A PSA on Grief

[taura_g]

The following is a Public Service Announcement based mainly on my experiences. If you interact with me on a regular basis, please read. Some of you may see yourself in one or more of the below statements--I do not want apologies.  I am not upset at anyone. This is an educational tool.   These points are probably relevant to most people who are suffering grief of any kind:

1. Just because the term “late” proceeds the term “husband”, does not mean it is OK to look at me like a deer in headlights.  That awkward silence can be like a knife to my heart.
2. He was a large part of my life; I am going to mention him from time to time.
3. If I bring his name up please do not try to change the topic or avoid the conversation.  It hurts to feel like I cannot bring him up in conversation.
4. Please do not be afraid of making me sad.  I am usually relieved and touched that someone is willing to talk about him. 
5. I am always sad about it.  That is never going to change.  You do not “get over” grief.  You just learn to live with it.
6. There will be times that something will remind me and make me cry or get upset.   This is normal.  This is grief.  Trying to hide it from others or from myself just makes it worse. 
7. A big cause of stress for me is controlling myself around people that I know cannot handle my grief.
8. If on the unlikely chance that you say something that upsets me, it is not your fault. I am never going to blame anyone who does me the good grace of talking to me about him.

I have found that this became aggravatingly prevalent just after the first year anniversary.   It continues to be a hard thing to handle.