My adventure might be ending soon - or, How Tami is a pussy
I'm in Haifa and wanting so bad to go home. The past few days weren't good, and the thoughts in my head are spinning into places I didn't really think they would at this point.
Here's what's going on.
Middle of last week I got a call from HR Europe saying they won't have any work for me in the foreseeable future in drilling fluids in Israel so would I mind moving to Wireline? [wireline is the department the guys who were accepted with me are on].
So I said yes, and after getting better from the stress/sickness I got here on Saturday evening. I didn't know what wireline means, but I thought at least I'd have something to do.
And then on Saturday I was sitting in the train station and crying and crying and didn't get why.
The thing is, when I was accepted here I was really looking forward to this adventure. Going abroad, meeting new people, doing something which will give my career a big boost.
And all of a sudden I'm sitting in the train station and crying.
And maybe that's the biggest problem here, and all the other stuff is just excess justification, or maybe I just felt what is right before realizing the logical explanations.
I'm sitting here, wearing a (yet again) too big a coverall, feeling like this is so not my thing. I'm not the person to walk around in coveralls, I have a problem with lifting these big pieces of equipment (I still feel my back being not so nice about yesterday's work), I have a nasty boss, and, according to the Israeli guys here (who were the only two people who sat next to me in lunch and didn't have their heads stuck in their phones) I will get no actual engineering experience from this job. I'll be a well paid technician and a well paid labor worker (yeah, manual labor I can't really do) but that's it.
But this is not what's making me cry.
What's making me cry is the fact that I know that until I quit this job (be it at the end of this month or in five years) I will not be around the people I love, and that trumps out any fucking adventure.
So yes - I'm weak. I get away from home for a day and a half and I'm already a crying mess - but maybe that's just who I am.
Maybe I just care more about being in a loving environment more than I care about this career.
And, oh my god, I sound like a baby, but peeing in these coveralls is hell. And the Fridays aren't mine, I feel like I'm in the army. Seems like I haven't changed that much...
And I'm super cold in this fucking workshop.
It all comes down to the fact, that the longer I look at this the more it seems like this is not the kind of work environment I want.
More later.
Here's what's going on.
Middle of last week I got a call from HR Europe saying they won't have any work for me in the foreseeable future in drilling fluids in Israel so would I mind moving to Wireline? [wireline is the department the guys who were accepted with me are on].
So I said yes, and after getting better from the stress/sickness I got here on Saturday evening. I didn't know what wireline means, but I thought at least I'd have something to do.
And then on Saturday I was sitting in the train station and crying and crying and didn't get why.
The thing is, when I was accepted here I was really looking forward to this adventure. Going abroad, meeting new people, doing something which will give my career a big boost.
And all of a sudden I'm sitting in the train station and crying.
And maybe that's the biggest problem here, and all the other stuff is just excess justification, or maybe I just felt what is right before realizing the logical explanations.
I'm sitting here, wearing a (yet again) too big a coverall, feeling like this is so not my thing. I'm not the person to walk around in coveralls, I have a problem with lifting these big pieces of equipment (I still feel my back being not so nice about yesterday's work), I have a nasty boss, and, according to the Israeli guys here (who were the only two people who sat next to me in lunch and didn't have their heads stuck in their phones) I will get no actual engineering experience from this job. I'll be a well paid technician and a well paid labor worker (yeah, manual labor I can't really do) but that's it.
But this is not what's making me cry.
What's making me cry is the fact that I know that until I quit this job (be it at the end of this month or in five years) I will not be around the people I love, and that trumps out any fucking adventure.
So yes - I'm weak. I get away from home for a day and a half and I'm already a crying mess - but maybe that's just who I am.
Maybe I just care more about being in a loving environment more than I care about this career.
And, oh my god, I sound like a baby, but peeing in these coveralls is hell. And the Fridays aren't mine, I feel like I'm in the army. Seems like I haven't changed that much...
And I'm super cold in this fucking workshop.
It all comes down to the fact, that the longer I look at this the more it seems like this is not the kind of work environment I want.
More later.