Primeval Fanfic: How to date an academic
Title: How to date an academic
Author: TalliW
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Primeval are the property of Impossible Pictures. I write just for fun. So don't bother me.
Acknowledgments: Thanks to fredbassett for beta-reading. I couldn't have done it without you.
Jenny and Abby giggled. This was so funny.
They'd spent the last half an hour thinking about some hilarious quotes how to get a date with a scientist.
Jenny even had started to record their crazy ideas into a Word document to save them for another boring time in the ARC.
"Drop a dinosaur bone from your handbag." Jenny said.
"Buy the whole collection of Star Trek movies and show your purchase everyone in the university," said Abby.
"Search in anguish for your lost Sabre Tooth cat."
"Fall into the water from a boat and cry for help."
......
"We should send this to "Dave's Lifestyle Tips" on Channel 79!" Abby joked.
"Yes, we should do exactly that." Jenny guffawed.
But of course they didn't do it.
Leek looked around the ARC. Most people were at home by now. He walked around the building, for a last time today, briefly checking the offices before leaving.
In Jenny Lewis' office the monitor was still flashing.
Annoyed, Oliver Leek went inside and glanced over the screen.
Typically for people outside the civil service she had not bothered to finish her work. There was a Word file still open with a remark at the end: 'send to "Dave's Life Style Tips" on Channel 76'.
Leek used the Yahoo search engine to find the e-mail address of Dave's radio show and sent the file on its way.
"There you go.' Satisfied, Oliver Leek closed down the computer and left the room.
It was hard work to maintain order with crazy scientists and informal public relations people but he managed it.
In the car, Nick Cutter fumbled with the radio. It seemed there was only nonsense on the radio stations. Some hip hop, crunch and other music genres he didn't like, some band singing about love and happy marriages and a broadcast about the mating behaviour of dwarf rabbits.
'Just what I need,' Nick thought, sarcastically.
"There's a nice talkshow on 87.6fm," Connor meant from the backseat.
"They give you tips for life and then talk about them with people. It's really interesting."
Stephen and Nick exchanged an brief amused look, then Cutter switched to the station Connor had mentioned.
"After that little commercial we're back. Thanks for choosing Channel 76 on 87.6fm. You are listening to "Dave's Lifestyle Tips".
We're dedicating this programme to two fine ladies who work together with a bunch of sexy scientists.
Last month they sent us an e-mail with some tips on how to catch an academic.
It seems they're pretty good at this!
So here is Carrie from Sheffield, telling us about her success with tip number five, the dinosaurs bone.
Hi, Carrie, how do you do?"
"Hi, Dave, I'm fine. I'm getting married next month."
"Oh, that's great, Carrie. Congratulations. So tell us all about tip number five."
"All right Dave. You see I always wanted to get an academic man but all the ones I met were too old or married already. After hearing your tips on the radio, I got some bones from my butcher. Just two cow bones but I thought that didn't matter much. In the bar where some of the scientists in our university like to hang around, I let the bones drop out of my bag. I could hardly believe it when this nice man who helped me collect them up asked me out for a date afterwards.
He's a taxidermist working for the university and he knows stuff about all sorts of animals and things. He's got a large bone collection. We date regularly now and he's so cute. Yesterday, he asked me for my hand in marriage and I told him ‚Yes'. I'm so happy."
"Thank you Carrie, that was a lovely story.
The next one on the line is Bonnie from Exeter.
Hallo, Bonnie."
"Hi, Dave, Bonnie here. I tried the tip with the cat. They had no Sabre Tooth cats in the pet shop, so I borrowed my neighbour's cat that I take care when she's traveling. It's a big fat Persian. First, she didn't want to go out of the house and tried to claw me. I had to use a broom to nudge her out of the frontdoor.
Outside, Perly, that's the cat's name by the way, started to run down the street so fast I couldn't her follow any more in my high heels.
So I cried for help. There's this sexy young man in the neighbourhood. I've seen him a couple of times in the supermarket. He hardly ever goes out and he spends most of his time's working on his science project that he told me about, something to find lost data and get it back. He's really good at finding stuff.
He tracked the cat down under the bushes in the nearby park in less than two hours. He's clever and thoughtful and so totally different from the men I've dated before.
I fell in love with him straight away."
"That's great. Good luck with your new boyfriend. Goodbye, Bonnie."
"Thank you, Dave. Goodbye!"
"There will be short commercial now and then we'll be back in a minute. Stay on line. He's Dave from channel 76 on 87.6fm."
"That was odd," Cutter said as the advertising started and he turned the sound down.
Stephen just shook his head.
"The things girls are willing to do to get a man are really crazy. All they have to do is ask them out." Connor mouthed his opinion.
"I think the programme has started again."
Nick turned the sound up and they heared:
"Hi Dave, this is Lucy here. I borrowed the Star Wars Monopoly special edition from my cousin. He's a big Star Wars fan, you know.
I took the game with me to the cafeteria in our university. There's this group of boys, very cute and clever. They play computer games all the time and talk about science fiction.
They've never noticed me before but this time they came over and asked if I wanted to play Monopoly with them on Friday night.
I did and now I'm dating them. James on Monday, Cliff on Tuesday, Reginald on Thursday and Thomas on Friday. The weekends we spend all together. I do take a night off on Wednesday though, I have to study for my exams, after all."
"Seems you really have your hands full now, Lucy. I wish you loads of success. Thanks for calling us.
Unfortunatly, our time is up now.
Thank you, Abby Maitland and Jenny Lewis, for sharing your experiences with scientists. Your advice has made several girls very happy.
You were listening to "Dave's Lifestyle Tips" on Channel 79 on 87.6fm."
Nick jammed on the brakes and shouted: "Jenny!"
Connor, shocked, cried "Abby?" at the same time.
Stephen just sat there and shook with laughter.