rant
help me get out of this sour mood that im for some reason left in from thinking too much about the current state of dbsk...
I don't know what caused it. maybe seeing jyj return to korea. not pissed that i didnt see them personally (its highly unlikely as it is and im busy with summer school)
i think its just seeing them all weak and frail; easy to be pushed and fall over. i want to lie to myself that they look healthy but no, they look unhealthy.
i look yoochun by himself has always been lanky and skinny but to me its like hes almost bones and skins now.
junsu fell ill in LA. overworking but still, LA has one of the best medical help available on shorthand; it shows how much the boys are handling...
i know jaejoong is affect very much by the death of park yong-ha. i wont be surprised if he goes and gets a tattoo. i even expect him to go into reclusion and hide from the public for a while. it might seem frightful but i think he needs it; for his health, his state of mind and more.
im beginning to feel like im biased toward the trio (i hate referring them to that) compared to the other two. i want to write their names but i might feel like theres hate type into those names.
i dont want to hate them. im just angry i guess that they are still with sm.
i dont know smes dealing nor do i expect to understand it anytime soon; maybe because i dont know how to read korean and they're all secretive about their stupid details and stuff.
i just want an end of this lawsuit dispute. i want dbsk together. a year is hardly a lot but i just feel like its a tug-of-war, constantly tug back and forth. its like my neck hurts from trying to follow the movements, craning left and right repeatedly
i hate feeling more emo than usual.
---
writing helps. i guess this is why im becoming more open on typing on a public journal like lj here. i started doing and reading dbsk fics, i guess to create a fantasy where dbsk members can exist happily and in circumstances i can make or accept. i dont to control them but i just want to prevent them to go the wrong path that im afraid of seeing them approach, wheres theres no return and happiness and good news, of nothingness.
i know its stupid right now to be thinking about stuff i cant have any real part in--especially while i have 2 midterms in the next few days
im have so many ideas to write but i cant seem to find the time to write it out. i have time but just some reason, not combined to write it; i guess partial reasons is im lazy and i fear my works are good enough; i know that a lot of people arent critical, they usually just ignore it nbut maybe im too critical of myself; also maybe dbsk is a touchy subject for me to write; i know its contradictory to what im doing...
I don't know what caused it. maybe seeing jyj return to korea. not pissed that i didnt see them personally (its highly unlikely as it is and im busy with summer school)
i think its just seeing them all weak and frail; easy to be pushed and fall over. i want to lie to myself that they look healthy but no, they look unhealthy.
i look yoochun by himself has always been lanky and skinny but to me its like hes almost bones and skins now.
junsu fell ill in LA. overworking but still, LA has one of the best medical help available on shorthand; it shows how much the boys are handling...
i know jaejoong is affect very much by the death of park yong-ha. i wont be surprised if he goes and gets a tattoo. i even expect him to go into reclusion and hide from the public for a while. it might seem frightful but i think he needs it; for his health, his state of mind and more.
im beginning to feel like im biased toward the trio (i hate referring them to that) compared to the other two. i want to write their names but i might feel like theres hate type into those names.
i dont want to hate them. im just angry i guess that they are still with sm.
i dont know smes dealing nor do i expect to understand it anytime soon; maybe because i dont know how to read korean and they're all secretive about their stupid details and stuff.
i just want an end of this lawsuit dispute. i want dbsk together. a year is hardly a lot but i just feel like its a tug-of-war, constantly tug back and forth. its like my neck hurts from trying to follow the movements, craning left and right repeatedly
i hate feeling more emo than usual.
---
writing helps. i guess this is why im becoming more open on typing on a public journal like lj here. i started doing and reading dbsk fics, i guess to create a fantasy where dbsk members can exist happily and in circumstances i can make or accept. i dont to control them but i just want to prevent them to go the wrong path that im afraid of seeing them approach, wheres theres no return and happiness and good news, of nothingness.
i know its stupid right now to be thinking about stuff i cant have any real part in--especially while i have 2 midterms in the next few days
im have so many ideas to write but i cant seem to find the time to write it out. i have time but just some reason, not combined to write it; i guess partial reasons is im lazy and i fear my works are good enough; i know that a lot of people arent critical, they usually just ignore it nbut maybe im too critical of myself; also maybe dbsk is a touchy subject for me to write; i know its contradictory to what im doing...