You can go with this, or you can go with that
I just re-read my last post. I am proud to say that I followed through with my "good conclusion." Granted, it took me another 2 weeks from that date to do so, but I did. Since then, I have not regreted it. I am so thankful that he was so eloquent and understanding as he was. He knows where I am, and even further, where I'm going. And he also knows that unless he changes his ways, he can't come with me. So, that's where we left it. I still do not think that's he's a bad person, and I never will. I just pray that God will chase him until he catches him.
I can't say I haven't thought of him since, it's only natural, right? But I don't regret my decision, I don't look back and I don't miss him. I feel like he was a weight that was holding me down in my relationship with God. Since I have cut him loose, things have been happening! Wonderful things! Not wonderful in a wordly sense, but wonderful for me & God.
I am so happy to finally be where I am. It's funny, cuz people (Gary included) keep saying "I'm so happy that you've found something that makes you happy." Like I took up knitting or tap dancing. No! Ok, yes, God makes me happy, but it's not like He's a hobby. It's a choice and a change. Living a Christian life is a COMPLETE lifestyle change! And in that lifestyle change, some people tend to "fall off."
There are people that know me solely as Tammy from Monte's or T-Rex (party hardy dude!) or even worse....those people will never know me "new" me. They'll never know me in the way that I was meant to be. I'm totally ok with that. My past has been a weight that has been holding me back, in all sorts of ways. But, like I said, cutting out old habits means alienating some friends and that possibly leads to the cutting out of them as well. This is not a conscious thing or something that happens on purpose. Well, in some situations (Gary), it is. But right now, I'm talking about my girlfriends. Everyone thinks that I'm not me anymore. They think that because I don't drink and party and chase boys that I'm not me. The sad thing that they don't understand is that all those things before WEREN'T me. I was not willing to see the evil in worldly pleasures. I was blind to the fact that all the things that I "loved to do" were ultimately the things that were making me so dadgum miserable.
That last line is something that I am struggling with currently. Not with me, with my friends. The ones that choose to still talk to me, that is. Not all of them, but the main ones. They don't realize that the drinking and the boys and the drama is what is really making their lives hard. That, in addition to thinking that they have to do it all on their own. I know it's hard for some of them to received anything I say, because I am so newly out of it. But if they would just take a minute to really try to see the change in me, that would be all the testimony they would need. Everyone knows how boy crazy I used to be. This is actually the hardest habit I've found, to break. Mandy even said once; "you either always have a guy, or you always have something in the works." Of course, I disputed it at the time, but she was exactly right. Now, there's no boys, and she doesn't understand why.
I could really go on all nite, but I won't. I'll leave you with this. I'm finding that when someone makes the decision to give their life to Christ (and I mean really give it, not just kinda), everyone else around them that hasn't (or thinks they have) just don't understand the change. It's sad to know that sometime down the road, I'm gonna be walking on way, and they might be walking a different way. I pray for them. I pray for them all. Those who do have Christ, and those who don't, and those who just don't know. All I know is the good that He's done, and continues to do in my life. Really, that's all I got anyway.
Love til later...
I can't say I haven't thought of him since, it's only natural, right? But I don't regret my decision, I don't look back and I don't miss him. I feel like he was a weight that was holding me down in my relationship with God. Since I have cut him loose, things have been happening! Wonderful things! Not wonderful in a wordly sense, but wonderful for me & God.
I am so happy to finally be where I am. It's funny, cuz people (Gary included) keep saying "I'm so happy that you've found something that makes you happy." Like I took up knitting or tap dancing. No! Ok, yes, God makes me happy, but it's not like He's a hobby. It's a choice and a change. Living a Christian life is a COMPLETE lifestyle change! And in that lifestyle change, some people tend to "fall off."
There are people that know me solely as Tammy from Monte's or T-Rex (party hardy dude!) or even worse....those people will never know me "new" me. They'll never know me in the way that I was meant to be. I'm totally ok with that. My past has been a weight that has been holding me back, in all sorts of ways. But, like I said, cutting out old habits means alienating some friends and that possibly leads to the cutting out of them as well. This is not a conscious thing or something that happens on purpose. Well, in some situations (Gary), it is. But right now, I'm talking about my girlfriends. Everyone thinks that I'm not me anymore. They think that because I don't drink and party and chase boys that I'm not me. The sad thing that they don't understand is that all those things before WEREN'T me. I was not willing to see the evil in worldly pleasures. I was blind to the fact that all the things that I "loved to do" were ultimately the things that were making me so dadgum miserable.
That last line is something that I am struggling with currently. Not with me, with my friends. The ones that choose to still talk to me, that is. Not all of them, but the main ones. They don't realize that the drinking and the boys and the drama is what is really making their lives hard. That, in addition to thinking that they have to do it all on their own. I know it's hard for some of them to received anything I say, because I am so newly out of it. But if they would just take a minute to really try to see the change in me, that would be all the testimony they would need. Everyone knows how boy crazy I used to be. This is actually the hardest habit I've found, to break. Mandy even said once; "you either always have a guy, or you always have something in the works." Of course, I disputed it at the time, but she was exactly right. Now, there's no boys, and she doesn't understand why.
I could really go on all nite, but I won't. I'll leave you with this. I'm finding that when someone makes the decision to give their life to Christ (and I mean really give it, not just kinda), everyone else around them that hasn't (or thinks they have) just don't understand the change. It's sad to know that sometime down the road, I'm gonna be walking on way, and they might be walking a different way. I pray for them. I pray for them all. Those who do have Christ, and those who don't, and those who just don't know. All I know is the good that He's done, and continues to do in my life. Really, that's all I got anyway.
Love til later...