Identity.
Hypocrisy in its perfect embodiment; blue skies, white cirrus clouds, brilliantly shining sun, mild breeze, comfortable temperature humming through air. Hypocrisy that leaves me speechless, rendered useless and unable to function. Heavy stench of tears, misery dank soil permeating a private world I occupy. Cold stone beneath my white knuckles, palms marred by bloody crescents inflicted from pressure. Falsely-soothing caresses of the wind echo across the perfectly landscaped grounds, bringing a haunting melody of morbidity and madness. Despite the warmth of the day-the heat of the sun on my back-I clad myself in black. I remember clearly final words before darkening skies closed forever. Could I have changed things? Could I have made a fucking difference? Doubtful, but a dream I cling to fiercely. Denial and depression, agony and anger, hand in hand mocking my psyche. One moment of joy, the next emptiness … is this the result of slipping sanity? To descend into debauched delusions of insanity? Perhaps. Mourning what could have been. What should have been? Yes. So much potential so much promise snuffed out before it could spark into flame. I cannot stay here. Memories long pushed away, thoughts trailing towards treacherous territory, taking time to thunder through the track. Tracing years and tears until breaching surface. Tired of thinking. Worn from worry. Aching over joy long since slipped away. Funny how one being can tear a world asunder.
It will pass. It will pass. All in your head; mind over matter. Easier said than done.
Demons claw my lungs, gouging my heart, consuming my meaning for life. Lack of breath, lack of beat I want to fade. End darkness, enter light. Flutter lashes against cheekbones, final sigh and eternal silence. Cessation of influx, growing less contained passing minutes drop. My conscience gripping anything, everything, the infinitely invisible accessory appendages groping, grabbing, violating the volumes of visceral vibes. Calm the noise; the cerebral scream. Cacophony, chaos naught more than noise pollution leaving scar tissue each pulse. Marring consciousness, dissuading sleep through nightmares that leave me screaming. The sounds taciturn, saline stains skin, soaks sheets, smothers sanity. Like letters upon my breast, labeled for hungry eyes, I am imagination invention. Boxed up, packaged toy bringing entertainment. Watch me squirm, sob, scream. A supreme sport, and I MVP. Forsaken by sanity, logic surrendered me. Laughingstock I am a Fool, naught more than show. A bard, singing stories swiftly ceased. Humiliated. Wronged. Hanged through words.
I smile though.
Close my eyes, all over soon.
I am a victim to self deprecation. A casualty of anxiety. A fatality of Empathy.
But I can accept.
I am the scapegoat;
A martyr if only for your smile.
It will pass. It will pass. All in your head; mind over matter. Easier said than done.
Demons claw my lungs, gouging my heart, consuming my meaning for life. Lack of breath, lack of beat I want to fade. End darkness, enter light. Flutter lashes against cheekbones, final sigh and eternal silence. Cessation of influx, growing less contained passing minutes drop. My conscience gripping anything, everything, the infinitely invisible accessory appendages groping, grabbing, violating the volumes of visceral vibes. Calm the noise; the cerebral scream. Cacophony, chaos naught more than noise pollution leaving scar tissue each pulse. Marring consciousness, dissuading sleep through nightmares that leave me screaming. The sounds taciturn, saline stains skin, soaks sheets, smothers sanity. Like letters upon my breast, labeled for hungry eyes, I am imagination invention. Boxed up, packaged toy bringing entertainment. Watch me squirm, sob, scream. A supreme sport, and I MVP. Forsaken by sanity, logic surrendered me. Laughingstock I am a Fool, naught more than show. A bard, singing stories swiftly ceased. Humiliated. Wronged. Hanged through words.
I smile though.
Close my eyes, all over soon.
I am a victim to self deprecation. A casualty of anxiety. A fatality of Empathy.
But I can accept.
I am the scapegoat;
A martyr if only for your smile.