I will swollow if it will help my sea level go down...
I. Will. Write. Here. More often. Punctuation.
There is no middle ground, apparently.
When I have free time, nobody else does, and I'm lonely.
When I'm super busy, suddenly everyone can do stuff.
....and I can't handle it.
Is this something that people learn? Or am I just born extra-introvert? Honestly, I'd rather it be the latter, so I can say, "I just innately can't handle it" rather than knowing that everyone else lives with this Hell all the time.
I hung out with a friend yesterday. It wasn't anything strenuous; on the contrary, we sat on the couch and watched Downton Abby for nearly 4 hours. It was glorious. When was the last time you zoned out on something? Do it every once and a while. Today I was to hang out with another friend, and then the nice Indian lady who feeds me asked me to come over. But... holy crap I was tired. Not tired as in fatigued, or physically exhausted. I felt quite good, actually. But when it came to conversation... I repeat: holy crap. Some compartment of me was completely empty. It's like my reserve of social grace, I suppose. Diplomacy. Because do you know what happened? I became completely honest. As in, if I disagree, I'll say it. That's not good.
Then I was to go visit the nice Indian lady. I nearly cried on the car ride over. If I were anyone else, if I were a good person, I would take the time to fix her computer and do her bushes. If I were anyone else. HOW DO YOU PEOPLE HANDLE IT?! Seriously, how do you convince yourselves to go the extra mile for someone? I should. It's the right thing to do. I should sacrifice my time for others. But... oh my gosh, I nearly cried just thinking about it. I couldn't stand the thought of interacting with humans.
I can't wait until tomorrow when I can speak to people on a purely professional scale, about important matters like the low CO2 tank and fun matters like whether BATF2 is inhibiting c-jun-induced genes, or learning a Western blot. I'm happy for you, but I don't care how cute your 2-year-old nephew is, or whether your dog jumped in the pool. When you chat about how your new boyfriend can't finish his burrito, all I'm thinking is why in the world does he feel the need to? It's called a doggie bag. And on the other side of things, I have nothing to interest you. I could wax eloquent about the latest FB debate in the CR page as to whether green tea compounds can inhibit glucose transport. I could talk for hours on who the best companion is, what they'll screw up in Ender's Game, or how cute the Lieutenant is in Game of Thrones. I'd love to pontificate over the mysterious Big Cells are in our cell cultures, or gripe about the broken thermostat on the centrifuge. But I see you switch off, so obviously you don't care.
That's why Downton Abby was so wonderful. No conversation, just companionship.
But for some reason, if I don't get that wordless companionship, I'm lonely. Go figure.
You know, I wouldn't mind a boyfriend, or even a husband. The problem is that I want a very specific kind of relationship. I want someone who doesn't talk either. Or maybe talks a lot for a short time and then stops. We'd divide an apartment in two, and sleep in separate rooms. Except on cold nights, when we'd snuggle (as long as he doesn't snore). We'd go out for dinner on Valentine's Day, and do stupid sappy things like write love letters and stick them under the door. We'd take turns cooking and go on holidays to obscure places.
Do you know where I've never been? The Mutter museum. How did I miss that one?
Anyway. I feel better; that was a nice rant.
Now back to trying to finish this season of Game of Thrones before someone spoils the ending for me....
There is no middle ground, apparently.
When I have free time, nobody else does, and I'm lonely.
When I'm super busy, suddenly everyone can do stuff.
....and I can't handle it.
Is this something that people learn? Or am I just born extra-introvert? Honestly, I'd rather it be the latter, so I can say, "I just innately can't handle it" rather than knowing that everyone else lives with this Hell all the time.
I hung out with a friend yesterday. It wasn't anything strenuous; on the contrary, we sat on the couch and watched Downton Abby for nearly 4 hours. It was glorious. When was the last time you zoned out on something? Do it every once and a while. Today I was to hang out with another friend, and then the nice Indian lady who feeds me asked me to come over. But... holy crap I was tired. Not tired as in fatigued, or physically exhausted. I felt quite good, actually. But when it came to conversation... I repeat: holy crap. Some compartment of me was completely empty. It's like my reserve of social grace, I suppose. Diplomacy. Because do you know what happened? I became completely honest. As in, if I disagree, I'll say it. That's not good.
Then I was to go visit the nice Indian lady. I nearly cried on the car ride over. If I were anyone else, if I were a good person, I would take the time to fix her computer and do her bushes. If I were anyone else. HOW DO YOU PEOPLE HANDLE IT?! Seriously, how do you convince yourselves to go the extra mile for someone? I should. It's the right thing to do. I should sacrifice my time for others. But... oh my gosh, I nearly cried just thinking about it. I couldn't stand the thought of interacting with humans.
I can't wait until tomorrow when I can speak to people on a purely professional scale, about important matters like the low CO2 tank and fun matters like whether BATF2 is inhibiting c-jun-induced genes, or learning a Western blot. I'm happy for you, but I don't care how cute your 2-year-old nephew is, or whether your dog jumped in the pool. When you chat about how your new boyfriend can't finish his burrito, all I'm thinking is why in the world does he feel the need to? It's called a doggie bag. And on the other side of things, I have nothing to interest you. I could wax eloquent about the latest FB debate in the CR page as to whether green tea compounds can inhibit glucose transport. I could talk for hours on who the best companion is, what they'll screw up in Ender's Game, or how cute the Lieutenant is in Game of Thrones. I'd love to pontificate over the mysterious Big Cells are in our cell cultures, or gripe about the broken thermostat on the centrifuge. But I see you switch off, so obviously you don't care.
That's why Downton Abby was so wonderful. No conversation, just companionship.
But for some reason, if I don't get that wordless companionship, I'm lonely. Go figure.
You know, I wouldn't mind a boyfriend, or even a husband. The problem is that I want a very specific kind of relationship. I want someone who doesn't talk either. Or maybe talks a lot for a short time and then stops. We'd divide an apartment in two, and sleep in separate rooms. Except on cold nights, when we'd snuggle (as long as he doesn't snore). We'd go out for dinner on Valentine's Day, and do stupid sappy things like write love letters and stick them under the door. We'd take turns cooking and go on holidays to obscure places.
Do you know where I've never been? The Mutter museum. How did I miss that one?
Anyway. I feel better; that was a nice rant.
Now back to trying to finish this season of Game of Thrones before someone spoils the ending for me....