just need the rush. i need to float off, into my fantasy world, it is a nice place to be. i have to be careful, i am such an addict, i orgasm to feel better, but my behavior is so irradic. sometimes my fantasy world even distrubs me, but with so much free time and no motivation to do anything with it, i fall into this space rather easily. i revolve things around what i do with myself, and in the end regret most of the hell, that i've put myself and body through, i need to stop doing this to myself. okay, not all days are this bad, but this past week has been especially difficult, and i'm not sure why. i think i will spend some money this weekend and get out, Baha's sounds nice, haven't been is forever, all the roaches and all, but my wife will just have to get over it. Put up the Christmas tree, it is so beautiful, wish i could stay at home all day and stare at it. life is so hard to live once it's been manipulated with drugs, this is the hardest lesson i have had to learn. i have made a decision to stay away from the things that are trying to bring me down, and stay focused of all of the things i have accoplished, and get back to things that made me happy in the past, things i did before, thank God i have support through this difficult time. i'm sure i will make it, just get really down sometimes, and really bored, do you know what i mean?