Taking This One to the Grave

[tamakito]

Spoilers: Up to 2.08.
Warnings: Bullying, homophobia, sexual assault, mentions suicide attempt.
Rating: R-ish, erring on the side of caution
Word Count: 4, 749
Disclaimer: RIB and FOX own everything ever.
Also available: In fantabulous podfic format as read by diane_mckay.

This prompt. Some people have diaries; Kurt has Azimio, his French partner for the

Comments

[narie]

God, how do you do it? How do you make totally 2D characters into real flesh and blood people, and break my heart in the process? I can't even tell you who I'm most upset about, but I know from the moment Karofsky's secret was out I couldn't stop wincing, because at least Kurt had supportive friends...

[tamakito]

Oooh, thank you! Azimio is a nightmare and a half for me to write, and not just because I really want him to have a last/first name, lol. So I'm tickled that this worked for you character-wise, and that it broke your heart, mean as that makes me.

Also, totes. I mean, nothing Karofsky has ever done on the show is even remotely okay, and nothing I added here was either, but holy shit that poor boy has surrounded himself with the most toxic atmosphere toward coming out... Kurt was, horrible as it is to call basic decency lucky, fortunate to have Mercedes and Rachel and people like that.

SUFFERING FOR EVERYONE, I guess is the gist.

SO YEAH, thanks for commenting! You have made me a v. happy camper.

[narie]

Yeah, uh, Azimio is at pretty much the embryonic stages in terms of canonical development, isn't he? I think it's gotta be a last name, just because what kind of first name IS Azimio anyhow?

As for Kurt and Karofsky, word, yes. Kurt was terrified of coming out without knowing he need not be so afraid; Karofsky must know he is objectively screwed, at least in terms of friends (his father seemed nice enough, at any rate, tho who knows). The people most predisposed to being accepting of him at McKinley are the ones he's managed to anger the most, by driving away Kurt, and the rest, well... Yeah. It's not going to end well for him. :(

[tamakito]

Omg I know, I was thinking that too. Then the Glee Wiki said it was his first, that his full name was Azimio Adams? But then there's a war in the comments over whether that's his name or it was on some part of his jersey because it's a sporting goods company. So whatever, it's a groovy name, I just need another one. I hate my tag for him being one name, too. Pobrecito.

I KNOOOOW, Kurt was being pretty irrational in terms of his dad and the people he cares about (except Finn, to an extent, oh Finn bb why), and while I totally get why he would be... Karofsky is just objectively DEAD MEAT. His dad seemed super nice, too, I am in love with what we've seen of him - that look when K-Money was all like, "Well, maybe he likes me" omg - so it looks like Karofsky has practically deliberately built himself into this cage of hostility, I can't even. He needs to like... move. Switch schools too. Not that I want Adler off the show, but this is going to hurt.

[some_stars]

how do you keep DOING this, with prompts and ideas that shouldn't work at all, just making them SO GOOD. I am blown away. You wrote a convincing and fascinating AZIMIO, for heaven's sake, and gave him an actual relationship with Kurt, and Karofsky, and it all makes so much sense. It's so disturbing and believable how Azimio's disgusted/freaked by Karofsky, but gives him a chance to get himself "right" again, because it's not really homosexuality that these guys target, so much as behavior and appearances and social divisions--like how Azimio's more bothered by Karofsky crying and his voice cracking and using Kurt's name, and by his refusal to "pick a side" consistently, than by him actually kissing Kurt--that, he can dismiss pretty easily.

And the weird, mostly-suppressed attachment he has to Karofsky, like the line about hating Kurt for "stealing" him--any genuine friendship or feeling is all tangled up with his investment in this whole social structure. I love the line about "that's not the kind of best friends they are"(I can

AND MORE

[some_stars]

AND FINALLY--I originally started this comment apologizing for not having anything thoughtful and analytical to say this time, which, whoops--I absolutely love this sideways view of Kurt. Every line of his, every description of him just makes my heart ache(or stop, at the line when Azimio spoke French and Kurt threw up, because omg, SO INTENSE, yet so perfectly understated--actually that whole scene is fascinatingly understated considering what's happening in it, and it's so powerful because every time Kurt speaks it's a glimpse of the real drama and tension and terror of the situation, and then the narration falls back to Azimio's detached disbelief that it could have gotten this serious

Re: AND MORE

[tamakito]

Oh my god, so effing glad you liked that scene. I hated writing it so much, because I would be like all into Azimio's denial!POV and going through it and get to Kurt's lines and be like, "Oh, wow, I have to change these, he sounds like a total drama queen, chillax bro" and then go to actually change them and be like, "...Oh. Wait." I just... had more trouble juggling two such different views of what was happening than I usually do, I guess.

Also, Kurt, just Kurt. He so whack. I thought... I don't know, this could be pushing it even for him, the phone call, but also, I think he does feel a weird kind of responsibility for Karofsky. Like in a "but I want him far away from me" kind of way. And this would be the perfect solution - K-Money plainly needs a friend and FINALLY someone else knows the big secret, so here, I give you the info, now go be a friend - if Azimio weren't completely screwed up himself. Like "here okay now if he kills himself it's your problem not mine" but Azimio is just like "NO WHAT PROBLEM WHERE THIS! IS!

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[some_stars]

Okay, I am super glad that all didn't come off as a bunch of meaningless and overly-enthusiastic blathering. I worry

[thepyromanical1]

What a brilliant and original POV to use. Azimio cares about Karofsky enough to want to help him, but his idea of "helping" is LET US THROW FRESHMEN IN DUMPSTERS, and I just feel so bad for both of them.

I am enjoying your fic so, so much. :D

[tamakito]

Thank you! Lol, you know, I actually had it in my head that the prompt stipulated Azimio POV? And then I went back and realized that it didn't, but I was already like AZIMIO POV IS THE ONLY WAY TO GOOOO so it was too late.

Also, yeah, for true. Azimio does genuinely care about Karofsky, in a weird way, but just... enough exactly to make everything worse. Negl, I want Karofsky to come out on the show and for Azimio to be totally down with it, but given what I had to work with that seemed a bit much to ask.

Well and thank you again! I'm so psyched you're enjoying! And thanks for taking the time to say so!

[ileliberte]

Man, trust you to take a one-note, flat character on the show and make him into a fully fleshed out human being and do such a good job of it. I loved how...complex it was and how Azimio is not really a very good person but isn't some cardboard cutout of a villain and has weird personal boundaries about things. I do not like Karofsky at all and I'm glad you didn't try to make him likable or excuse his actions, but I loved that you made me think about how he's human too and how awful his surrounding environment is.

And of course, obligatory oh Kurt.

P.S: I noticed you're taking on another prompt. This is my face right now --> :D

[tamakito]

"Azimio is not really a very good person but isn't some cardboard cutout of a villain" omfg thank you, I am so glad he came across that way. He was flipping hard to write, I will tell you that right now. And that you thought it was complex, I am just jumping up and down right now.

Also, re: Karofsky - I love his character, like the way I love Snape in HP, like "oh my god nothing you have ever done is even a little okay, you asshole" but they're so interesting that I just want to write about them and stuff - but yeah. Regardless of how one feels about his character, he is not "likable" and his actions are completely inexcusable, and I really don't like it when people try to pretend they are. But he has managed to put himself in the worst possible environment ever for coming out, it's just... you want to slap him, but god the poor kid

[jyusan]

83t2rgqpegr23fk24h. Loved it. The way you describe Azimio, his whole stand point on bullying and hierarchy, that was freaking perfect. The parts about how he just couldn't handle how Karofsky deviates from him, having something different, it was wonderful. Karofsky was cool, too and ahh

[tamakito]

Oooh, thank you for commenting! I'm tickled pink that you liked it! And yeah, they're both really hard to write, because - you know, they're human, they're not all bad, and they are part of a really rough environment. But also they're royal jackasses and they've chosen to deal with said environment by making it worse. It's just - yeah, the middle ground is hard to find.

It totally killed me to write this screwed-up dynamic, too, because friendship is a good and beautiful thing! but they they're using it for evil. Like Azimio does care about Karofsky, but in such a socially-acceptable way that caring just makes it worse. SO MUCH MISGUIDED TEENAGE BOY ALL OVER, MAN, I DON'T KNOW.

Thank you so much for commenting, and with such lovely words! You are so gorram nice, man, I don't even.