(no subject)
i feel like i have lost control over everything. and any attempt at regaining control i think is nly hurting someone else. and so i abandon those ideas. i want things to back to how they were. i guess i'm not ready for all of this. i want to be babied for jsut a little longer. so intro to college is just that rumors are deadlier and drama is heavier. and i have so many feelings and i feel mostly like crap. and i want so badly to just not think about it but every time i stop keeping busy its all i can think about that i want back what i had before. i want to be at home. with my friends. i want my relationships to stay as they were. i dont want to be living with someone i am not even friends with. i dont want to be yelled at constantly for spending money when i dont even spend very much at all. and i dont want to ffeel uncomfortable in my own dorm room. i feel like there is only one person that really and truly gets me and can actually make me feel good about myself. and everything is a constant reminder that they are not here with me.