too hectic
so far this year:
philly to dallas then back to philly to richmond back to philly to new york and back and new york and back and new york and back........(you get the idea) to minneapolis back to philly to finally settle in new york, then to baltimore, then philly then new york then baltimore (that was all just today!) and then back to new york, then nevada, then philly, then portland then back to new york. and if i get lucky i'll make it back to dallas and maybe miami before the year ends.
constant movement seems to be the only thing making me happy lately. i feel free to just go and have adventures and everything be damned. when i stop for too long all i feel is sad and anxious. i can't figure out why but until it feels good again i think i should just stay in motion as long as possible. and there is nothing so glorious as being kept so busy by constant movement that when you do stop to think about a close friend who's died you try and hold back the tears as hard as you can and think of all the good times. (i failed miserably at that holding back part by the way).
trevor was a close friend of mine. a dependable friend. someone i could always count on at 4am and one of the first people i would call if this had happened to someone else. i can't ever remember seeing him that annoyed or angry and he was one of those few people that would never made me feel bad or wrong or stupid for something i did or said. he was as likely to laugh with me at my mistakes as to give me a comforting hug. i want so badly just to run into him again. i keep feeling like it isn't real, like i'll go back to philly and he'll be there sitting on the wall and we'll talk about stuff and i'l lget him to laugh at some dumb thing i did and i'll get one of those good good hugs............i feel like an asshole for talking about it on the stupid internet. it's frustrating.... fuckit.
philly to dallas then back to philly to richmond back to philly to new york and back and new york and back and new york and back........(you get the idea) to minneapolis back to philly to finally settle in new york, then to baltimore, then philly then new york then baltimore (that was all just today!) and then back to new york, then nevada, then philly, then portland then back to new york. and if i get lucky i'll make it back to dallas and maybe miami before the year ends.
constant movement seems to be the only thing making me happy lately. i feel free to just go and have adventures and everything be damned. when i stop for too long all i feel is sad and anxious. i can't figure out why but until it feels good again i think i should just stay in motion as long as possible. and there is nothing so glorious as being kept so busy by constant movement that when you do stop to think about a close friend who's died you try and hold back the tears as hard as you can and think of all the good times. (i failed miserably at that holding back part by the way).
trevor was a close friend of mine. a dependable friend. someone i could always count on at 4am and one of the first people i would call if this had happened to someone else. i can't ever remember seeing him that annoyed or angry and he was one of those few people that would never made me feel bad or wrong or stupid for something i did or said. he was as likely to laugh with me at my mistakes as to give me a comforting hug. i want so badly just to run into him again. i keep feeling like it isn't real, like i'll go back to philly and he'll be there sitting on the wall and we'll talk about stuff and i'l lget him to laugh at some dumb thing i did and i'll get one of those good good hugs............i feel like an asshole for talking about it on the stupid internet. it's frustrating.... fuckit.