(no subject)
doesn't it suck that the older you get, the more difficult and rare it is to feel really excited about anything? they actually talked about this in "knocked up" for a minute, i haven't watched that movie for a while, but i've just been thinking about it lately. in the movie he talks about how his kids get more excited about something so simple as blowing bubbles than he can feel excited about anything. there's certain parts of your childhood i feel you should strive to keep with you as you get older. the ability to be silly and laugh at dumb stuff is a pretty important one to me, and i regularly try to participate in silly activities just so i will make sure that part of me never slips away. sadly, too many people would look at that and groan rather than just laugh and feel good about something simple.
i've been feeling the ability to be excited about anything slip away from me. it's becoming more rare, and it makes me sad. remember how exciting christmas morning was when you were a kid? then there were other things as you got older such as birthdays and other milestones you couldn't wait for. when i was in high school there was nothing more exhilarating than going to see one of my favorite bands in concert. i don't care about birthdays anymore (i try to plan fun stuff near them so that i will be excited about the day), there are few milestones left i've always dreamed of reaching (i've never really felt one way or the other about planning my wedding day or having kids), and even seeing my favorite bands doesn't give me the same rush as it did back then. i can't even get excited about any new bands.
i've already gradually suffered a loss of a good bit of my ability to feel emotion. i guess it's not really "suffered" since i don't miss it in most cases. it's really strange though because when i look back at when i was a kid, i was the cryer. any little thing set me off. as i've gotten older i've become ridiculously laid back, not much that happens in life can really rile me. you have to do something really big to piss me off, and i almost never cry. although i do recognize the dumb stuff people do around me, and it does annoy me, i guess it's just become so frequent that i expect it and i don't let it ruin my day.
i'm starting to see the connection between my loss of emotion, and my loss of feeling excitement. granted, i do have a more exciting life than a lot of people do. it's really sad the amount of people that all they ever do is wake up, go to work, go to sleep, every day. and i probably get more amused over little things than the average adult does. i'm just sad that it takes so much effort to keep myself this way, and it's still not as good as i'd like it to be. there's very few people around me i can be really silly with, and those people i see less and less of. i don't feel like i fit in with my age group, yet i don't fit in with any other ones either.
i've never really fit in, never really expected to, i never wanted to be like everyone else. i like me. it just makes it harder to be around everyone else. i'm old enough to have that balance of maturity in the right situations while still being able to be silly in others. it seems like not many people have that in the same way i do. i dunno really what i'm trying to say here. just that too many people are really lame and i don't ever want to be that way. sometimes it makes me question myself and wonder why i'm so different. i don't want to slip into a monotonous existence. i don't want to ever completely grow up. i want to care about something. i want to have things to be ridiculously excited about again. i feel like i need to get out and explore what else is out there. i'm sure there's tons of stuff i'm missing out on that i'll love and don't even know about yet. i need a new direction. i need a new accomplishment, or a new passion. i just have no idea what it might be or where to start.
i've been feeling the ability to be excited about anything slip away from me. it's becoming more rare, and it makes me sad. remember how exciting christmas morning was when you were a kid? then there were other things as you got older such as birthdays and other milestones you couldn't wait for. when i was in high school there was nothing more exhilarating than going to see one of my favorite bands in concert. i don't care about birthdays anymore (i try to plan fun stuff near them so that i will be excited about the day), there are few milestones left i've always dreamed of reaching (i've never really felt one way or the other about planning my wedding day or having kids), and even seeing my favorite bands doesn't give me the same rush as it did back then. i can't even get excited about any new bands.
i've already gradually suffered a loss of a good bit of my ability to feel emotion. i guess it's not really "suffered" since i don't miss it in most cases. it's really strange though because when i look back at when i was a kid, i was the cryer. any little thing set me off. as i've gotten older i've become ridiculously laid back, not much that happens in life can really rile me. you have to do something really big to piss me off, and i almost never cry. although i do recognize the dumb stuff people do around me, and it does annoy me, i guess it's just become so frequent that i expect it and i don't let it ruin my day.
i'm starting to see the connection between my loss of emotion, and my loss of feeling excitement. granted, i do have a more exciting life than a lot of people do. it's really sad the amount of people that all they ever do is wake up, go to work, go to sleep, every day. and i probably get more amused over little things than the average adult does. i'm just sad that it takes so much effort to keep myself this way, and it's still not as good as i'd like it to be. there's very few people around me i can be really silly with, and those people i see less and less of. i don't feel like i fit in with my age group, yet i don't fit in with any other ones either.
i've never really fit in, never really expected to, i never wanted to be like everyone else. i like me. it just makes it harder to be around everyone else. i'm old enough to have that balance of maturity in the right situations while still being able to be silly in others. it seems like not many people have that in the same way i do. i dunno really what i'm trying to say here. just that too many people are really lame and i don't ever want to be that way. sometimes it makes me question myself and wonder why i'm so different. i don't want to slip into a monotonous existence. i don't want to ever completely grow up. i want to care about something. i want to have things to be ridiculously excited about again. i feel like i need to get out and explore what else is out there. i'm sure there's tons of stuff i'm missing out on that i'll love and don't even know about yet. i need a new direction. i need a new accomplishment, or a new passion. i just have no idea what it might be or where to start.