Fic. Visions And Mindscapes (2/2)
Title: Visions And Mindscapes
Author: tardismate
Character/Pairing: Nine/Rose
Rating: Adult (like I write anything else!)
Beta; Not beta'd - all mistakes mine own *grins*
Disclaimer: .Definitely NOT mine. Oh, but I would gladly give anything and everything I own just to grab DT while he has THAT trouser tent....*points to icon and sighs*
Authors Notes: This was written for
seeing_history as she made the winning bid of $235 in the April Support Stacie Auction. She has kindly given permission for me to post it here. It was a long time coming, due to some RL issues, but she loves it, and I'm happy that she does. Hope you enjoy it too. LJ says it's too big to post as a single entity, so I've had to split it into two parts.
“What? What did you just say? No, never mind.” The last three words were muttered as he suddenly invaded her personal space, his breath ghosting over her lips; getting so close Rose could only see the stormy blue of his eyes.
Pulling back slightly, he placed his hands softly against her cheeks, his long calloused fingers touching the contact points at her temples, his thumbs stroking the apples of her cheeks.
“Y’sure?” he said softly, knowing that after this, there would be no turning back for either of them. As she nodded slightly and stared into the fathomless depths of his eyes, he smiled then whispered,
“Close your eyes, Rose, and take a deep breath in.”
As she breathed in, she felt something tickle at the back of her head, causing her to shiver.
“’S okay, that’s just me. Might feel a bit strange. If it hurts, tell me and I’ll pull back. Ready?”
She felt a what she could only describe as a push, then something thrust inside her head, pain blossoming for a second making her cry out as something inside her gave way, then she was tingling all over as she had the sensation of being stroked.
“Alright? Did I hurt you?” the Doctor said quietly, his hearts in his throat as he waited for her answer.
“’M fine. It’s okay, honestly. It only hurt for a second. Hurt more when I...” she tailed off, suddenly embarrassed by the fact she was about to mention losing her virginity.
“Well, same kind of thing, really, only this was your mental virginity, in a manner of speaking.”
“Hey! Do you know what I’m thinking, now? Is that how it works?”
“No. Until I forge the link, I can only get vague impressions from you, but I felt you blush and realised what you meant. Now I’m in your mind, I have to find the right synapses, connect them to my receptors and get them firing. This will feel weird - you’ll feel certain things happening and they may have a physical effect, such as making you laugh, or groan, or wince. Once I connect everything I need to, I’ll tell you in a mental message. If it works, then you’ll hear me inside your head as if I’m speaking to you like I am now.”
Breathing a sigh of relief that it had gone so smoothly thus far, he saw her nod and smile, then closed his eyes and concentrated hard.
Sifting through the sparking lines inside Rose’s mind was like tracing and unravelling the cables under the console. It was, however, not as confusing and as cluttered as he had thought a human mind would be, which itself was not as he had expected. Able to access the surface memories, he found them to be neatly labelled and compartmentalised, much as his own mind was. Interesting, he thought, as he reached and connected the first of the required synapses and Rose moaned. As he connected more and more of her synapses to his, he sensed that the reactions from her were those of human female arousal, and a jolt of lust speared him. Was it possible that they were indeed compatible? Her elevated body temperature and increased heart rate would indicate that she was reacting much the same as a Gallifreyan female would to this process, but there was no way that she would be able to experience the full effects of it. Or so he thought.
As he connected the final synapse and was about to use the link to tell her he was done, an explosion of blinding light in his own mind, and the intense sensations radiating from her told him that she had reached orgasm. How, he didn’t know. It shouldn’t be possible. She was human.
He knew he was shaking, but wasn’t sure if it was because of the intensity of the emotions and sensations he was receiving through the now complete link, or because it seemed he had quite literally stumbled across the one human in the whole of time and space that was capable of full connection with him. In every sense. His hearts leaped in his chest as he realised the implications of his discovery.
Rose.
Doctor...how...I mean...I just...God. That gonna happen every time we do this? Cos if it is, then I might have to shop for new underwear more often...
Now he was completely stunned. Not only could she hear him in her mind, she was answering him. Impossible. One more impossible thing to add to the list. He had to know...could she see him, touch him? Because if she could...then everything would change between them. Everything.
Can you see me?
I can see a dark swirling cloud...is that you? And where is the light coming from?
Yeah. That’s me. Literally the Oncoming Storm. And that blinding light you see? That’s you. That’s what you look like in my mind. I want to try something. That alright?
Yeah. What?
You’ll see. Try moving towards me.
How do I do that?
Just think about it, and it should happen.
As the light approached then halted in front of him, he felt he could cry with joy. She was in his mind. She had crossed the barrier between them as if it didn’t exist, just as a Gallifreyan would have done. Then he shivered from head to foot. She had reached out with her energy, and caressed him. Again, it shouldn’t have been possible for her to do that, but he was now re-thinking the definition of the word impossible. Whoever had invented the word hadn’t met Rose Tyler.
Rose, do that again.
He felt her caress him again, then her light engulfed him as she pulled him into her embrace. For once, in the whole of his miserable tenure of this body, he felt totally and completely at peace.
You’re incredible, do you know that, Rose Tyler. I don’t know how, and you shouldn’t be able to, but you’re in my mind. My father said it was possible to link fully with a human; he’d done it with my mother, after all, but I was never wholly convinced.
Doctor?
Yes, Rose?
Your shape. It’s changed. You’re lighter than you were, and you’re not swirling now, you’re just...still. And there’s little sparkles, like little lightning bolts, coming off you. You okay? I haven’t done anything wrong, have I?
He could feel her concern coming off her in waves; she was really worried for him, worried that she had somehow hurt him. Nothing could be further from the truth.
No, love, you haven’t done anything wrong. In fact, you’ve done the impossible. Should’ve known that if anyone could, it would be you, Rose Tyler.
You...you called me...love.
I did. That alright?
Yeah...yeah, course it is. More than. Doctor?
Mmm...
Why?
Why did I call you that? Oh, Rose...it’s time I told you the truth. Long past time, if I’m honest. You’ve made me live again, Rose Tyler, dragged me kicking and screaming back into living and enjoying it. Made me see everything as if I’m seeing it through your eyes, all the fantastic places we’ve been and the things we’ve seen together, made me look forward to each new day as long as you were there. You’ve made me better, Rose, and that...that’s why I love you. Rassilon knows, I shouldn’t, but I do.
At his words, the light he perceived as her grew steadily brighter, until he felt the equivalent of a hand shielding him from it. He could feel it burning him, searing deep into his soul, chasing the last remnants of despair from deep within him, cleansing him, leaving him awed and elated.
Rose, what did you just do?
I sent you my feelings. I wanted to show you how much I love you.
You almost blinded me, Rose. You really love me that much?
Is it so hard to believe that I love you? How could I not? You’re beautiful, Doctor. And before you argue that, I love your big ears and your daft old face, but inside, where it matters, you are the most beautiful thing I know. Now shut up and kiss me...if we can do that like this. Can we?
Rose heard his bark of joyful laughter, and thought she had never heard a more carefree sound in her life. Then she felt his cool lips against hers, and a flare of heat in her mind. She wasn’t sure if it was from her, or him. Didn’t matter. Then he was kissing her as if his very life depended on it. She moaned, mentally and verbally. God he was good at this.
Nine hundred years of practice, Rose. Would hope I was good at it after all that time. Glad It hasn’t been wasted...but the best is yet to come, Rose Tyler. You ready for this?
Erm...no?
She felt his chuckle in her mind, then a strange almost tickle as his mind-self began to wind itself around her, the almost-ghostly touch sending sparks through her nerve-endings and making everything feel so much more intense. At the same time, his lips claimed hers, his tongue whispering across her gums and tripping across the roof of her mouth. The sensations were so intense, she thought she might black out, and she needed to reciprocate somehow. He was pushing her to lie back in the deep richness of the red grass, and she could feel its soft caress against her legs as he began to trail his fingertips along her bare arms and up to her collarbones, sending sparks of white lightning across her inner vision. The combination of mind-touch and actual touch was completely intoxicating, and she knew she was forever spoiled for any other man. She sensed, rather than felt, her clothes being removed from her skin, until all she could feel physically was the whisper of the grass brushing against her already sensitised flesh, and the cool breeze playing across her, making the sensitive hairs on her skin react and pulling her skin into gooseflesh. As she worked her hands across his now bare skin, she marvelled at how soft it was, in contrast to his brusque roughness, and as she gently scratched her nails across his chest, she felt him shudder, both externally and in her mind.
Now I can tell you how much you mean to me, Rose. Now I can show you.
Doctor?
Ssh...just relax, and let me do this. I haven’t done this for...oh, so long now, and I need to. What you’ll see, and hear, is what I’ve seen and done. I’m not proud of it, it hurts so much, knowing it was me who killed them all, but it’s part of me, and I want you to see me as I really am. You have to, before we go any further. You may not want me after this, Rose. I’m sorry, really really sorry.
He allowed the long closed door in his mind to open, letting the horror and the pain of the Time War wash over him, through him and into her. It felt as if he was being shredded with blunt knives, and he tried to hold some of it back so she would not feel the same pain he did, but the shuddering gasps and the keening he could hear from her cut through him like a lance. She was seeing, feeling, doing, everything he did against the Daleks, could see the Fall of Arcadia, when all his men perished and he was the only one left standing, could see the last remaining Dalek ship fly into the jaws of The Nightmare Child, the weapon he had to detonate to ensure that the universe continued to exist, even if his people did not. Felt his anguish as he pressed the button and destroyed the greatest race of beings that had ever existed; destroyed his home, his family, his people, his planet. She felt his grief and rage at regenerating and discovering he was still alive, but that he was the last of his kind. Felt his pain and loneliness as he went through the motions of travelling and righting the wrongs of the universe as penance for his perceived sins, then felt his surprise at how perfectly her hand had fit with his in the basement of Henriks, and his grudging respect for her questions had turned into curiosity about this tenacious little human’s ability to question the ultimate authority in the universe. She felt his surprise at following the living plastic and finding it with her, and his astonishment that she had picked up what he had missed, being the thick old Time Lord he was. The transmitter, right behind him, and so big he was the one missing the bigger picture, while she saw everything so clearly. She felt his gratitude as she saved him with a swing on a chain, and his sadness at her refusal to travel with him. He had realised then just how special she was, but had thought she was meant for the universe, not for him. He had come back and asked her again, and she felt the sheer joy he had felt as she had ran into the Tardis, leaving her life behind for him.
She saw glimpses of her travels with him, the joy he felt at her simple pleasure in new sights, sounds and tastes growing into something much more profound. So profound he had denied it to himself for all this time, whilst still clinging to her like a recalcitrant child and allowing his jealousy to show only when it would appear that it was another, quite different, emotion. She finally saw him as he really was; a damaged, hurt, lonely being, whose love for her had grown until it could no longer be contained within him, and could almost taste his fear that she would leave him now. She knew he would outlive her, that she was just a blink of an eye in his timeline, but she knew she was his, and would forever be.
Ah, Rose?
Yeah?
Take a look at this? Any idea what you’re seeing?
Looks like silver and gold threads twined together, for miles and miles...can’t see the end. What is that, Doctor?
She felt his grin as he pressed his lips to the pulse point in her neck, and saw the silver shimmer of the cloud as it shivered around the now supernova-like light in her mind.
That, Miss Tyler, is us. Our timelines. I’m silver, you’re gold. The Tardis is showing you how long we’ll be together...if you want it. Timelines can be changed, be rewritten. I’ve always been silver in them, but I’ve no idea why she’s showing yours as gold. Might become clearer one day...although she’s a bit vague when it comes to emotions - no experience of them, see.
But...it twines together for so long...surely it can’t be right? I’m human...lifespan of a gnat, you said. Surely I should be able to see the end of mine...not that I want to, you understand, but I should be able to.
I know, got me baffled too, if I’m honest...but I’m not gonna argue with her. If she says that’s us for that long, then I for one am not gonna complain. You?
Of course not. I told you forever, and I meant it. If I can. I’ll stay as long as I can.
In her mind, she saw the final vestiges of greyness dissipate from the cloud wrapped around her light, and pure white fluffiness embraced her softly. The self-loathing he had held within him for so long had finally been replaced by the gentle, loving, compassionate, passionate soul she had always known he was hiding. He was healed, and he was hers. She bathed him in a golden light so strong it would have made her home sun as dim as a candle flame by comparison, and felt his joy, and love, and completeness at this manifestation of her love for him.
I know, my Rose. I know you will. And I may change my face, but it’ll always be me, you’ll always know it’s me if I have to regenerate, because I’m the only one who can do this.
He pulled back slightly from her physically, whilst delving deeper into her mind, seeking out her limbic centre, increasing the pleasure synapses tenfold, whilst gently slipping inside her, whispering her name like a litany, slowly trusting deeper and deeper into her body until he was completely sheathed in her hot velvet. He could feel her burning his body as she had his mind, and felt the cleansing flames heal him and make him whole again. As their bodies worshipped each other, with moans and pants and groans, their minds twined and twirled as they rose into their mindscape, soaring and dipping in their delight at one another, until they expanded into a single blinding light, before falling gently back to the surface. Their mental climax triggered their bodily one and they both cried out as their release struck them, clutching each other so tightly they could hardly breathe.
Alright?
You kidding? That’s as alright as I ever hope to be. It gonna be like that every time we make love then, Doctor?
Could be. Could be it gets better and better. Just have to wait and see. Take it you’re not complaining, Rose Tyler?
Hell, no! Might wanna experiment a bit with it though...I’ve got some ideas you might like...
The Doctor laughed. It was the most carefree sound Rose had ever heard, and as she opened her eyes and looked into the eyes of the man she loved, all she saw now was joy and contentment, not pain and self-recrimination. Her heart leapt in her chest as she realised he was happy. Really, truly happy, and she had never seen him like that before. She vowed she would do all she could for him to remain like that. She laughed with him.
Unleashed a monster, haven’t I?
Oh, you’ve at least a couple of lifetimes to make me pay Doctor. Now, where were we...
As her Human and her Time Lord rolled joyously in the long red grass of Gallifrey, the Tardis felt satisfied. Her Human’s lifespan had been increased, and her Time Lord would not be alone for such a long time to come. She had been right to bring them here, and right to confine them. How else would she have gotten the Time Lord to admit he needed the Human child, that he loved her beyond all reason.
She hummed contentedly in counterpoint to their laughter, and began to plot their futures, sifting through the Time Winds for the threads of their descendants, gathering them to her like a mother hen gathers her chicks.
They were hers. All of them. And she would see them inhabit her for a hundred lifetimes.
END