(no subject)
I am currently in Redmond. I had every intention of posting a public entry and a private entry. But I can think of more things to say in the public.
I'm a little tipsy. My parents went down to Vancouver today but my sister n her husband and my brother n his fiancee and I are driving there in the morning for my grandmother's (dad's mother's) funeral. There's no beer in the fridge, because supposedly Uncle Steve drank it all. So I've been tapping the bourbon and coke. Dad buys Old Ezra 101 proof. My other option was tequila and that's not gonna happen. I don't feel like I've been drinking that much - it's hard to drink THAT much of this stuff because even when I mix it with coke I still feel like I'm drinking a straight shot. But I think dad will notice the level of his bottle.
I haven't cried yet solely because of grandma's death. I know I'm a bad person. I never enjoyed being around her. I never really got to know her. She was more of a nuisance than anything else to me. It seems like with everyone in my family (save for, on occasion, my siblings) we ooze nothing but small talk. I hate small talk to begin with. How many times in a night can I tell someone else I barely know how I've been going to college, I fly airplanes, and I work in a casino, and it's really all just great - can't possibly be enjoying life more..? Well, the last few times I saw grandma Marion, she wouldn't even support the small talk. She'd ask me how things are. I'd spew the usual garbage. Then I would reciprocate and the appropriate answer was "fine." But not lately. She'd say "oh not good" and then barrage me with tales of her explosive diarrhea and difficulty walking. I never got to know her. I know I should have tried harder. But I couldn't bring myself to converse with her.
I guess I felt the same way about dad's father. I did not enjoy those conversations. I don't want to get old. Then again, that's assuming that I'm not already boring.
I'm too gone to finish this. Bored again. I won't even make it to a private entry. Well, maybe a sentence or 2.
I'm a little tipsy. My parents went down to Vancouver today but my sister n her husband and my brother n his fiancee and I are driving there in the morning for my grandmother's (dad's mother's) funeral. There's no beer in the fridge, because supposedly Uncle Steve drank it all. So I've been tapping the bourbon and coke. Dad buys Old Ezra 101 proof. My other option was tequila and that's not gonna happen. I don't feel like I've been drinking that much - it's hard to drink THAT much of this stuff because even when I mix it with coke I still feel like I'm drinking a straight shot. But I think dad will notice the level of his bottle.
I haven't cried yet solely because of grandma's death. I know I'm a bad person. I never enjoyed being around her. I never really got to know her. She was more of a nuisance than anything else to me. It seems like with everyone in my family (save for, on occasion, my siblings) we ooze nothing but small talk. I hate small talk to begin with. How many times in a night can I tell someone else I barely know how I've been going to college, I fly airplanes, and I work in a casino, and it's really all just great - can't possibly be enjoying life more..? Well, the last few times I saw grandma Marion, she wouldn't even support the small talk. She'd ask me how things are. I'd spew the usual garbage. Then I would reciprocate and the appropriate answer was "fine." But not lately. She'd say "oh not good" and then barrage me with tales of her explosive diarrhea and difficulty walking. I never got to know her. I know I should have tried harder. But I couldn't bring myself to converse with her.
I guess I felt the same way about dad's father. I did not enjoy those conversations. I don't want to get old. Then again, that's assuming that I'm not already boring.
I'm too gone to finish this. Bored again. I won't even make it to a private entry. Well, maybe a sentence or 2.