Present Perfect
I was raised by a reformed perfectionist who was raised by an -actual- perfectionist. The result of this perfectionist heritage's dilution through the generations is similar to the staunch Catholic's descendant, the C&E Catholic. A Catholic, yes.. but only on the holidays where visibility at church is virtually guaranteed.
I'm a perfectionist... But only where people can see it.
Appearances are all important. It doesn't matter if the drawers are full near to bursting of clutter so long as the desk top is neat. Quilt drapes to the floor? Awesome! Shove stuff under the bed!
The upshot is, the places where I'm not perfect... I try to hide. Sociable and easy-friend-maker I am not. So... I don't really bother. Supermodel I am not... So I'm not a clotheshorse. Emotionally open I am not... So I don't actively seek out new meaningful relationships. *shrug* Everyone has things they need to work on.
It dawned on me today that I tend to look for perfection in others as well. And from my perch of assumed perfection I can be rather condescending. It bothers me to use that word. I once had a dream (nightmare?) where a guy I knew told me my "personality drips condescension". It's amazing how sharp one's own subconscious can be.
Anyway, I was remembering a moment in my life where I was a whisper away from crossing that emotional moat of mine and couldn't do it. Sometimes I wonder where I would be had I the ability to make that choice. Nonetheless, it dawned on me today that in that moment it didn't really matter that neither of us were perfect. (Far from it.) We were who we were and it was almost enough. Almost Perfect..
... 'Cause remember,
Nothing is completely perfect...
Especially not me.....
I'm a perfectionist... But only where people can see it.
Appearances are all important. It doesn't matter if the drawers are full near to bursting of clutter so long as the desk top is neat. Quilt drapes to the floor? Awesome! Shove stuff under the bed!
The upshot is, the places where I'm not perfect... I try to hide. Sociable and easy-friend-maker I am not. So... I don't really bother. Supermodel I am not... So I'm not a clotheshorse. Emotionally open I am not... So I don't actively seek out new meaningful relationships. *shrug* Everyone has things they need to work on.
It dawned on me today that I tend to look for perfection in others as well. And from my perch of assumed perfection I can be rather condescending. It bothers me to use that word. I once had a dream (nightmare?) where a guy I knew told me my "personality drips condescension". It's amazing how sharp one's own subconscious can be.
Anyway, I was remembering a moment in my life where I was a whisper away from crossing that emotional moat of mine and couldn't do it. Sometimes I wonder where I would be had I the ability to make that choice. Nonetheless, it dawned on me today that in that moment it didn't really matter that neither of us were perfect. (Far from it.) We were who we were and it was almost enough. Almost Perfect..
... 'Cause remember,
Nothing is completely perfect...
Especially not me.....