Fic: Coming Back - Chapter 11/?
Title: Coming Back, Ch. 11/?
Pairing: Kara/Lee
Rating: R
Spoilers: Everything up to and including S3 Exodus, Pt. 2
Summary: Kara has met with the Oracle and is even more confused about her destiny and what part the Cylons might have in it. Will she trust Lee with these new revelations or will she let her past ruin her future?
A/N: [raises white flag] Remember me? Yeah, I know, I suck. So sorry for the lack of updates. I’m not going to make my new year’s deadline to finish this story, but the end is coming. The holidays and some RL issues kicked my booty, hence the delay in getting this next part up. It’s shorter than I normally like, but I wanted to give you all something. Hopefully, you’re still with me …
A little love will go a long way toward helping me finish. I intend to get some writing down this weekend for the new year and hopefully will finish this by the end of January. I swear, that’s the plan!
Thanks as always for your continued readership and support.
~TamSibling
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Chapter 11
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Kara knew she should return to quarters. Lee would have returned by now and he’d be nervous if she wasn’t there. But after her encounter with the Oracle, Kara felt as though she couldn’t breathe; the thought of being confined to a small space like Lee’s office was too restricting. Hell, the whole frakkin’ ship felt too small, as though the walls were slowly closing in around her and soon, Kara would be crushed between two opposing deck plates, the air forced out of her lungs as her body broke.
The hangar was the only place where she felt like she could breathe. She was perched on one end of the catwalk, body wedged into a corner of the walkway so she could see everything, all the activity, the knuckledraggers and pilots and the birds. Her own ship was across the bay, sitting quietly, untouched while she stayed out of the sky.
Her anger at the Admiral from just a few days ago felt foolish now. She wasn’t fit to fly, she was barely fit enough to walk upright, there was no way the Old Man should trust her with one of his birds. She couldn’t imagine having one of her flashes from New Caprica while she was behind the stick. Being distracted like that was the quickest way to end up as a smudge on the side of Galactica’s hull. And despite anyone’s thoughts to the contrary, Kara didn’t really have a death wish.
Well, not today. She’d reassess in the morning.
She was staring at nothing in particular when a long blue-clad leg made its way into her line of sight. Startling slightly, she tipped her head back not really surprised when she found Helo’s face staring down at her. His expression was an interesting mix of concern and bemusement.
“’Buck.”
“Helo.” She resumed her staring into space not really interested in having a conversation. But Helo rarely-scratch that, ever-heeded her non-verbal cues. Karl was forever disregarding her ‘frak off’ vibes and today was no different.
He folded his tall form into a sitting position, nudging her crossed feet out of the way so he could sit beside her. Kara sighed heavily as she readjusted her position, sitting up straighter against the wall. She tried pulling her knees into her chest, but her joints were still rebelling at the oddest moments and they didn’t want to be bent in such a way. Instead, she swung her legs out over the edge of the catwalk dropping them down next to Helo’s.
“Come here often?” he asked lightly, the smirk on his face a clear indicator that he had no desire to pick a fight. Lucky for him, Kara had no interest either.
“What do you want, Helo?” She didn’t have much interest in a conversation though.
“What are you doing up here?”
She shrugged but didn’t elaborate. Helo sighed before asking, “Hiding or sulking?”
She turned to him, sticking her tongue out quickly and managing to get a bark of a laugh from her oldest friend. “How about neither? How about thinking?”
Helo lightly punched her upper arm. “That would explain the smoke.”
Kara didn’t even bother with a fake guffaw.
“I realize you probably don’t want to talk, Kara, but I just wanted to let you know that I’m willing to listen if you do.”
She thought about ignoring him, seeing how long it would take before he finally gave up and took a walk, but she couldn’t handle the guilt that was slowly uncoiling in her belly at the thought.
“How does it feel knowing you married the enemy?” she asked after a moment, cringing at the way it sounded once she actually spoke it aloud.
Luckily, Helo’s first reaction wasn’t offense. “Sharon’s not the enemy,” he said instead, speaking patiently as though this was an argument he’d already had many times. Kara figured that was true.
“You know what I mean.”
He nodded. “I think I do. And I’m assuming this isn’t about Sharon, but Sam.”
Kara nodded, but couldn’t speak past the sudden lump in her throat.
“Kara, there was no way you could have known Sam was a Cylon. He didn’t even know.”
That rationale rang hollow to Kara. How could she not know her husband was a machine? She shuddered at the thought, thinking of all the times they’d made love, how many times it had been violent. She had always assumed it was because she knew she was a shitty wife-Sam had every right to leave a few bruises as a reminder of her transgressions. But now it felt more sinister. Maybe there had been intent. Maybe she had allowed him to hurt her just as she’d allowed Leoben to manipulate her because she had always been destined to love a Cylon.
“What do you know about it, Helo? How do you know all of this, Sam, my marriage, New Caprica-how do you know that wasn’t part of some giant plan? My special destiny.”
Helo sighed, but kept his silence for a few minutes. Kara waited, not feeling particularly patient, but unwilling to push him for a response. She wasn’t at all sure what he was thinking and therefore didn’t know if she really wanted to hear it.
“I know that Sam and the Cylons are not your destiny, Kara. No matter what your mother told you, no matter what you’ve been telling yourself for twenty years, your destiny doesn’t involve pain and sadness. Kara, you deserve to be happy. To be loved.”
Lee’s face sprung to her mind unbidden. Hadn’t he been saying pretty much the same thing for as long as she would listen? Hadn’t the Oracle said something similar as well? Kara didn’t need a special decoder ring to understand the Oracle’s words; to understand that Lee was Apollo, her sun, the light in the darkness, her wingman. She didn’t need powers of divination to understand the Oracle’s warning, that she would only survive what was to come with Lee beside her.
But trusting it was another matter entirely.
“You’ve got to let some of this go, Kara.” Helo’s soft voice pulled her back to the present. “This guilt you’re carrying with you, it’s not going to fix anything, Kara. It’s just holding you back.”
“From what?”
The exasperated look on his face was almost comical. “From what you want. What you deserve. From Lee.”
Kara’s face flushed hot at the mention of his name. It was fine for Kara to covet Lee in her heart, to imagine them having a life together in her own mind where no one could see or make fun of her for her foolishness. But having someone else call her on it made it too real.
“Like it’s a secret, Kara, for either of you,” Helo said with an eye roll. “Do you have any idea how frantic Lee was when you were missing? I’ve never seen him that upset, Kara.”
She kept her silence, uncertain what to say. She wanted to tell Helo he was imagining it, but the look on Lee’s face when he’d broken into that storage closet confirmed her friend’s assertion. “He’s in love with you, Kara and I’m about ninety-nine point nine percent sure you’re in love with him.”
“What does it matter? Just because I feel something doesn’t mean I deserve for it to be reciprocated.”
“Gods, Kara, it’s a good thing your mother’s dead or I swear you’d be testifying at my trial.”
Kara blushed again. Helo and Zak were the only people to ever profess matricidal urges toward her mother. She always assumed it was a misplaced sense of chivalry, some kind of displaced desire to defend her honor. She couldn’t imagine either of them actually doing it; couldn’t imagine her mother dying from any other cause than the cancer that ate away at her organs.
The sudden sting of tears forced Kara to look away, blinking as she took a deep shuddering breath. There were too many emotions, too many questions, too many memories swimming too close to the surface. The elation of her reconnecting with Lee alternated with fear at Sam’s betrayal. Memories of Leoben and his obsession gave way to flashes of Kacey’s smile and the sound of her laugh. And now, underneath all of it was the heady smell of the Oracle’s incense and her cryptic words that made far more sense to Kara than they should.
“Hey. Kara? Kara, can you hear me?”
The brush of Helo’s hand against her forearm startled her so much she actually jerked away, her lower back connecting with the bulkhead behind her, a dull ache added to the sharp stabs of pain she was subjected to already. Helo immediately retreated, holding up both hands in a sign of mock-retreat, his puzzled expression quickly turning to one of worry.
“I’m sorry, Kara. I didn’t mean-“
She couldn’t handle hearing one more person apologize for things they weren’t responsible for. It wasn’t Helo’s fault she was wound tighter than a drum or Lee’s fault that she could barely look at herself in the mirror. Hell, it wasn’t even Sam’s fault that she was disgusted with herself. Nope, all of that blame fell squarely on her shoulders.
So why were all they all apologizing to her when she was the problem?
“It’s fine, Helo.” She rose faster than her body could really handle, causing muscles and abraded skin to protest at the movement. Brushing by him quickly, she kept her head down, ashamed at the tears she could feel already wetting her cheeks. Too much; it was just too much.
“I’ll see you later, okay?” She didn’t bother to wait for his acknowledgement, didn’t bother waiting to see if he tried to follow her. She took the ladder to the deck two steps at a time, praying she could make it back to Lee’s quarters before her emotions truly betrayed her.
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Saul stood at one of the windows of the cell, looking into an empty brig antechamber. Even the guard on duty had been relegated to an outer room, advised to keep his distance from a man he would once have called friend and another he would have called superior. So it was only Galen and Saul trapped behind clear glass and metal, waiting.
“What do you think the Old Man’s going to do?”
Tyrol had been a pretty agreeable bunkmate, keeping his silence, maintaining a calm demeanor so as not to drive Saul made with fidgeting or nervous tics. But since Lee, the President and Adama had stopped by an hour ago to show off the alien device they’d found wedged under Kara’s seat, he’d been impatient, nervous. Tigh didn’t blame him.
“I’ve known Bill Adama for about thirty years now,” he admitted, keeping his gaze focused on the outside world. “And I think I’ve been anticipating his moves for about the last twenty-nine.”
Their shorthand had developed quickly. It only took a few firefights, shoulder to shoulder in the same hole for one man to understand the other; for one man to know when to zig while the other zagged.
“But for the first time in a long while, I have no idea what the Old Man is planning.”
Galen kept his silence after that.
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“What did you find?”
Lee held up the round disk, the dull silver almost gray in the muted lighting of his father’s office. “According to Hadrian and Cally, it’s not a bomb.”
“Any speculation on what it is, then?” The president asked, stepping beside Lee and removing the instrument from his hand, turning it over in her own as though it were made of the most precious metal.
Or the most toxic.
“Well, it was emitting a signal when we pulled out from under Kara’s seat. Cally was able to rig something to jam it. Otherwise, it’s fairly non-threatening.” If they all ignored the fact it had been in Kara’s cockpit.
Taking the device from Laura’s hands, Bill held it close to his face, eyes roving the technology in studied silence. Lee balled his fists, physically forcing himself to keep his temper and his patience. He had left Kara over three hours ago now and he didn’t like it. Actually, given the events of the past few days, there weren’t too many things he did like.
“I agree that it doesn’t appear to be a weapon.” The Old Man glanced up with a twisted look of humor on his face. “Of course, Saul, Tyrol and Anders didn’t either.”
Even Lee felt the sting of that statement.
Handing the disk back to Lee, his father said, “Take this back to Hadrian and ask her to keep it locked up. I want her team to run as many tests as possible on that thing. Once we’ve concluded it doesn’t pose an immediate threat, we’ll discuss how we want to proceed.”
Apollo nodded, taking the device while biting his tongue. Lee wanted to get back to Kara. He wanted to be sure she was all right. Of course, if this Cylon tech was another way to get to her, then no amount of his hovering was going to keep her safe.
“Cottle has also given Anders a clean bill of health, he’ll be transferred to the brig at the start of the next shift.”
Bill moved to take a seat on one of the room’s couches, gesturing the president to do the same. She sank into the nearest soft leather cushion, a look of sheer exhaustion gracing her features before she again masked it with her affected persona. Lee wondered when the last time either Roslin or his father had had a full night’s sleep. They both looked merely days away from crumbling to dust under the weight of their responsibilities.
“How is Kara?” his dad asked, pulling Lee’s attention back to the present.
He opened his mouth to answer before shutting it again just as quickly. “She’s … better,” Lee finally said. “Better than she was at any rate.”
“But?” Laura’s eyes held the smallest twinkle as she tried to coax additional information out of Lee. He suspected the president had always known more about his relationship with Kara than she’d ever admitted.
“She’s still not back to being Kara.” It was the most Lee was willing to concede. His time with Kara in these past few days felt precious, a gift he had no right to open let alone keep. She trusted him with her vulnerability and he wouldn’t be betray that by blabbing to his father or the president. No matter how well meaning they seemed, Lee knew that Kara’s pride was still a powerful thing and he didn’t want her questioning his loyalty should she ever discover he had over-shared.
“Am I dismissed?” he asked abruptly, surprised by the smirk that graced his father’s features at the question.
“Yes, Lee, of course. Please give Kara our best,” the Old Man answered.
Lee nodded and then left quickly, ready to dump off this Cylon tech and get back to Kara.
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