I think the (slightly) more plausible crack 'verse that I'm about 80% through with warped my brain, because I got a flash of Dean Bendis is a chameleon in more ways than one, and it's a secret that's worth his life to keep and produced a little extremely AU snippet.
This is unbetaed, and sorry, no NC-17 (yet, anyway).
(
Code name: Chameleon )