rubbed raw
I feel like i did this summer. Those are the only words that truly sum it up. The world is crashing down and nothing is here to hold it up. Friends arent here and yet i dont have a cell for them to call, its not like most all of them dont know my fuckin house number. Then again, I can't blame my friends for my unhappiness here. I dont understand people anymore and i trust very few. I'm tried of people screwing me over and yet i think i may never learn. I mean last night my whole fucking family left me to go to the movies, mom with sister, dad with brother and left me at home with no food just to sit. A couple of shots later i called alyssa...idk why? I dont even remember what i said to the girl, but i remember hanging up thinking why am i such a fuck up. My mother is right...i have done nothing successful in the last three years except lose people, trust, and parts of my heart. I thought that after last year, pieces would slowly pull together, i could grasp onto everything, well how can i move past my troubles when i must live with them everyday. I am grounded until we go back and even then my mom is threatening to take me out on weekends. What else can i do. I sit here and wait for her to get home, for her to yell, and then her fall asleep so i can have a few shots and then fall asleep around 4 wake up at 12 and my day starts all over again. It's a pretty good break eh? yea so fuck this...in two weeks or less i'll be going back to school, and i never thought i would be so happy to stay there. Fucked up emotionally, mentally, and eventually physically...is this what i live for???