Barbaro poem
Feedback please. This is the second draft I've come up with for it and would like opinions.
Like knights with chargers
The horses proudly parade
Off to win a mantle of flowers
Bright as topaz with obsidean eyes
A prince strides in their midst
Neck arched, coat gleaming,
With a sweeping black tail banner
The prince has won one crown
Studded with ruby red roses
There are two more for him to win
One sun bright daises
Another sparkling opal orchids
A trio of three that can turn
A prince into an Emperor
The prince steps lightly
Anxious for the crown's quest
A challenge of the swift and strong
The challengers assemble
Paw lightly at the ground
The prince springs forward, too early
Tilting at empty air
He recovers, tosses his head, rejoins the others
"And they're off in the Preakness"
The prince leaps away smoothly
Poised, powerful, majestic
The prince is confident
In all his battles
He is undefeated
The brightest of the land
Without warning the prince is attacked
Malignant Misfortune traps his limb
Twisting, shattering bones
"Barbaro has been pulled up!"
Illusion shattered, the prince is a colt
Standing on three limbs
But even injured he has a regal air
Help surrounds him
Calming him, protecting him
The prince must travel to a medical Camelot
There wizards of a blade
Will seek to undo Misfortunes damage
The prince completes the first step
With new comrades by his side
Fleetness matters not on this quest
Courage and wisdom, kindness of spirit
Will enable bones to knit
The prince possesses these
And a sun bright spirt
That lights the darkess of tragedy
With Hope
Like knights with chargers
The horses proudly parade
Off to win a mantle of flowers
Bright as topaz with obsidean eyes
A prince strides in their midst
Neck arched, coat gleaming,
With a sweeping black tail banner
The prince has won one crown
Studded with ruby red roses
There are two more for him to win
One sun bright daises
Another sparkling opal orchids
A trio of three that can turn
A prince into an Emperor
The prince steps lightly
Anxious for the crown's quest
A challenge of the swift and strong
The challengers assemble
Paw lightly at the ground
The prince springs forward, too early
Tilting at empty air
He recovers, tosses his head, rejoins the others
"And they're off in the Preakness"
The prince leaps away smoothly
Poised, powerful, majestic
The prince is confident
In all his battles
He is undefeated
The brightest of the land
Without warning the prince is attacked
Malignant Misfortune traps his limb
Twisting, shattering bones
"Barbaro has been pulled up!"
Illusion shattered, the prince is a colt
Standing on three limbs
But even injured he has a regal air
Help surrounds him
Calming him, protecting him
The prince must travel to a medical Camelot
There wizards of a blade
Will seek to undo Misfortunes damage
The prince completes the first step
With new comrades by his side
Fleetness matters not on this quest
Courage and wisdom, kindness of spirit
Will enable bones to knit
The prince possesses these
And a sun bright spirt
That lights the darkess of tragedy
With Hope