My View: What I see as the Heart of the Matter

Jul 11, 2014 13:02

The last line on drwex most excellent summation of his views is what I wonder any social community can come to some basic agreement of...

If we cannot find a way to work with each other - despite our different frameworks - to deal with an abuser and social gatherings then we have a pretty deep problem.In my LiveJournal alone (and I certainly don't have ( Read more... )

firestorm, friends, the question

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dcltdw July 12 2014, 01:25:34 UTC
Now that I think about it, there is a case in one of my social circles that is similar to this. To summarize, some guy at one larp is accused by several women of sexual harrasment or assault. This guy plays at larps in $LOCATION1 whereas I tend to play in larps in $LOCATION2 and $LOCATION3.

To me, the important thing is that directors of other games know this guy's name. "This is something you should know: this guy has been accused of serious transgressions at $game1. The directors at $game1 are $name1, $name2, and here are their email addresses if you have questions for them. The directors who resigned over the handling of this are blahblahblah. Now you know."

Sufficient? Not necessarily: some other games could have directors who don't give a damn, the guy goes there, history repeats itself. But I am unwilling to go to the effort to spread this guy's name to anyone who might be in or potentially join the larp community. But the minimal effort, definitely.

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I am unsympathetic to someone who says "give me a second chance". No. Ignominy is what happens to people who do bad things, and if you're looking for redemption, you'll bear the consequences of what you did without complaint. If I'm still willing to talk to you, you are currently experiencing a second chance: don't spoil it by whining. Too often, people say "aww c'mon, gimme a second chance" when they really mean, "aww c'mon, this change thing is hard, how about you stop asking me to act differently".

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In the past, I've been okay with cutting people off. What I've been trying to do in the present is to cut people off sans rancor. I don't need to get all excited, or angry, or anything. What I can actually do is rather limited, so only focus on that, and don't waste emotional energy on it. Do what I need to do, and move on.

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