It's quite possible to feel guilty while doing something you believe necessary
For those of you new to my journal, Moo/Gavin is my almost-three-year-old son. Since this evening's experience was both a major Mama Guilt moment and also an educational parenting lesson for me, I figured I'd repost part of his most recent entry here for those who don't follow his journal as well.
next part x-posted from my son's journal, gavinfrolic.
Tonight we started making him try a bite of dinner before we'd give him anything else (we did this briefly before, it got results, we stopped, and gradually over time the results stopped as well), since he's been getting pickier and pickier. So we offered him a bite of dinner and he refused to try it, we made it clear that he had to try the bite (if he doesn't like it, he can spit it out) and he won't get anything else until he tries it. If he tries it and doesn't like it, we will get him something else to eat, but trying one bite of it is necessary.
Eventually he gave up (still having not tried the bite) and said he was all done, so I let him out of his chair. We were playing with a toy bird a little while later and he was making the bird clap. I asked how the bird was feeling (it occurred to me to ask since Moo was making the bird clap) and Moo said, "Sad." I said, "Why is the bird sad?" and Moo said, "Hungry." (Yes, this is the part where I simultaneously felt like Mommy Dearest and also steeled my resolve on the issue.) I said, "Would the bird like a banana?" Gavin said, "Yes." I said, "Okay. The birdie can try the food, and then have some banana." So Gavin helped the bird "try" the food (putting it's beak against the food). I pretended to be the bird and said, "Yum!" Then Gavin said, "Now banana," and I said, "Yes, the bird tried the food and now Gavin can try the food, and then Gavin and the bird can share a banana!" Moo pretended to try the food (bringing the fork to his lips and then putting it down again). I said, "No, that isn't trying it. Do you want the bird to feed you?" He nodded, so I picked up the fork with the bird's wings and Moo sampled the food for a moment before pushing it out with his tongue. I said enthusiastically, "Great! Gavin and the bird both tried the food, so now you can share the banana!" So I got a banana and a bagel for Moo (and the bird), and while I was getting it I asked Moo, "How does the bird feel now?" and he said, "Pleased!" I said, "How does Moo feel?" and he said, "Happy!"
That was interesting because that's the first time Moo has vocally projected his feelings onto something else. It was also a good experience because it taught me a new parenting technique - I can try using an inanimate object as an intermediary. So in case he and I are locked in a battle of wills (which is, thankfully, not a common occurrence), I now know I can try using something else (the example being that he didn't want me to feed him because we were locked in a Gavin-vs-Mama standoff over whether he'd try the food or not, but he was fine with the bird feeding him).
next part x-posted from my son's journal, gavinfrolic.
Tonight we started making him try a bite of dinner before we'd give him anything else (we did this briefly before, it got results, we stopped, and gradually over time the results stopped as well), since he's been getting pickier and pickier. So we offered him a bite of dinner and he refused to try it, we made it clear that he had to try the bite (if he doesn't like it, he can spit it out) and he won't get anything else until he tries it. If he tries it and doesn't like it, we will get him something else to eat, but trying one bite of it is necessary.
Eventually he gave up (still having not tried the bite) and said he was all done, so I let him out of his chair. We were playing with a toy bird a little while later and he was making the bird clap. I asked how the bird was feeling (it occurred to me to ask since Moo was making the bird clap) and Moo said, "Sad." I said, "Why is the bird sad?" and Moo said, "Hungry." (Yes, this is the part where I simultaneously felt like Mommy Dearest and also steeled my resolve on the issue.) I said, "Would the bird like a banana?" Gavin said, "Yes." I said, "Okay. The birdie can try the food, and then have some banana." So Gavin helped the bird "try" the food (putting it's beak against the food). I pretended to be the bird and said, "Yum!" Then Gavin said, "Now banana," and I said, "Yes, the bird tried the food and now Gavin can try the food, and then Gavin and the bird can share a banana!" Moo pretended to try the food (bringing the fork to his lips and then putting it down again). I said, "No, that isn't trying it. Do you want the bird to feed you?" He nodded, so I picked up the fork with the bird's wings and Moo sampled the food for a moment before pushing it out with his tongue. I said enthusiastically, "Great! Gavin and the bird both tried the food, so now you can share the banana!" So I got a banana and a bagel for Moo (and the bird), and while I was getting it I asked Moo, "How does the bird feel now?" and he said, "Pleased!" I said, "How does Moo feel?" and he said, "Happy!"
That was interesting because that's the first time Moo has vocally projected his feelings onto something else. It was also a good experience because it taught me a new parenting technique - I can try using an inanimate object as an intermediary. So in case he and I are locked in a battle of wills (which is, thankfully, not a common occurrence), I now know I can try using something else (the example being that he didn't want me to feed him because we were locked in a Gavin-vs-Mama standoff over whether he'd try the food or not, but he was fine with the bird feeding him).