Ongoing Adventures
I grow wary of this tall bitter glass of crazy that is Edmonton. My homesickness continues after 2 weeks of some of the worst bronchitis ever! Aggravated by the dry air here and the horrendous septic dust, escalated by a week and a half of hauling my ass to work anyway. I finally got to see a doctor just before my lungs launched the full attack that would kill me. Ok I'm being slightly over dramatic but I was in bad shape. I quit smoking and this was the thanks I got, screw you lungs! Seriously between when I left the house and when I got home from seeing a doctor 6 and a half fucking hours for the Doctor to say “Wow you should have been in a week ago, here are some extra large antibiotics”. Health care in this most unholy of unholys truly sucks colon… and on that note:
Ah Edmonton, the city that smells like pee. With the drunks, druggies and homeless problem out here a certain common trend is spawned; the world is your toilet. Now I’m not saying I haven’t ever myself released my beers rental period in an alleyway or behind a bush but I have the good nature not to do it in the open, and only when desperate. Every man has at sometime; seriously, if you haven’t there’s something wrong with you. I’m certainly not saying that Toronto doesn’t have people peeing in alleys either, hell its a damn near pee fest on some streets. Out here it’s an entirely new world of body funtions; I’ve seen people peeing on the sidewalk like it’s the most normal thing in the whole world… in broad day light... in high traffic areas. I’ve seen human feces strewn about alleyways (ok, strewn is a bit of an exaggeration… but still!). What I want to know is how far your life has sunk that you’re defecating out in public with people around. The reason I’m bringing this up is because of a rare occurrence here in Edmonton, city hall responded to something. City hall out here is useless in my opinion, granted I might be passing premature judgement; but so far this is something I’m rather vocal about. This outdoor potty time has not only been acknowledged by the cities evil overlords, but has been more than enough to spur the local government to do something about it. The budget monsters have chosen to install open air public urinals on Whyte Ave… you heard me… their installing outdoor open air urinals. They can’t provide proper drainage to the streets but they can provide outdoor piss drains for the inebriated scum. Hmmm, you know, if people treating your city as a toilet might underline many other issues. While I will not argue that giving drunks a location to urinate isn’t necessarily a bad idea since many establishments are freaking closed past 5 and others force you to purcase to use their facilities. Part of myself supports this cause as I don’t like having to walk in other peoples urine. However deep down I consider the concept of this totally freaking horrifying, open air out in public washroom facilities. I feel awkward enough using public bathrooms after the Royal York Hotel incident of yesteryear, people are filthy hideous creatures I shouldnt have to see them make piddle.
I went camping this weekend and by the power of Grayskull… huge freaking BISON! I had no idea how freaking tasty bison looked! Seriously, I wanted to jump out of the car grab a spear and take down the beast. But the succulent majesty of these creatures isn’t what this is about, this is my ongoing bitching about Edmonton and it will continue to be so. Camping… or so they call it. As you likely well know, I can be pretty fucking outdoorsy. I love camping in the right circumstances, fishing, hiking and the general peace it brings. I love the primal simplicity and look forward to the zombie apocalypse, the most challenging part of which will be trying to not giggle and skip with boyish glee. I’ve camped in every province, canoed all around Ontario and loved every minute of it, minus the mosquitoes of course. Out in Alberta these magical camp grounds out here are basically glorified parking lots for RVs. There are trees and dirt and plants, but they are just sort of present rather than actual wilderness. It’s obvious it was once a lovely forest but they have cleared it out to make an grand RV parking site. It’s just you and a line of parking spaces surrounded by people with oversized vehicles. I saw a total of 3 other tents on the entire camp ground, everything else were pathetically massive motor-homes. It’s sad really, people feel the need to use barbecues when camping rather then making a fire… they clearly miss the point. Camping itself is kind of an oddity of modern man; we work our asses off for toys, electricity and a roof over our heads. We spend most of our existence doing jobs we hate just so we don’t have to live out in the wild. Then we up and go off in the woods and pay some of that hard earned money to be without all that stuff. It may sound silly but there is no denying that’s pretty much the basic point of camping. Now, why the fuck would you pay to go bring a smaller version of your house to park it beside other people also in small mobile houses while the family sits in the camper watching DVDs. This I will NEVER understand, it is completely irrational. The camping site even had running water, showers, toilets… am I missing something here? I’m not saying that sitting on a crapper, bbqing some burgers and watching DVDs with air-conditioning isn’t great, but don’t fucking delude yourself and call it camping, its not, and you are a vagina full of tabbycats. (Vagina reference stolen from Scott Moyle and his vagina obsession)
And on the seventh day, and every other day before 8 am, and after 4:30pm god rested. Business hours out here defy all logic and reason, I would chock them up to religion but that cannot be the case. The entire city core, and I mean entire city core, completely shuts down after 5. Sundays places don’t even open, they in fact go out of their way not to be open. Even the convenience stores (which are called smoke shops here so as to not give you false hope) shut down. Most restaurants stop serving freaking dinner at 5, personally I consider 5 to be WHEN you start serving dinner. This city is crazier than a pregnant woman and twice as full of rage. Perhaps its due to staffing issues, perhaps its due to a million other things, who bloody cares, I demand service! What I want to know is why in a place that stays sunny until 10 at fucking night the world ceases to do business during their prime times. It might have something to do with the absolute lack of stuff to do in this city, people aren’t going to bother going out because they are well aware at how boring this place is. It’s frustrating for me since things aren’t open when I’m on my way to work and they sure as fuck aren’t open when I’m on my way home. Clearly they are huge advocators of bank-hours out here, making 90% of business’s total douche bags. All I want is some change for the shitty public transit, dont force me to beg! There’s nothing else to say about this. Edmonton just sucks.
On a side note, Payphones cost 45 cents out here. A quarter I can understand, a looney I can understand, don't make it random fucking coins you dirty shit clowns.
Ah Edmonton, the city that smells like pee. With the drunks, druggies and homeless problem out here a certain common trend is spawned; the world is your toilet. Now I’m not saying I haven’t ever myself released my beers rental period in an alleyway or behind a bush but I have the good nature not to do it in the open, and only when desperate. Every man has at sometime; seriously, if you haven’t there’s something wrong with you. I’m certainly not saying that Toronto doesn’t have people peeing in alleys either, hell its a damn near pee fest on some streets. Out here it’s an entirely new world of body funtions; I’ve seen people peeing on the sidewalk like it’s the most normal thing in the whole world… in broad day light... in high traffic areas. I’ve seen human feces strewn about alleyways (ok, strewn is a bit of an exaggeration… but still!). What I want to know is how far your life has sunk that you’re defecating out in public with people around. The reason I’m bringing this up is because of a rare occurrence here in Edmonton, city hall responded to something. City hall out here is useless in my opinion, granted I might be passing premature judgement; but so far this is something I’m rather vocal about. This outdoor potty time has not only been acknowledged by the cities evil overlords, but has been more than enough to spur the local government to do something about it. The budget monsters have chosen to install open air public urinals on Whyte Ave… you heard me… their installing outdoor open air urinals. They can’t provide proper drainage to the streets but they can provide outdoor piss drains for the inebriated scum. Hmmm, you know, if people treating your city as a toilet might underline many other issues. While I will not argue that giving drunks a location to urinate isn’t necessarily a bad idea since many establishments are freaking closed past 5 and others force you to purcase to use their facilities. Part of myself supports this cause as I don’t like having to walk in other peoples urine. However deep down I consider the concept of this totally freaking horrifying, open air out in public washroom facilities. I feel awkward enough using public bathrooms after the Royal York Hotel incident of yesteryear, people are filthy hideous creatures I shouldnt have to see them make piddle.
I went camping this weekend and by the power of Grayskull… huge freaking BISON! I had no idea how freaking tasty bison looked! Seriously, I wanted to jump out of the car grab a spear and take down the beast. But the succulent majesty of these creatures isn’t what this is about, this is my ongoing bitching about Edmonton and it will continue to be so. Camping… or so they call it. As you likely well know, I can be pretty fucking outdoorsy. I love camping in the right circumstances, fishing, hiking and the general peace it brings. I love the primal simplicity and look forward to the zombie apocalypse, the most challenging part of which will be trying to not giggle and skip with boyish glee. I’ve camped in every province, canoed all around Ontario and loved every minute of it, minus the mosquitoes of course. Out in Alberta these magical camp grounds out here are basically glorified parking lots for RVs. There are trees and dirt and plants, but they are just sort of present rather than actual wilderness. It’s obvious it was once a lovely forest but they have cleared it out to make an grand RV parking site. It’s just you and a line of parking spaces surrounded by people with oversized vehicles. I saw a total of 3 other tents on the entire camp ground, everything else were pathetically massive motor-homes. It’s sad really, people feel the need to use barbecues when camping rather then making a fire… they clearly miss the point. Camping itself is kind of an oddity of modern man; we work our asses off for toys, electricity and a roof over our heads. We spend most of our existence doing jobs we hate just so we don’t have to live out in the wild. Then we up and go off in the woods and pay some of that hard earned money to be without all that stuff. It may sound silly but there is no denying that’s pretty much the basic point of camping. Now, why the fuck would you pay to go bring a smaller version of your house to park it beside other people also in small mobile houses while the family sits in the camper watching DVDs. This I will NEVER understand, it is completely irrational. The camping site even had running water, showers, toilets… am I missing something here? I’m not saying that sitting on a crapper, bbqing some burgers and watching DVDs with air-conditioning isn’t great, but don’t fucking delude yourself and call it camping, its not, and you are a vagina full of tabbycats. (Vagina reference stolen from Scott Moyle and his vagina obsession)
And on the seventh day, and every other day before 8 am, and after 4:30pm god rested. Business hours out here defy all logic and reason, I would chock them up to religion but that cannot be the case. The entire city core, and I mean entire city core, completely shuts down after 5. Sundays places don’t even open, they in fact go out of their way not to be open. Even the convenience stores (which are called smoke shops here so as to not give you false hope) shut down. Most restaurants stop serving freaking dinner at 5, personally I consider 5 to be WHEN you start serving dinner. This city is crazier than a pregnant woman and twice as full of rage. Perhaps its due to staffing issues, perhaps its due to a million other things, who bloody cares, I demand service! What I want to know is why in a place that stays sunny until 10 at fucking night the world ceases to do business during their prime times. It might have something to do with the absolute lack of stuff to do in this city, people aren’t going to bother going out because they are well aware at how boring this place is. It’s frustrating for me since things aren’t open when I’m on my way to work and they sure as fuck aren’t open when I’m on my way home. Clearly they are huge advocators of bank-hours out here, making 90% of business’s total douche bags. All I want is some change for the shitty public transit, dont force me to beg! There’s nothing else to say about this. Edmonton just sucks.
On a side note, Payphones cost 45 cents out here. A quarter I can understand, a looney I can understand, don't make it random fucking coins you dirty shit clowns.