(no subject)
You lied, world. It doesn't get better. It just keeps going and going and going and I'm hanging on by my fingernails just trying to breathe. To keep from blowing my head off day by day. Rolling out of bed not because I want to or even because I have to but because it gets painful lying there. (and I don't mean emotional pain. I get sore if I lay in bed too long.)
They say to hang on, wait it out. It will get better. It will come together. But I've been waiting for my entire life and all I see is a long road of waiting and holding on as my fingernails bleed as I hang on and I keep looking at that drop, knowing all I have to do is let go.
I have sat by my friend's bedside. She's dying of cancer. They gave her a month to live. She's still there, in bed, breathing minute to minute and I am so jealous. I want to be there. I want to trade. She had a life and options and things to hold onto. She kept fighting. Me, I'd just let go.
They keep whispering that when she dies, when she lets go the pain will stop and she'll be in a beautiful, peaceful place. She'll become an angel. Then they look at me and tell me to fight. I'm jelous because they don't see the same for me. I want to be at peace. I want to let go and slip off into the void. I want to feel no pain. Feel no stress and sadness and strain and pain and everything that presses into me.
Just let me go!
They say to hang on, wait it out. It will get better. It will come together. But I've been waiting for my entire life and all I see is a long road of waiting and holding on as my fingernails bleed as I hang on and I keep looking at that drop, knowing all I have to do is let go.
I have sat by my friend's bedside. She's dying of cancer. They gave her a month to live. She's still there, in bed, breathing minute to minute and I am so jealous. I want to be there. I want to trade. She had a life and options and things to hold onto. She kept fighting. Me, I'd just let go.
They keep whispering that when she dies, when she lets go the pain will stop and she'll be in a beautiful, peaceful place. She'll become an angel. Then they look at me and tell me to fight. I'm jelous because they don't see the same for me. I want to be at peace. I want to let go and slip off into the void. I want to feel no pain. Feel no stress and sadness and strain and pain and everything that presses into me.
Just let me go!