relative madness
This week, I shitted my pants, streaks flying everywhere, I almost fainted at the smell of my own farts. Not that my farts were particularly any less stinkier during regular days - but this week and maybe the last, it smelled worse than horse shit. And I blame it on the bug juice they call Chinese medicine. I stupidly peeked at the Chinese junk that my mom was brewing for me and I saw cockroaches, beetles and shit like that (hopefully they were dead), so I kept imagining their legs crawling out of my mouth while I drank that ecstasy. Phew - Ewwwww!
It's supposed to cure me, but I got rashes instead and I kept doing the Itchy-Scratchy Dance and I look worse than ever. I'm really looking forward to the summer when I will be in long-sleeved turtlenecks and pants! My skirts and shorts and tank tops could forget coming out of the drawers / closet this year! I could not even freakin go swimming without people slowly walking away from the pool. Or maybe they would even ban me from using the pool. Poor Pedro! He wanted to go swimming with me even.
Speaking of my beloved, I celebrated our 2-months with him this Monday (he's funny, he even put hearts in his calendar and my name in the box, just in case he forgets who he is going out with, hahahaahah). :P We wanted to go see Mama Mia but it was only playing from Tuesday til Sunday! So we were bummed. Then we wanted to go see Medieval Times, and they also don't do shows on Mondays, which is his only day off!!!!!! :( So we wanted to go to Panorama to take in the view and some chocolate fondue, but....you guessed it, it was closed on Monday!
Finally, after 2 hours of trying to figure out where to go, we ended up Carmelina's Fresh Fish Market Restaurant, and the both of us ordered meat. Hahahhahahaa. Go figure. I am bummed that because of my condition, I couldn't eat any shelled seafood like shrimps, crabs, lobsters, oysters, clams, including squid, mango, pineapples, anything that is spicy or hot, and this frustrates me because I love eating those. I love food, period. :O So no more curry, no more hot stuff for me, no more shrimps and oysters :( Boooooo!
Anyway, my parents, especially my dad was upset that me and Taqui spontaneously decided to go to Niagara Falls Thursday at midnite (after Taqui gets off work) and stay over at Buffalo because Taqui just found out he wasn't working Friday till 4pm. My dad still thinks of me as his little girl and didn't want anybody to find out that I wasn't at home past midnight. It's never good to do sleepovers because I'm a girl, and it's considered "cheap" for girls to have sleepovers. You have your own house to stay in, why stay at someone else's? They got mad a few weeks ago at my brother who decided to stay over at a friend's house and it's even with a group of his church friends! Don't tell me they're thinking that he's having a religious orgy there? Come on! Be reasonable! He thinks that because I went out and stayed over that I'm going to bring home a kid. Really, now! If I wanted to do it, I didn't have to do it then. I could have done in anytime anywhere in half an hour. Blah blah blah. Anywho, I guess I have to let them be used to me having a boyfriend. For god's sake, I'm already 30, and they still think I'm 10!
What's wrong with going places with friends? If I don't do it now, I would not do it even if I'm 40! So yeah, well, it was crazy, Taqui drove, we got a little bit lost but we did end up at the Falls at 1 AM and went to Casino Niagara and played and got drunk until 3 AM (yeah, if my parents knew about this, they'll get upset, because girls who drink and get drunk are cheap *rolls eyes*), then we crossed the border and we got held up there since Taqui looks like a terrorist (just kidding!) and he's a Mexican whose last name happens to be the same as the members of the Mexican Mafia. Hahahha.
But after they took his mugshot and fingerprinted him, we were let go and then we head off to find a place to crash and had a nice spa experience at the hotel till 4 AM. Then woke up at 9AM to head to the outlet mall, where we got lost again and finally found it. We didn't shop much, just bough a few pairs of sunglasses and some packs of smokes and headed off to cross the border again and got held up there again because of my damn Mexican and we and our car got searched and I thought for sure that we were going to jail because we didn't stay long enough in the U.S. to be allowed to bring in smokes. But they let us go, we just abandoned the stash at the customs and left with nothing. Booo!
I was freaking out inside and nervous because I thought for sure that if I ended up in jail with Taqui that my parents are not going to let me date him for good! Anyway, no such thing happened, I was all worried for nothing. But I did get upset at the wasted money and stash and felt that we were stupid looking enough or had the bad luck to get caught. But you know what, if it's no big deal to Taqui, I shouldn't worry so much. When my old self would like to break off the relationship with him for just this little thing, the new me says that there's more to life than money, or packs of wasted smokes. Well, good thing is that he doesn't have an excuse to smoke more. Haahhaha. Good riddance.
Anyway, it was an adventure to me because I like to play safe. And such things don't happen to me because when I smuggle in things, I was always careful to hide it inside my pants. Hhahaha. Oh well. Would I do it again? Hell ya! Next time, we would just be more careful. Hhahahh. And I know it will be tough travelling with Taqui because he always got held up at the customs everywhere he goes because of his nationality and status ahahhaha, people are thinking that I was kidnapped by him, because what sane Chinese girl would go out with a terrorist-looking Mexican? Hahhahaha. But I don't regret spending time with him and if he travelled around the world so many times despite getting interrogated for hours every time, and nothing stops him, why should I be afraid if he's not?
Oh yeah, one thing though, there's a line that I'm drawing. He says that if we get married, we are going to do it at the bottom of the ocean, snorkeling with the sharks. Serious! He's been swimming with the sharks before and he didn't get eaten, so why should I be afraid he says. Well, I told him not to blame me if I started running, or should I say, swimming away and screaming "No" if the priest asks if I take him to be my lawfully wedded husband because the shark is swimming way too near us for my own good. I told him I don't want to die on my wedding day, and neither would I like to be a widow. What happened to good ol' traditional Mexican wedding with pinatas and all that stuff? Huh. I told him I imagined us getting married on horseback and he said that it's not good because what if I decided to bolt with the horse? At least with sharks, I cannot swim away as fast. Hhahahaa.
Well, I told him that I'll just send a proxy down the ocean or better yet, he could marry Halley Boot for all I care, but I'm not scuba diving with him, or go bungee jumping with him, over my dead body! Or maybe if I'm unconscious or high on ecstasy, but I don't really see it happening in the future. My adventures are limited to changing the light bulbs at home. I tell ya, this relationship is doomed from the start because we are total opposites, and if we were too similar, it wouldn't work either. See what happened with the pig, yeah we're almost alike - we were both housebound, bumming around with the PS2 and sleeping and 2 unambitious people who don't motivate each other - that wouldn't go anywhere either.
What now? Well, it's just a wait and see scenario, see where this relative madness takes us. If it's going in the same direction, then good for us. For now, I have to work on a new me, trying to relax and not to worry about every little thing like a lost penny. I am starting not to enjoy dinners out with my parents because they keep complaining how expensive it is, anything over 10 bucks per person is expensive for them. They told me to judge how Taqui spends at the Casino because that's how families are lost because of gambling. Anyone spending more than $20 at the casino is already a gambler. Well, then almost everyone there is!
So it's up to me to break it off, if he spends a lot, smokes a lot, does this or that. But if I judge every little thing with everyone I date, I'll end up a spinster. There's something wrong with every guy they meet. This person wags his legs, no good. This person doesn't put both hands up on the table while eating, no good. This person lives with his family, he's a dependent, no good. This person has his own apartment, he must be hiding something or doesn't get along with his parents, no good. This person bites his fingernails in public, no good. This person is a pastor, loves God too much, would love me less, no good. This person doesn't make enough money, can't support me, no good. This person makes too much money, must be doing something illegal like drugs, no good. Waaaaaaa!
Can't they see that everybody has faults, and no one is perfect. It's up to me to decide whether I can overlook those faults and still love him the way I should. I just have to pick my battles, see if he is worth or not. And for me he is, and even I'm not perfect, so does it mean I'm not worth it? But to my parents, I shouldn't show my bad side. They are already complaining about how giggly I am when I hear Taqui's voice, or how I am way too happy when I see him. They said I should maintain a decorum of decency and not to be expressive and emotional. I should act like it doesn't make a difference to me either way whether I am with him or not.
As with everything, I have to bottle it up. And it's because of this, that I'm having problems, because the pressure is building up inside me, and I have no outlet to relieve it. So it comes out of my skin and turns my immune system upside down. Haven't they learned that this is the cause of my problems, and yet they continue. They said, I wouldn't have to bottle things up if there are no feelings to bottle up, so it's the feelings that I should control and do away with. But I'm a human being who feels things, and it isn't my fault that I can feel anger, sadness, happiness like normal people do.
Anyway, I am not so much worried about what my parents tell me now. I take their words with a grain of salt, absorb what I need to absorb, and chuck what I need to chuck. I am more worried now about my Papa's finger that he almost cut off with a machine at the restaurant last nite. It's infected and might need stitching. It's the 2nd time now since being with him that he has cut his finger, and not counting the times he has burned himself, well....I should live with it, and I am waiting for his call as soon as he gets out of the emergency room. He didn't tell me that he was there or else I would have driven him but he knows I am squeamish. :O The last time I offered him to bring him to the emergency room, he declined so he didn't tell me now.
Oh well. My mother just dropped my mug of 11 years on the floor this week. Each of us has our mugs with our names on it, and after 11 years, mine is finally broken into a million pieces. They told me that this is a sign that the old Jenn is no more, and a new one will be reborn (according to my cheesy dad and his superstitions). But I'll take it. This June they said, there will be new and exciting things happening. I wonder what. I didn't tell them yet that we have plans to go to Mexico in June to visit his family. Maybe being with Taqui is a good thing after all.
It's supposed to cure me, but I got rashes instead and I kept doing the Itchy-Scratchy Dance and I look worse than ever. I'm really looking forward to the summer when I will be in long-sleeved turtlenecks and pants! My skirts and shorts and tank tops could forget coming out of the drawers / closet this year! I could not even freakin go swimming without people slowly walking away from the pool. Or maybe they would even ban me from using the pool. Poor Pedro! He wanted to go swimming with me even.
Speaking of my beloved, I celebrated our 2-months with him this Monday (he's funny, he even put hearts in his calendar and my name in the box, just in case he forgets who he is going out with, hahahaahah). :P We wanted to go see Mama Mia but it was only playing from Tuesday til Sunday! So we were bummed. Then we wanted to go see Medieval Times, and they also don't do shows on Mondays, which is his only day off!!!!!! :( So we wanted to go to Panorama to take in the view and some chocolate fondue, but....you guessed it, it was closed on Monday!
Finally, after 2 hours of trying to figure out where to go, we ended up Carmelina's Fresh Fish Market Restaurant, and the both of us ordered meat. Hahahhahahaa. Go figure. I am bummed that because of my condition, I couldn't eat any shelled seafood like shrimps, crabs, lobsters, oysters, clams, including squid, mango, pineapples, anything that is spicy or hot, and this frustrates me because I love eating those. I love food, period. :O So no more curry, no more hot stuff for me, no more shrimps and oysters :( Boooooo!
Anyway, my parents, especially my dad was upset that me and Taqui spontaneously decided to go to Niagara Falls Thursday at midnite (after Taqui gets off work) and stay over at Buffalo because Taqui just found out he wasn't working Friday till 4pm. My dad still thinks of me as his little girl and didn't want anybody to find out that I wasn't at home past midnight. It's never good to do sleepovers because I'm a girl, and it's considered "cheap" for girls to have sleepovers. You have your own house to stay in, why stay at someone else's? They got mad a few weeks ago at my brother who decided to stay over at a friend's house and it's even with a group of his church friends! Don't tell me they're thinking that he's having a religious orgy there? Come on! Be reasonable! He thinks that because I went out and stayed over that I'm going to bring home a kid. Really, now! If I wanted to do it, I didn't have to do it then. I could have done in anytime anywhere in half an hour. Blah blah blah. Anywho, I guess I have to let them be used to me having a boyfriend. For god's sake, I'm already 30, and they still think I'm 10!
What's wrong with going places with friends? If I don't do it now, I would not do it even if I'm 40! So yeah, well, it was crazy, Taqui drove, we got a little bit lost but we did end up at the Falls at 1 AM and went to Casino Niagara and played and got drunk until 3 AM (yeah, if my parents knew about this, they'll get upset, because girls who drink and get drunk are cheap *rolls eyes*), then we crossed the border and we got held up there since Taqui looks like a terrorist (just kidding!) and he's a Mexican whose last name happens to be the same as the members of the Mexican Mafia. Hahahha.
But after they took his mugshot and fingerprinted him, we were let go and then we head off to find a place to crash and had a nice spa experience at the hotel till 4 AM. Then woke up at 9AM to head to the outlet mall, where we got lost again and finally found it. We didn't shop much, just bough a few pairs of sunglasses and some packs of smokes and headed off to cross the border again and got held up there again because of my damn Mexican and we and our car got searched and I thought for sure that we were going to jail because we didn't stay long enough in the U.S. to be allowed to bring in smokes. But they let us go, we just abandoned the stash at the customs and left with nothing. Booo!
I was freaking out inside and nervous because I thought for sure that if I ended up in jail with Taqui that my parents are not going to let me date him for good! Anyway, no such thing happened, I was all worried for nothing. But I did get upset at the wasted money and stash and felt that we were stupid looking enough or had the bad luck to get caught. But you know what, if it's no big deal to Taqui, I shouldn't worry so much. When my old self would like to break off the relationship with him for just this little thing, the new me says that there's more to life than money, or packs of wasted smokes. Well, good thing is that he doesn't have an excuse to smoke more. Haahhaha. Good riddance.
Anyway, it was an adventure to me because I like to play safe. And such things don't happen to me because when I smuggle in things, I was always careful to hide it inside my pants. Hhahaha. Oh well. Would I do it again? Hell ya! Next time, we would just be more careful. Hhahahh. And I know it will be tough travelling with Taqui because he always got held up at the customs everywhere he goes because of his nationality and status ahahhaha, people are thinking that I was kidnapped by him, because what sane Chinese girl would go out with a terrorist-looking Mexican? Hahhahaha. But I don't regret spending time with him and if he travelled around the world so many times despite getting interrogated for hours every time, and nothing stops him, why should I be afraid if he's not?
Oh yeah, one thing though, there's a line that I'm drawing. He says that if we get married, we are going to do it at the bottom of the ocean, snorkeling with the sharks. Serious! He's been swimming with the sharks before and he didn't get eaten, so why should I be afraid he says. Well, I told him not to blame me if I started running, or should I say, swimming away and screaming "No" if the priest asks if I take him to be my lawfully wedded husband because the shark is swimming way too near us for my own good. I told him I don't want to die on my wedding day, and neither would I like to be a widow. What happened to good ol' traditional Mexican wedding with pinatas and all that stuff? Huh. I told him I imagined us getting married on horseback and he said that it's not good because what if I decided to bolt with the horse? At least with sharks, I cannot swim away as fast. Hhahahaa.
Well, I told him that I'll just send a proxy down the ocean or better yet, he could marry Halley Boot for all I care, but I'm not scuba diving with him, or go bungee jumping with him, over my dead body! Or maybe if I'm unconscious or high on ecstasy, but I don't really see it happening in the future. My adventures are limited to changing the light bulbs at home. I tell ya, this relationship is doomed from the start because we are total opposites, and if we were too similar, it wouldn't work either. See what happened with the pig, yeah we're almost alike - we were both housebound, bumming around with the PS2 and sleeping and 2 unambitious people who don't motivate each other - that wouldn't go anywhere either.
What now? Well, it's just a wait and see scenario, see where this relative madness takes us. If it's going in the same direction, then good for us. For now, I have to work on a new me, trying to relax and not to worry about every little thing like a lost penny. I am starting not to enjoy dinners out with my parents because they keep complaining how expensive it is, anything over 10 bucks per person is expensive for them. They told me to judge how Taqui spends at the Casino because that's how families are lost because of gambling. Anyone spending more than $20 at the casino is already a gambler. Well, then almost everyone there is!
So it's up to me to break it off, if he spends a lot, smokes a lot, does this or that. But if I judge every little thing with everyone I date, I'll end up a spinster. There's something wrong with every guy they meet. This person wags his legs, no good. This person doesn't put both hands up on the table while eating, no good. This person lives with his family, he's a dependent, no good. This person has his own apartment, he must be hiding something or doesn't get along with his parents, no good. This person bites his fingernails in public, no good. This person is a pastor, loves God too much, would love me less, no good. This person doesn't make enough money, can't support me, no good. This person makes too much money, must be doing something illegal like drugs, no good. Waaaaaaa!
Can't they see that everybody has faults, and no one is perfect. It's up to me to decide whether I can overlook those faults and still love him the way I should. I just have to pick my battles, see if he is worth or not. And for me he is, and even I'm not perfect, so does it mean I'm not worth it? But to my parents, I shouldn't show my bad side. They are already complaining about how giggly I am when I hear Taqui's voice, or how I am way too happy when I see him. They said I should maintain a decorum of decency and not to be expressive and emotional. I should act like it doesn't make a difference to me either way whether I am with him or not.
As with everything, I have to bottle it up. And it's because of this, that I'm having problems, because the pressure is building up inside me, and I have no outlet to relieve it. So it comes out of my skin and turns my immune system upside down. Haven't they learned that this is the cause of my problems, and yet they continue. They said, I wouldn't have to bottle things up if there are no feelings to bottle up, so it's the feelings that I should control and do away with. But I'm a human being who feels things, and it isn't my fault that I can feel anger, sadness, happiness like normal people do.
Anyway, I am not so much worried about what my parents tell me now. I take their words with a grain of salt, absorb what I need to absorb, and chuck what I need to chuck. I am more worried now about my Papa's finger that he almost cut off with a machine at the restaurant last nite. It's infected and might need stitching. It's the 2nd time now since being with him that he has cut his finger, and not counting the times he has burned himself, well....I should live with it, and I am waiting for his call as soon as he gets out of the emergency room. He didn't tell me that he was there or else I would have driven him but he knows I am squeamish. :O The last time I offered him to bring him to the emergency room, he declined so he didn't tell me now.
Oh well. My mother just dropped my mug of 11 years on the floor this week. Each of us has our mugs with our names on it, and after 11 years, mine is finally broken into a million pieces. They told me that this is a sign that the old Jenn is no more, and a new one will be reborn (according to my cheesy dad and his superstitions). But I'll take it. This June they said, there will be new and exciting things happening. I wonder what. I didn't tell them yet that we have plans to go to Mexico in June to visit his family. Maybe being with Taqui is a good thing after all.