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Well i have started telling the truth to everyone and it actually feels god. I wrote Kate a note telling her the lies i had told her and then telling her the truth. I hope that opens the gate for us to ba able to talk some. I have also come clean with my family, I do not know if they think I am being truthful or not but I am being honest and I hope they will believe me. I am still very depressed about losing Kate and about the lies I told her. I feel like such an ass for doing so but that is in the past, I cannot change it, no matter what I do the lies were told and now I have to live with it. Like I said I have come clean with her so that is a start. I hope to talk to Kate soon. I love her so much and I miss her so bad that it isn't even funny. I lay there at night and just want to die but I know that will solve nothing, so I take the depression and move on, just bottle everything up inside and hope it goes away. I have no time to think or to just let go of anything.... I was with her for 17 months and for the better part of that she and I slept in the same bed I can hardly sleep at night, I hardly eat at all, and i just don't want to hurt anymore. Love is an addiction and there is no way to get 100% over it, and to be honest I don't want to get over it at all, I want to be able to talk to her and be friends with her but as of right now that is not looking to good. Why did I tell her lies you ask? Well I don't know at all. I wish I did but there I no reason to it. I also caused a lot of stress to my family and I so didn't mean to do that but I did and I am so sorry to all of you for that. I want to cry but there is no one I can talk to at all and nothing I can do to stop the feeling so I cry myself to sleep every night. It has been almost a week, as a matter of fact tonight is one week since she and I talked and I asked her if she was happy s actually tonight is one week since we broke up and it hurts more now than it did then and that is because I lied to her and I lost her trust, not only her but my family as well. God I'm so sorry I hope everyone can forgive me for what I did.