(no subject)
My little brother is getting married tomorrow today, in about 12 hours. I'm...not sure how I feel about that.
I'm happy for him and his fiancée, of course. I mean, they're getting married, and they love each other and make each other happy, and that's good. And this is my baby brother, my only sibling, and of course I love him and want him to be happy.
I'm worried about him. He's 21 and--through all sorts of Circumstances--still doesn't have a high school diploma (though he's very smart, just unmotivated), and he's...a young 21. In some a lot of ways, I think he and his fiancée have sort of been playing house for the year and a half they've lived together. (Btw, his fiancee doesn't have her high school diploma either, despite being 19 and also smart.) They haven't been out in the "real world." Their relationship/circumstances haven't ever been that hard. In a lot of ways--and yes, this is Big Sister talking--they seem like two teenagers shacking up, doing what two teenagers shacking up would do. Going out to eat, going shopping, playing video games and watching TV, not really having ambition...I'm not sure they're ready for the level of adulthood that comes (should come?) with getting married and being husband and wife.
And yes, there is absolutely nothing I can do about this, or would say about this, and really, it's none of my business. But this is my little brother, and I do try to look out for him. ...Except, I can't, really, now that he is (in theory) an adult. *sigh*
There is also the fact that this is my little brother, and he's getting married. To me, he'll always be this little tow-headed kid with hair that sticks up. Not the 6'2" young man with brownish/blond hair and glasses who looks disturbingly like me. It seems like no time at all has passed since he dropped his Michaelangelo out the car window on accident and cried about it. And since he went through The Hat Phase (cowboy, fireman...you name it, he had the hat). And The Michael Jackson Phase. Seriously. Black blazer borrowed from me, sparkly socks (ditto), his dress shoes and black pants, and The Dancing. My God, The Dancing. *facepalms on his behalf* This is the kid who made forts with me everywhere from under the stairs to up trees to in my closet. Who used to have one of those Power Wheels Batmobiles and would ride around in it in his Batman costume. Who stayed up all night playing Super Mario World with me--and, later, stayed up all night playing Final Fantasy IX and Grand Theft Auto by himself, or with his friends. Whose friends used to come over and build forts and play Mortal Kombat (actually play-pretend it. Matt was Scorpion, and his friend Danny was Sub-Zero) and consume bags of potato chips and gallons of Mountain Dew.
And this little boy--the one who was certainly JUST wearing Mario Brothers underoos and was always bugging me for a sip of my juice or pop and then gulping half and backwashing the other day--is going to be someone's husband?!? Oh, my God. I am old. I am not ready for this. I am not ready to be big sister to somebody's husband.
And...I'll admit. I'm jealous, too. Nick and I were going to get married first, have been together (and engaged!) a hell of a lot longer, but...you know? When my brother said they wanted to get married a year to the day after getting engaged, I would have felt like crap rushing our marriage to beat them. (I mean, we were going to rush, but then changed our minds.) My brother hasn't gotten to do much, if anything, before me. I think that comes with being the younger sibling! So, if it was important to them to be married first, then, whatever.
I'm more jealous of the fact that they sort of have more money than we do. (I say "sort of" because this is my brother's college money that they're living on/spending frivolously/spending on their wedding.) Anyhow. They can afford nice rings (with Elvish engraved on them, dammit, and that was my fricking idea...and Matt's. I swear, sometimes, we're like twins. I really do adore him). They can afford flowers and a twelve-day honeymoon to Montreal and nice wedding presents for each other, and stuff. I can't really afford, right now, to get them anything nice. (Besides, they sort of get each other everything they want, anyway.) They're getting married at the courthouse, just family, so it's not an expensive ceremony, or anything. But still, Nick and I had been wondering if we could combine a one-night honeymoon at a bed & breakfast in Maine with a visit to his family. *sigh*
The whole "can't afford it" thing is a whole 'nother story, too. I have the worst situation going on with my cats, right now, that I've had in the 3 years I've been breeding. It's a LONG story, but the short version is, my (old) vet fucked up. Badly. Like, I could probably sue him for malpractice badly. I sent a kitten out, not knowing about the fuckup, and now the cat is horribly sick, the lady who got him is furious and wanting a refund (thus the no $$), and another kitten my (old) vet did the same thing to is sick here at home, and the lady who was supposed to get him a month ago (but couldn't because he's sick) is pissed and will probably want a refund (thus, again, no $$).
...I have a new vet. The whole situation sucks. Is slowly getting under control, but it sucks. And I think part of the reason I'm in such a funk is that I feel like my life business is trying to fall apart, and it's this *joyjoyHAPPY* time for everyone else. Grar.
It's possible that I'm a horrible person.
I'm trying to get excited and into a wedding-ish place, though. One fun thing (besides the obvious--wedding, yay!) is that I get to get dressed up. *g* I'm wearing my favorite skirt. It's black, mid-calf length and hangs low around my waist, and is pleated with these tiny, lampshade-like pleats. I adore it. I'm wearing it with black heels, red tights, and a red sweater shell. It's not super dressed up, but nice. And the red tights make it a little funky.
Another good thing is that, when Nick and I were out yesterday delivering a puppy for the family biz, we stopped on the way back at this really awesome mall. I found both of the Baby-Sitters Club graphic novels (did you know they're doing graphic novels of at least four books to try to reach a new generation of BSC readers?) at Waldenbooks! They weren't too expensive, and since my lack of $$ isn't a total lack, I bought them. They're awesome. I <3 my nostalgia/comfort reading series of choice.
Tonight--like I said, this wedding is pretty casual--my brother, his fiancée, her mom, my mom, and I went out to this casino nearby on a Native American reservation (...Indian reservation? I'm actually not sure which is correct when you're talking about land, not people) and got dinner and played the video slot machines. I put in $2 (you can make bets of a penny) and lost it, but then I went around the casino and saw that a lot of people had forgotten to cash out the bonuses on their machines, so, I made $2.30 doing that. A 30-cent profit! Whoo!
...Matt and his fiancée, of course, won $15. They are both the type of people who are always lucky. But yay. I hope this bodes well for them. :)
Oh. Also, Nick and I get to do all of their work while they are gone on their honeymoon. Ugh. And I have a dentist appointment on Tuesday, which will not be good. My wisdom teeth are growing in sideways, and it hurts because my teeth are being squished together, but I do not want to deal with that. I think I'm going to have to, though. *wince* And Nick and I have another road trip (of the leave-at-2-in-the-morning variety) on Wednesday.
Not the best week, really.
I think I'm going to go join Nick on the futon and not think about anything. With tea. And possibly a BSC book or two. Mindless fluff is usually a good thing, particularly when accompanied by tea. Tea and fluff. Mmm.
I'm happy for him and his fiancée, of course. I mean, they're getting married, and they love each other and make each other happy, and that's good. And this is my baby brother, my only sibling, and of course I love him and want him to be happy.
I'm worried about him. He's 21 and--through all sorts of Circumstances--still doesn't have a high school diploma (though he's very smart, just unmotivated), and he's...a young 21. In some a lot of ways, I think he and his fiancée have sort of been playing house for the year and a half they've lived together. (Btw, his fiancee doesn't have her high school diploma either, despite being 19 and also smart.) They haven't been out in the "real world." Their relationship/circumstances haven't ever been that hard. In a lot of ways--and yes, this is Big Sister talking--they seem like two teenagers shacking up, doing what two teenagers shacking up would do. Going out to eat, going shopping, playing video games and watching TV, not really having ambition...I'm not sure they're ready for the level of adulthood that comes (should come?) with getting married and being husband and wife.
And yes, there is absolutely nothing I can do about this, or would say about this, and really, it's none of my business. But this is my little brother, and I do try to look out for him. ...Except, I can't, really, now that he is (in theory) an adult. *sigh*
There is also the fact that this is my little brother, and he's getting married. To me, he'll always be this little tow-headed kid with hair that sticks up. Not the 6'2" young man with brownish/blond hair and glasses who looks disturbingly like me. It seems like no time at all has passed since he dropped his Michaelangelo out the car window on accident and cried about it. And since he went through The Hat Phase (cowboy, fireman...you name it, he had the hat). And The Michael Jackson Phase. Seriously. Black blazer borrowed from me, sparkly socks (ditto), his dress shoes and black pants, and The Dancing. My God, The Dancing. *facepalms on his behalf* This is the kid who made forts with me everywhere from under the stairs to up trees to in my closet. Who used to have one of those Power Wheels Batmobiles and would ride around in it in his Batman costume. Who stayed up all night playing Super Mario World with me--and, later, stayed up all night playing Final Fantasy IX and Grand Theft Auto by himself, or with his friends. Whose friends used to come over and build forts and play Mortal Kombat (actually play-pretend it. Matt was Scorpion, and his friend Danny was Sub-Zero) and consume bags of potato chips and gallons of Mountain Dew.
And this little boy--the one who was certainly JUST wearing Mario Brothers underoos and was always bugging me for a sip of my juice or pop and then gulping half and backwashing the other day--is going to be someone's husband?!? Oh, my God. I am old. I am not ready for this. I am not ready to be big sister to somebody's husband.
And...I'll admit. I'm jealous, too. Nick and I were going to get married first, have been together (and engaged!) a hell of a lot longer, but...you know? When my brother said they wanted to get married a year to the day after getting engaged, I would have felt like crap rushing our marriage to beat them. (I mean, we were going to rush, but then changed our minds.) My brother hasn't gotten to do much, if anything, before me. I think that comes with being the younger sibling! So, if it was important to them to be married first, then, whatever.
I'm more jealous of the fact that they sort of have more money than we do. (I say "sort of" because this is my brother's college money that they're living on/spending frivolously/spending on their wedding.) Anyhow. They can afford nice rings (with Elvish engraved on them, dammit, and that was my fricking idea...and Matt's. I swear, sometimes, we're like twins. I really do adore him). They can afford flowers and a twelve-day honeymoon to Montreal and nice wedding presents for each other, and stuff. I can't really afford, right now, to get them anything nice. (Besides, they sort of get each other everything they want, anyway.) They're getting married at the courthouse, just family, so it's not an expensive ceremony, or anything. But still, Nick and I had been wondering if we could combine a one-night honeymoon at a bed & breakfast in Maine with a visit to his family. *sigh*
The whole "can't afford it" thing is a whole 'nother story, too. I have the worst situation going on with my cats, right now, that I've had in the 3 years I've been breeding. It's a LONG story, but the short version is, my (old) vet fucked up. Badly. Like, I could probably sue him for malpractice badly. I sent a kitten out, not knowing about the fuckup, and now the cat is horribly sick, the lady who got him is furious and wanting a refund (thus the no $$), and another kitten my (old) vet did the same thing to is sick here at home, and the lady who was supposed to get him a month ago (but couldn't because he's sick) is pissed and will probably want a refund (thus, again, no $$).
...I have a new vet. The whole situation sucks. Is slowly getting under control, but it sucks. And I think part of the reason I'm in such a funk is that I feel like my life business is trying to fall apart, and it's this *joyjoyHAPPY* time for everyone else. Grar.
It's possible that I'm a horrible person.
I'm trying to get excited and into a wedding-ish place, though. One fun thing (besides the obvious--wedding, yay!) is that I get to get dressed up. *g* I'm wearing my favorite skirt. It's black, mid-calf length and hangs low around my waist, and is pleated with these tiny, lampshade-like pleats. I adore it. I'm wearing it with black heels, red tights, and a red sweater shell. It's not super dressed up, but nice. And the red tights make it a little funky.
Another good thing is that, when Nick and I were out yesterday delivering a puppy for the family biz, we stopped on the way back at this really awesome mall. I found both of the Baby-Sitters Club graphic novels (did you know they're doing graphic novels of at least four books to try to reach a new generation of BSC readers?) at Waldenbooks! They weren't too expensive, and since my lack of $$ isn't a total lack, I bought them. They're awesome. I <3 my nostalgia/comfort reading series of choice.
Tonight--like I said, this wedding is pretty casual--my brother, his fiancée, her mom, my mom, and I went out to this casino nearby on a Native American reservation (...Indian reservation? I'm actually not sure which is correct when you're talking about land, not people) and got dinner and played the video slot machines. I put in $2 (you can make bets of a penny) and lost it, but then I went around the casino and saw that a lot of people had forgotten to cash out the bonuses on their machines, so, I made $2.30 doing that. A 30-cent profit! Whoo!
...Matt and his fiancée, of course, won $15. They are both the type of people who are always lucky. But yay. I hope this bodes well for them. :)
Oh. Also, Nick and I get to do all of their work while they are gone on their honeymoon. Ugh. And I have a dentist appointment on Tuesday, which will not be good. My wisdom teeth are growing in sideways, and it hurts because my teeth are being squished together, but I do not want to deal with that. I think I'm going to have to, though. *wince* And Nick and I have another road trip (of the leave-at-2-in-the-morning variety) on Wednesday.
Not the best week, really.
I think I'm going to go join Nick on the futon and not think about anything. With tea. And possibly a BSC book or two. Mindless fluff is usually a good thing, particularly when accompanied by tea. Tea and fluff. Mmm.