(no subject)
so finally a boy breaks my heart. and i dont know what to do with my time. Wont go into details. he's a cunt. and a prick. and an asshole. and he has destroyed me.
He is my heroin. I see him and i hate him and i wish he wasnt around, and then as soon as he is gone, I crave his mere presence. But he fucked me over. He's leaving in 5 weeks (his degree is finished), and then he goes to england in april. And he just cant deal with being in love with me for several reasons.
1) He only knows how to feel hurt and anger
2) little things that i do remind him of his history (he had a bad childhood, whatever)
those are reasons from him
oh, and he is a drug addict. what to do....
so its over, and he emotionally abused me, and all i want is to talk to eliza, and she hasnt called in forever, and no one else knows me and understands me.
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN SOMEONE BREAKS YOUR HEART???? and all i want is to be with him, but i know he is bad for me.
quote of the day, by me:
"People who wish the world would open up and swallow them should just get a shovel and start digging cause in this world, you want something done, do it yourself"
However, that said, I want the world to stop so i can get off. Grumpy said that earlier. He is going through shit, feeling suicidal, but i dont give a flying continental cause he emotionally abused me to the hugest extent, and for all i care, he can go and live in Grumpy central... his world. Ill even give him a joint to get there with.
and as much as i hate him, i know there were fucking good times. and thats what i miss, and am sad about. That is why i want him. And he wants me, but he wont let himself do that. and both of us hate sex because of that fucking bond it creates.
I think a lot about what dave said to me, about how i need to be alone, about how even when he's with someone, he is still alone. And i think he's wrong, I think we are never alone because we are always with people, the people we think about, the people who constantly fill our thoughts with their presence. And it is these people who we can never quite get away from, who do not allow us to be alone. And in this way it is sad that we can never escape, that it isnt possible to be alone... to be quite by oneself. I fear this may be the human predicament. I fear it because the more i think about it, the more i want to be alone. Not physically necessarily, but mentally. I long to think of nothing, to release the people in my head.
And everytime i see a boy, I want to vomit. And i just want someone who has been through this, who knows what its like to love someone, and not be able to have them, but know also that they are bad for them, to tell me that i will be ok one day. Because right now i am scared of myself. I am scared of the me i have become. And i want nothing more than to forget. But i also dont want to forget.
if anyone feels like a cool and expensive call, call me please, i need to hear from people, to know they are there. 011-27-82-480-5724
He is my heroin. I see him and i hate him and i wish he wasnt around, and then as soon as he is gone, I crave his mere presence. But he fucked me over. He's leaving in 5 weeks (his degree is finished), and then he goes to england in april. And he just cant deal with being in love with me for several reasons.
1) He only knows how to feel hurt and anger
2) little things that i do remind him of his history (he had a bad childhood, whatever)
those are reasons from him
oh, and he is a drug addict. what to do....
so its over, and he emotionally abused me, and all i want is to talk to eliza, and she hasnt called in forever, and no one else knows me and understands me.
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN SOMEONE BREAKS YOUR HEART???? and all i want is to be with him, but i know he is bad for me.
quote of the day, by me:
"People who wish the world would open up and swallow them should just get a shovel and start digging cause in this world, you want something done, do it yourself"
However, that said, I want the world to stop so i can get off. Grumpy said that earlier. He is going through shit, feeling suicidal, but i dont give a flying continental cause he emotionally abused me to the hugest extent, and for all i care, he can go and live in Grumpy central... his world. Ill even give him a joint to get there with.
and as much as i hate him, i know there were fucking good times. and thats what i miss, and am sad about. That is why i want him. And he wants me, but he wont let himself do that. and both of us hate sex because of that fucking bond it creates.
I think a lot about what dave said to me, about how i need to be alone, about how even when he's with someone, he is still alone. And i think he's wrong, I think we are never alone because we are always with people, the people we think about, the people who constantly fill our thoughts with their presence. And it is these people who we can never quite get away from, who do not allow us to be alone. And in this way it is sad that we can never escape, that it isnt possible to be alone... to be quite by oneself. I fear this may be the human predicament. I fear it because the more i think about it, the more i want to be alone. Not physically necessarily, but mentally. I long to think of nothing, to release the people in my head.
And everytime i see a boy, I want to vomit. And i just want someone who has been through this, who knows what its like to love someone, and not be able to have them, but know also that they are bad for them, to tell me that i will be ok one day. Because right now i am scared of myself. I am scared of the me i have become. And i want nothing more than to forget. But i also dont want to forget.
if anyone feels like a cool and expensive call, call me please, i need to hear from people, to know they are there. 011-27-82-480-5724