Friend DumpingswingsyrenJanuary 25 2007, 21:29:28 UTC
You know, I've really been debating this topic myself. I think the difficulty with friends as opposed to romantic partners is that we have different expectations of our friends. I don't think I've ever had a friendship that has even come close to getting as tangled and emotional as that of a romance.
It's interesting. The last 18 months have changed me so much that I've found I'm on the fence about a lot of friendships. Of those, some of them I just don't know if I want to continue. I've also become increasingly intolerant of people who don't put forth any effort. And so I guiltily admit I've done the "we should totally get together" thing- and mostly meant it, too- but haven't always been so great on the follow-though.
Some friends haven't changed with me, but I've loved those people so much, I'm willing to wait a while to see if they will catch up. Maybe they will, maybe they won't. Some friends have just fucked up royally, and again, I've loved them so much I want to wait and see if they'll see their mistake before I have to lower the ax.
Really, I guess it comes down to the friendship or lack thereof. In some cases, verbally "dumping" a friend seem pretty extreme. I guess I feel like it would only have to be said if it was actually someone I was really close to who really, really fucked up.
And I think all friendships can just ebb and flow- that it won't always be the same attention span, but maybe a few years down the line, it'll totally work again. I know we're talking about friends, but a good example: I'm seeing a guy right now whom I date for a month 6 years ago. It was weird for both of us then- but we still saw each other around for years after. Now we're dating again, but this time it's so much more in sync and really quite nice. We both just need to mature a little bit. Sometimes friendships need that too.
It's interesting. The last 18 months have changed me so much that I've found I'm on the fence about a lot of friendships. Of those, some of them I just don't know if I want to continue. I've also become increasingly intolerant of people who don't put forth any effort. And so I guiltily admit I've done the "we should totally get together" thing- and mostly meant it, too- but haven't always been so great on the follow-though.
Some friends haven't changed with me, but I've loved those people so much, I'm willing to wait a while to see if they will catch up. Maybe they will, maybe they won't. Some friends have just fucked up royally, and again, I've loved them so much I want to wait and see if they'll see their mistake before I have to lower the ax.
Really, I guess it comes down to the friendship or lack thereof. In some cases, verbally "dumping" a friend seem pretty extreme. I guess I feel like it would only have to be said if it was actually someone I was really close to who really, really fucked up.
And I think all friendships can just ebb and flow- that it won't always be the same attention span, but maybe a few years down the line, it'll totally work again. I know we're talking about friends, but a good example: I'm seeing a guy right now whom I date for a month 6 years ago. It was weird for both of us then- but we still saw each other around for years after. Now we're dating again, but this time it's so much more in sync and really quite nice. We both just need to mature a little bit. Sometimes friendships need that too.
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