Moving forward
So, there's actually been stuff happening that I haven't been posting about. *gasp* No real reason why, other than me being busy getting ready for my trip to Canada and then being on said trip! But in the wake of the deaths of a family friend, my cat, and my employee in early summer, I took some actions - work-related and personal life-related.
On the work front, I did two things. First: contacted the Employee Assistance Programme and requested counselling. I had two sessions prior to my trip and I'm entitled to four more, which should start up again next week. The therapist is lovely, and I'm either a really easy or a really difficult case to work with because I am quite self-aware and have no trouble actually opening up and discussing this stuff with a therapist by this time. I find it really helpful to be able to express everything to someone who isn't personally involved, and get that external-to-everything-else perspective. There are potentially some options for HR funding if the therapist thinks I need more than six sessions, but I don't think I will, to be honest. July was really difficult at work, what with clearing out the deceased's physical and electronic stuff, and trying to help my remaining two employees through it as well. I needed the long break. And whilst my trip was a little too busy to be truly restful, it *did* give me that mental break.
The other thing I did was apply for a secondment - that's a fixed term period during which you are borrowed into another department. This one is for 18 months. It's a grade above what I'm currently doing, and I'm actually not properly qualified for it - I wouldn't even have considered applying for it as a proper job opening - but with secondments, they tend to also be viewed as a development opportunity. Still, I didn't expect anything to come of it (other than providing a signpost to my boss that I am Not Happy with the way things have been in my current department), but as it turns out, I have been invited to interview for the position next month. It would be a pretty steep learning curve but I'm excited that I at least get to try!
So the work situation seems to be in a better place now. I returned to the office on Monday to the pleasant surprise of having not a single crisis to solve or mess to clean up. Apparently when you have a decent team, the phrase "When the cat's away..." actually ends as, "the mice will get on with it." We shall see if this upward trend continues, and whether things also improve on the management side of things (as in, above me).
On the personal front, in mid-July I did something I've been considering vaguely for over a year now, and joined OK Cupid. As I put on my profile, the life part of my work/life balance has been pretty absent and I'm looking to change that. With the stuff that had been going on at work prior to June, I simply have not had the emotional energy available to devote to attempting to make new friendships for the last couple of years. It's also a matter of actually having developed a decent idea of what I want out of a relationship now, which is very, very different from the blueprint I was using when I got married (in 1994, eep! lol).
I've been messaging with a couple of guys through August, letting them know I was away on vacation but keeping the conversations going. I'm meeting up with one of them tomorrow afternoon for coffee - I asked him out, and arranged it (and yes, I do expect to pick up the tab, if you're curious). The other has asked me out, to which I've agreed, and now I just need to figure out where and when I will tell him to be next weekend. *cough* ;-)
I'm finding the online dating thing helpful - I know from experience that I am more comfortable meeting people once I already know them at least a little bit. In that respect, me signing up right before I left the country for almost a month was *perfect* timing, lol. But I'm not as anxious about the whole thing as I'd expected. Part of that is because there's a total lack of desperation. I don't *need* a partner, and if someone isn't right for me, I have no problem walking away. Part of it is having realised that I actually want (need?) to be the dominant in the relationship, and acting accordingly. It is immensely freeing and feels so much more natural to me.
OK Cupid is kind of fascinating, though, with all the quizzes and the patterns and everything. Also, I have gotten some unexpected messages. Like, from 18 and 19 year old guys. Erm... that's flattering, but definitely under my lower limit for "younger", LOL. Bright red hair and boobs work, I guess!
On the work front, I did two things. First: contacted the Employee Assistance Programme and requested counselling. I had two sessions prior to my trip and I'm entitled to four more, which should start up again next week. The therapist is lovely, and I'm either a really easy or a really difficult case to work with because I am quite self-aware and have no trouble actually opening up and discussing this stuff with a therapist by this time. I find it really helpful to be able to express everything to someone who isn't personally involved, and get that external-to-everything-else perspective. There are potentially some options for HR funding if the therapist thinks I need more than six sessions, but I don't think I will, to be honest. July was really difficult at work, what with clearing out the deceased's physical and electronic stuff, and trying to help my remaining two employees through it as well. I needed the long break. And whilst my trip was a little too busy to be truly restful, it *did* give me that mental break.
The other thing I did was apply for a secondment - that's a fixed term period during which you are borrowed into another department. This one is for 18 months. It's a grade above what I'm currently doing, and I'm actually not properly qualified for it - I wouldn't even have considered applying for it as a proper job opening - but with secondments, they tend to also be viewed as a development opportunity. Still, I didn't expect anything to come of it (other than providing a signpost to my boss that I am Not Happy with the way things have been in my current department), but as it turns out, I have been invited to interview for the position next month. It would be a pretty steep learning curve but I'm excited that I at least get to try!
So the work situation seems to be in a better place now. I returned to the office on Monday to the pleasant surprise of having not a single crisis to solve or mess to clean up. Apparently when you have a decent team, the phrase "When the cat's away..." actually ends as, "the mice will get on with it." We shall see if this upward trend continues, and whether things also improve on the management side of things (as in, above me).
On the personal front, in mid-July I did something I've been considering vaguely for over a year now, and joined OK Cupid. As I put on my profile, the life part of my work/life balance has been pretty absent and I'm looking to change that. With the stuff that had been going on at work prior to June, I simply have not had the emotional energy available to devote to attempting to make new friendships for the last couple of years. It's also a matter of actually having developed a decent idea of what I want out of a relationship now, which is very, very different from the blueprint I was using when I got married (in 1994, eep! lol).
I've been messaging with a couple of guys through August, letting them know I was away on vacation but keeping the conversations going. I'm meeting up with one of them tomorrow afternoon for coffee - I asked him out, and arranged it (and yes, I do expect to pick up the tab, if you're curious). The other has asked me out, to which I've agreed, and now I just need to figure out where and when I will tell him to be next weekend. *cough* ;-)
I'm finding the online dating thing helpful - I know from experience that I am more comfortable meeting people once I already know them at least a little bit. In that respect, me signing up right before I left the country for almost a month was *perfect* timing, lol. But I'm not as anxious about the whole thing as I'd expected. Part of that is because there's a total lack of desperation. I don't *need* a partner, and if someone isn't right for me, I have no problem walking away. Part of it is having realised that I actually want (need?) to be the dominant in the relationship, and acting accordingly. It is immensely freeing and feels so much more natural to me.
OK Cupid is kind of fascinating, though, with all the quizzes and the patterns and everything. Also, I have gotten some unexpected messages. Like, from 18 and 19 year old guys. Erm... that's flattering, but definitely under my lower limit for "younger", LOL. Bright red hair and boobs work, I guess!