Scottish fairytales hetalified
There was once a young lad called America, whose father
died, leaving America and his mother without money. America was a tall lad with
bright hair the colour of the buttercups in the field and blue eyes the same
blue as the skies above. He was of a cheerful sort and his joking smiles often
hid his true intelligence. After his father died America realised that he could
not help his mother work as he did not know how. So, as America had long
decided that he was a hero he set out to seek his fortune. He had a few skills
but mostly relied on his super strength that he mother had never understood.
After travelling a long way on the first day, America came across a house near a wood. He stopped and talked to the people of the house and, as he looked tired from his journey, they offered him food and a bed for the night. He also had dazzled them with his bright smile. In the morning the man of the house, a stingy fellow who doted all his affection on his little sister, asked America if he needed work, and America replied that he did.
“I have a herd of cattle that needs minding,” Said the man. “If you will do that job for me I should be pleased. But do not go into the field of sunflowers. For a giant lives in that field and he would surely bash you with his lead pipe if you go there. He may even carry off my cattle to eat.”
America went to the field to mind the cattle, and he had not been there long when he started to admire the beautiful sunflowers in neighbouring field. The sunflowers looked laden with many sunflower seeds all ready to be eaten. There were also many types of sunflower and some that America did not recognise. He peered through the hedge and no one seemed to be about. So America thought he would risk a quick dash into the giant’s field to take some sunflowers.
As America was picking some of the flowers, an almost invisible young lad with a strange curl and purple eyes passed along the lane that ran by the edge of the field. He was also admiring the sunflowers, and quietly asked America if he would take some for him. It took quite a few tries to get America to see him despite the fact he was carrying a white bear that was defiantly not native to the area. However, when he did notice the other boy America looked around him cautiously, to make sure the giant was not coming, and agreed. Soon both he and the other boy had some fine, tasty sunflower seeds to eat.
“I will give you something useful in return for your favour,” The other boy said to America, “Here are three stout rods and a sword. Whoever you stab with this sword, they will be sure to fall down dead. You need never fear your enemies,”
“Ha-ha! What fear? A hero never fears anyone!” America replied but took the gifts and thanked the other boy, in truth he was slightly worried about the giant as he wondered if giants were like ghosts and would be able to sense if something had disturbed its haunting grounds and came for revenge. America shivered at the thought of ghosts.
“Good luck,” the other boy said to America.
“Who?” said the bear?
“Its Canada,” the young boy sighed, before he was promptly forgotten as he had turned invisible once again.
It was not long before a dark ‘Kolkolkolkol’ sound came across the field and the giant suddenly appeared from amidst the sunflowers. America quickly climbed a nearby tree in the cow’s field, for he had not tried the sword and wondered whether it would work. This did not put off the giant, who brandished his pipe and set about smashing the trunk of the tree. The tree began to creak as the pipe smashed through its trunk before it toppled to the ground, and America fell to the ground. But as the giant did this, America’s sword grazed his flesh, and the giant fell down dead.
The next day, America was guarding his master’s cattle again, when a small pretty girl holding a knife appeared from the sunflower field.
“How dare you slay my precious brother, we were meant to get married!” the girl screeched.
America drew his sword for while it would be unheroic to kill a girl, killing a possessed psychopath did not count. He ran at the girl and while she first blocked him with her knife his super strength overpowered her and he felled her with one blow. As he looked at the corpse, America wondered if there were more in the giant’s psychopathic family.
On the third day a ‘boing’ sound was first heard before another girl, this one with giant breasts appeared from the sunflower field. America hid himself in the hollow of a tree, as he had always been scared of girl’s breasts and much preferred men anyway. While he was hiding he heard the giant boobed girl talking about taking some of the cows for milk.
“You will have to get through the hero first! America yelled from inside the hollow tree.
“Oh is it you, who killed my two siblings?” A dark aura took over the previously gentle seeming girl, “I shall take revenge on you for hurting my family before long!”
But as the girl drew near the tree, America leaped out and stabbed her. The last of the giant’s family was dead.
“Damn commie bastards,” America muttered as he got his breath back.
America then decided to go to the giant’s castle, which loomed from the middle of the sunflower field, and see what riches might be hidden there. When he arrived, he told the giant’s stewards, three shivering scared men that looked after the castle, that he had conquered the giants. The three stewards were so happy to be free of the giants that they gave America the keys to the castle treasuries. America took some of the money he found there and travelled back home to see his mother.
America found his country in turmoil when he arrived. People were weeping, and they told him that a fire-breathing monster had come to the country and had demanded one young boy or girl to eat every day. Tomorrow, it was the turn of the king’s son, who would be killed by the beast if no one could slay the monster or drive it away.
America decided this was a job for the hero and took his faithful sword. Then he went to see the prince whom the monster was hoping to devour. He told the prince that he had come to save him, and asked if the prince would marry him if he was successful. The prince blushed, spluttered and drew his large eyebrows together as he tried to find an answer. To shut him up America kissed him, and told him to leave everything to the hero. To this the prince blushed some more before deciding the hero was too stupid for anything else, agreed, besides the hero was a good kisser and the prince decided it was better than marrying the frog from the next door kingdom. In happiness America kissed the prince once again before falling asleep with his head in the prince’s lap. While America was asleep, the prince wove a ringlet of white stones in his hair, as a good luck charm while casting luck magic with his star tipped wand.
Suddenly, the monster crashed into the room. The prince started in fear before running off a number of curses that would make a sailor blush. America woke up and started at the sight of the monster while smiling at how cute the prince looked while all flustered and angry, but now was the time to be a hero. In one movement he jumped up and drew his sword. Holding the weapon in front of him, he aimed many blows at the monster, but despite his super strength he could not get close enough to sound the beast because of the fire that came spurting from the creatures mouth. They carried on like this for some time, America waving his sword and the beast spitting fire, until the monster began to tire and slunk away.
The next day, the beast returned. The same thing happened, with neither the beast nor America the winner, until the monster again grew tired and this time flapped its wings and flew away. America though hard, using the intelligence no one thought he had. He devised an amazing plan to build a giant robot and hold the beast still so he could stab it. It was the creature’s fire that caused the problem. After realising that he had little metal with which to build the robot America decided to go with plan B. Going to the market he walked up to the mysterious man that everyone called Egypt, from Egypt he borrowed a camel, and made the animal drink several barrels of water. When the beast appeared, America made the camel spit out its water to put out the fire. Then, before the monster could produce more flames, America went in for the kill, stabbing the beast and laying it low. At last the prince, and all his people, was saved.
America and the prince, who by now he had learned was called England, were betrothed while the Queen giggled all the while muttering about Yaoi and the cuteness of how her son was getting married to a boy. America learned that there was one spot behind England’s ear that sent him wild and the queen had the largest nosebleed she had experienced since she found the albino head of guards having sex with her husband. Of course she asked to watch.
America decided that before his big wedding he wanted to be a hero for other people and went away for some more adventures before his planned wedding day. This was not before getting his fiancé hot, bothered and naked in the bed, against the wall, on the table and in many other places around the castle.
After nine months the prince had a baby, no one could figure out how this happened and all Prince England did was mutter and curse, and swear never to have sex in his Angel form again. No one knew who the father could be, many were still trying to wrap their heads around the idea that the prince had given birth. The king was angry with his son, as he was of the stuffy aristocratic sort, but England persuaded his father to go with him to see a fairy, who might be able to give them the answer, he very well knew who the father was but he was too tsundere to admit he love the stupid hero. They found the fairy running round trying to catch a young lad with a strange curl coming from his head. The young lad was cursing in Italian and calling the fairy a tomato loving idiot. The fairy stopped chasing a grumpy Italian and placed a tomato in the child’s hand and said;
“Only the child’s true father will be able to take the fruit form its hand.”
The king then called all the men in his kingdom to the palace and every one of them tried to take away the tomato. Even France the neighbouring prince tried, of course he was kicked out by Prince England for letting his perverted hands anywhere near England’s baby boy. Despite all this no matter how hard they tried, the tomato would not come away from the baby’s hand. Finally, America appeared, as soon as he touched the baby, the tomato came away. He did this though only after laughing for a minute at England for not only getting pregnant, but also because their baby had England’s eyebrows and frown, to which England hit America on his head and told him no sex for a month for insulting his and Sealand’s eyebrows.
The king was filled with anger towards America and his son, and wanted them to leave the palace forthwith. The queen disagreed as she wanted to see the hot men have sex more but was overruled by her husband. So he put the prince and America in rags and set them in a rotten boat and cast them out to sea. Just as the couple thought that they were going to sink, a previously invisible boy appeared;
“I was the one who gave America his sword, and the one who protected the prince from the breath of the beast,” He said.
“Who?” Both England and America replied, the lad sighed and muttered;
“It’s Canada!”
“Once more I will help you.” He sighed and repaired the boat, turned their rags into fine robes, America laughed at England’ saying they were more girly, England blushed and sulked. Then America sneaked his hand under England’s robe and said that it made for easier access, England squeaked and blushed. Canada also blushed before stuttering;
“Y-y-you should really get back to shore now,” He then promptly pushed the boat back to shore. And so they returned to the palace.
Now America explained to the king who he was.
“I was the hero who saved your son from becoming the victim of the monster,” America proclaimed. And America produced the Kings gold Piano Keys, which he had taken before, and the monster’s head, to show he spoke true. As further proof, the prince showed them all the ringlet of stones in America’s hair. Convinced of the truth, the king allowed the couple to marry. This also helped him as it made his queen very happy. They lived in happiness, and eventually, America himself became king. He then proceeded to use this to make the prince have sex with him in even more places including the throne. Their son Sealand grew up knowing more details about sex then he would have as France’s son. But none of that really matters.
The End
The next fairy tale shall be a Hetalia version of "The Seal Woman"
After travelling a long way on the first day, America came across a house near a wood. He stopped and talked to the people of the house and, as he looked tired from his journey, they offered him food and a bed for the night. He also had dazzled them with his bright smile. In the morning the man of the house, a stingy fellow who doted all his affection on his little sister, asked America if he needed work, and America replied that he did.
“I have a herd of cattle that needs minding,” Said the man. “If you will do that job for me I should be pleased. But do not go into the field of sunflowers. For a giant lives in that field and he would surely bash you with his lead pipe if you go there. He may even carry off my cattle to eat.”
America went to the field to mind the cattle, and he had not been there long when he started to admire the beautiful sunflowers in neighbouring field. The sunflowers looked laden with many sunflower seeds all ready to be eaten. There were also many types of sunflower and some that America did not recognise. He peered through the hedge and no one seemed to be about. So America thought he would risk a quick dash into the giant’s field to take some sunflowers.
As America was picking some of the flowers, an almost invisible young lad with a strange curl and purple eyes passed along the lane that ran by the edge of the field. He was also admiring the sunflowers, and quietly asked America if he would take some for him. It took quite a few tries to get America to see him despite the fact he was carrying a white bear that was defiantly not native to the area. However, when he did notice the other boy America looked around him cautiously, to make sure the giant was not coming, and agreed. Soon both he and the other boy had some fine, tasty sunflower seeds to eat.
“I will give you something useful in return for your favour,” The other boy said to America, “Here are three stout rods and a sword. Whoever you stab with this sword, they will be sure to fall down dead. You need never fear your enemies,”
“Ha-ha! What fear? A hero never fears anyone!” America replied but took the gifts and thanked the other boy, in truth he was slightly worried about the giant as he wondered if giants were like ghosts and would be able to sense if something had disturbed its haunting grounds and came for revenge. America shivered at the thought of ghosts.
“Good luck,” the other boy said to America.
“Who?” said the bear?
“Its Canada,” the young boy sighed, before he was promptly forgotten as he had turned invisible once again.
It was not long before a dark ‘Kolkolkolkol’ sound came across the field and the giant suddenly appeared from amidst the sunflowers. America quickly climbed a nearby tree in the cow’s field, for he had not tried the sword and wondered whether it would work. This did not put off the giant, who brandished his pipe and set about smashing the trunk of the tree. The tree began to creak as the pipe smashed through its trunk before it toppled to the ground, and America fell to the ground. But as the giant did this, America’s sword grazed his flesh, and the giant fell down dead.
The next day, America was guarding his master’s cattle again, when a small pretty girl holding a knife appeared from the sunflower field.
“How dare you slay my precious brother, we were meant to get married!” the girl screeched.
America drew his sword for while it would be unheroic to kill a girl, killing a possessed psychopath did not count. He ran at the girl and while she first blocked him with her knife his super strength overpowered her and he felled her with one blow. As he looked at the corpse, America wondered if there were more in the giant’s psychopathic family.
On the third day a ‘boing’ sound was first heard before another girl, this one with giant breasts appeared from the sunflower field. America hid himself in the hollow of a tree, as he had always been scared of girl’s breasts and much preferred men anyway. While he was hiding he heard the giant boobed girl talking about taking some of the cows for milk.
“You will have to get through the hero first! America yelled from inside the hollow tree.
“Oh is it you, who killed my two siblings?” A dark aura took over the previously gentle seeming girl, “I shall take revenge on you for hurting my family before long!”
But as the girl drew near the tree, America leaped out and stabbed her. The last of the giant’s family was dead.
“Damn commie bastards,” America muttered as he got his breath back.
America then decided to go to the giant’s castle, which loomed from the middle of the sunflower field, and see what riches might be hidden there. When he arrived, he told the giant’s stewards, three shivering scared men that looked after the castle, that he had conquered the giants. The three stewards were so happy to be free of the giants that they gave America the keys to the castle treasuries. America took some of the money he found there and travelled back home to see his mother.
America found his country in turmoil when he arrived. People were weeping, and they told him that a fire-breathing monster had come to the country and had demanded one young boy or girl to eat every day. Tomorrow, it was the turn of the king’s son, who would be killed by the beast if no one could slay the monster or drive it away.
America decided this was a job for the hero and took his faithful sword. Then he went to see the prince whom the monster was hoping to devour. He told the prince that he had come to save him, and asked if the prince would marry him if he was successful. The prince blushed, spluttered and drew his large eyebrows together as he tried to find an answer. To shut him up America kissed him, and told him to leave everything to the hero. To this the prince blushed some more before deciding the hero was too stupid for anything else, agreed, besides the hero was a good kisser and the prince decided it was better than marrying the frog from the next door kingdom. In happiness America kissed the prince once again before falling asleep with his head in the prince’s lap. While America was asleep, the prince wove a ringlet of white stones in his hair, as a good luck charm while casting luck magic with his star tipped wand.
Suddenly, the monster crashed into the room. The prince started in fear before running off a number of curses that would make a sailor blush. America woke up and started at the sight of the monster while smiling at how cute the prince looked while all flustered and angry, but now was the time to be a hero. In one movement he jumped up and drew his sword. Holding the weapon in front of him, he aimed many blows at the monster, but despite his super strength he could not get close enough to sound the beast because of the fire that came spurting from the creatures mouth. They carried on like this for some time, America waving his sword and the beast spitting fire, until the monster began to tire and slunk away.
The next day, the beast returned. The same thing happened, with neither the beast nor America the winner, until the monster again grew tired and this time flapped its wings and flew away. America though hard, using the intelligence no one thought he had. He devised an amazing plan to build a giant robot and hold the beast still so he could stab it. It was the creature’s fire that caused the problem. After realising that he had little metal with which to build the robot America decided to go with plan B. Going to the market he walked up to the mysterious man that everyone called Egypt, from Egypt he borrowed a camel, and made the animal drink several barrels of water. When the beast appeared, America made the camel spit out its water to put out the fire. Then, before the monster could produce more flames, America went in for the kill, stabbing the beast and laying it low. At last the prince, and all his people, was saved.
America and the prince, who by now he had learned was called England, were betrothed while the Queen giggled all the while muttering about Yaoi and the cuteness of how her son was getting married to a boy. America learned that there was one spot behind England’s ear that sent him wild and the queen had the largest nosebleed she had experienced since she found the albino head of guards having sex with her husband. Of course she asked to watch.
America decided that before his big wedding he wanted to be a hero for other people and went away for some more adventures before his planned wedding day. This was not before getting his fiancé hot, bothered and naked in the bed, against the wall, on the table and in many other places around the castle.
After nine months the prince had a baby, no one could figure out how this happened and all Prince England did was mutter and curse, and swear never to have sex in his Angel form again. No one knew who the father could be, many were still trying to wrap their heads around the idea that the prince had given birth. The king was angry with his son, as he was of the stuffy aristocratic sort, but England persuaded his father to go with him to see a fairy, who might be able to give them the answer, he very well knew who the father was but he was too tsundere to admit he love the stupid hero. They found the fairy running round trying to catch a young lad with a strange curl coming from his head. The young lad was cursing in Italian and calling the fairy a tomato loving idiot. The fairy stopped chasing a grumpy Italian and placed a tomato in the child’s hand and said;
“Only the child’s true father will be able to take the fruit form its hand.”
The king then called all the men in his kingdom to the palace and every one of them tried to take away the tomato. Even France the neighbouring prince tried, of course he was kicked out by Prince England for letting his perverted hands anywhere near England’s baby boy. Despite all this no matter how hard they tried, the tomato would not come away from the baby’s hand. Finally, America appeared, as soon as he touched the baby, the tomato came away. He did this though only after laughing for a minute at England for not only getting pregnant, but also because their baby had England’s eyebrows and frown, to which England hit America on his head and told him no sex for a month for insulting his and Sealand’s eyebrows.
The king was filled with anger towards America and his son, and wanted them to leave the palace forthwith. The queen disagreed as she wanted to see the hot men have sex more but was overruled by her husband. So he put the prince and America in rags and set them in a rotten boat and cast them out to sea. Just as the couple thought that they were going to sink, a previously invisible boy appeared;
“I was the one who gave America his sword, and the one who protected the prince from the breath of the beast,” He said.
“Who?” Both England and America replied, the lad sighed and muttered;
“It’s Canada!”
“Once more I will help you.” He sighed and repaired the boat, turned their rags into fine robes, America laughed at England’ saying they were more girly, England blushed and sulked. Then America sneaked his hand under England’s robe and said that it made for easier access, England squeaked and blushed. Canada also blushed before stuttering;
“Y-y-you should really get back to shore now,” He then promptly pushed the boat back to shore. And so they returned to the palace.
Now America explained to the king who he was.
“I was the hero who saved your son from becoming the victim of the monster,” America proclaimed. And America produced the Kings gold Piano Keys, which he had taken before, and the monster’s head, to show he spoke true. As further proof, the prince showed them all the ringlet of stones in America’s hair. Convinced of the truth, the king allowed the couple to marry. This also helped him as it made his queen very happy. They lived in happiness, and eventually, America himself became king. He then proceeded to use this to make the prince have sex with him in even more places including the throne. Their son Sealand grew up knowing more details about sex then he would have as France’s son. But none of that really matters.
The End
The next fairy tale shall be a Hetalia version of "The Seal Woman"