Poem Forty-Eight
I cannot help but to wonder
Wonder if there ever shall be an end
And end to all that there is
All of this pain
And what of this ache
That which will not go away
Through the entirety of my being, this heartache
That none can help to dissipate
There they wish to offer comfort
And here I receive help
Yet none of them can quite see
Nor understand the level which I feel, this insistent hurt
So I begin to flake
To peel apart, ripping at the seams
Frowning at the lips, tearing at the eyes
This depression for which I’m unwilling to partake
I have the One who prevents my drifting away
Instead I’m wasting slowly, piece by agonizing piece
Yet holding fast to my promise
Only hoping, wishing, praying…praying for that day!
When the tears continue their dissent
The pain never fades
And the moments of joy seem so few
You’d understand how this life I have come to resent
But you cannot know, cannot see, and thus cannot possibly understand
How I want so badly to give up, wish so much to give in
Instead I sway in my silent struggle
Trying in vain to believe you, and holding tight and steadfast to your hand…