Fic. Half Sick Of Shadows (1/1)
Half Sick Of Shadows
The cool green light played about the circular room, highlighting the roundels on the bronze metallic walls and giving them an almost other-worldly appearance. Not a hard thing to do really, considering that’s exactly what they were: other-worldly. From a planet long since gone; created by a race long since dead. All except one; the man resting against the central console, deep in thought, a melancholic expression of deep sadness and interminable loss gracing his angular features.
The Doctor. The destroyer of that planet, the murderer of that race...and now the loneliest man in the universe. He had lost her, too.
His light; his love; his Rose.
He had known it was coming; had felt it that night as they watched the fireworks in the darkness of a London street. He had shuddered as she uttered the words,
“They keep trying to split us up, but they never ever will.”
He had said the only thing he could.
“Never say never ever.”
He knew he was about to lose her, so he did the one thing he was good at. He ran. He took her so far away, hoping that something would alter; desperately hoping something would change things so that it would not, could not happen. Always with her hand in his, because he knew that if he let go, even for a second, he might never feel her human warmth again.
He swept her off to Woman Wept. An ice planet so cold even the 200 foot high waves of their sea froze solid. Stood beneath a frozen cresting wave with her, holding her tight to him, so afraid of letting her go. Of letting her go without knowing how much he needed her. Or how much he wanted her. And so, beneath that frozen wave, with the brilliance of the metallic aqua sky above them, he whispered the words into the silence.
Not the words in his hearts; he would not, could not utter those. Too dangerous. The words he did speak made her eyes grow wide as she realised the intent behind them, and then she smiled. Not the tongue-between-her-teeth smile that made his stomach flip: this was a gentle smile, a knowing smile. The smile of a woman who knows what is to come and welcomes it. He knew then he was completely lost, but threw caution to the wind for once. The universe owed him, and he was determined to collect. Besides which, it had been too long. Far too long. And he needed her. He had taken her hand in his again, and led her into the TARDIS, not stopping to take off his coat and throw it over the coral-like strut as he usually did, pausing only long enough to put them into the Vortex before leading her deep into the interior.
Stopping outside a plain dark wood door, he pulled her close and asked if she was sure...only to be pulled into an embrace so fierce he feared she would crush his dual ribcage. The words he longed to hear from her lips were fiercely whispered into his ear.
“I want you desperately, my Doctor.”
His hearts stuttered in his chest and his breathing picked up pace...nostrils flared, he could smell her; smell the want leaching out of her as her pheromones filled the air surrounding him and endorphins scurried round her tiny frail human body. Reaching behind her, he pushed the door open, turned his head and gently put his cool mouth to her neck, his tongue flicking out to taste her skin before backing her through the open doorway into his bedroom.
He had been long gone from her bed as she awoke some hours later, the indent of his head on the second pillow the only indication he had ever been there. He had been struggling with his thoughts through those hours, and had come to a momentous decision. He would tell her how he felt, and hang the consequences. He needed to find a place that felt right for this confession, and had found Dumelios. Uninhabited, except for the pterodactyl-like creatures who wheeled and squawked over the beautiful but desolate mountainous landscape.
Standing on a high ledge, overlooking the once-volcanic plain, he had asked her one question.
“How long are you going to stay with me?”
Her answer both made him smile, and sliced into his hearts.
“Forever”
He had turned to her then, and after giving her a gentle smile, had finally confessed.
“I love you too.”
That had been three months and one week ago. One week later, she had been taken from him, and was now trapped in an alternate universe. Three months he had been without her now. Three interminably long months during which he had not eaten much, had rarely slept and had worked his brain almost to a standstill, trying to figure out a way to get to her through the Void. His inspiration in the long dark hours of his almost-madness was his favourite memory of her; swinging back and forth on a rope swing attached to a tree on Earth around 1920, bare-legged and barefoot, her blonde hair shining like a beacon in the sun. His beacon of hope.
He had been half-crazed with exhaustion and had almost given up hope when the answer had come to him. He would harness the power of a sun to get through. He was half sick of shadows, of seeing her out of the corner of his eye then turning to find her absent, and had almost worn himself into a regeneration making the impossible possible, but he had done it. The connections were made, now all he needed was the sun to supernova, reaching its optimum power before attempting to pull the TARDIS through. And so he waited, watching; monitoring the radiation levels, until finally, finally, the beep he was waiting for chirped up into the silence of the control room. Taking a deep breath in, he grabbed the lever, then hesitated.
Was he doing the right thing? He could collapse two universes by doing this...was it right to be so selfish? He concluded it probably wasn’t...but he doing it anyway. The universe owed him.
He quickly pulled the lever down, before reason and sanity could reclaim his brain.
The TARDIS shook and shuddered as she forced her way between the dimensions, through the Void and burst through the skin of the universe that held all his hopes and dreams, throwing him to the grating as she crashed to a halt, smoke and sparks showering over him as he lay. He was afraid to get up, to look at the Time Rotor, in case his beautiful ship was dead again...but the golden and green glow playing over his closed eyelids made him open his eyes wide. She was okay, had survived the journey this time...once more battered and bruised, but alive nonetheless. He hoped she would make the trip back through just as easily.
He was shaking as he pulled himself up from the grating and moved to view the outside scene on the monitor. What he saw chilled him to the bone.
Five stood on that cold bleak beach - four of them he knew; Pete, Jackie, Mickey, Rose...the fifth he could not bring himself to acknowledge. The fifth was a small child of about two human years, bundled up against the cold so that it was impossible to distinguish what it was...boy, or girl. As it grasped Jackie’s hand, he sighed deeply. Not what he had wished for, really he hadn’t... had he admitted it to himself. Upon first sight he his hearts had almost burst from his chest...hoping against hope that it was Rose’s child. Which would make it also his child. But that was impossible, wasn’t it... Of course it was. Completely, hopelessly impossible. He knew that. So why did he feel just like crying?....
He slowly opened the TARDIS door and stepped out onto the cold damp sand, the wind ruffling his hair, making his eyes water. At least, that was what he told himself, as he smiled then grinned at the blonde figure with cascading mascara as she flung herself into his arms and he crushed her almost half to death.
“Oh, Rose. Missed you. So much.”
Gulping back the tears, Rose struggled to compose herself, and eased slightly back so she could gaze into the Doctor’s warm brown eyes. Eyes she had missed desperately; eyes she had seen in her dreams every night for the past three years. Eyes she had thought she’d never see again. Yet here they were, gazing deep into hers, so full of the love he had for her but had vocalised only that one time.
“Doctor. Oh, Doctor. We’ve missed you so much, your son and I…”