Lies Our Parents Told Us
Word count : 1736
Rating : PG
Characters : I Am Become Death universe Gabriel and Noah Gray
Notes: For raitheemohugger who is today's CEO at the heroes_exchange Company Picnic
Summary : Little Noah has grown up, and his burdgeoning ability is causing problems for his Dad
He knew this day would come. With Noah there was no slamming of doors, no teenaged hissyfit. He was just disappointed. And that made the whole thing even more unbearable. It was all his fault, of course. His own guilt had drawn out insecurity in his son and what was once a carefree, confident little boy had turned into a cautious and distrustful teenager. He took no-one at face value, trusted only after trust had been earned, and took little pleasure in friendships. The day he learned of his ability was the catalyst, and since then things had grown steadily worse.
**
Noah is twelve and he has never seen any of his father's abilities. They have been packed away in much the same way as a father packs up his electric guitar or his games console when space is needed for a bassinet. They belong to the past, a time when a man was just Gabriel Gray, or Sylar. Now he is just Daddy.
There is a dog loose in the woods. This is where they walk on Sundays, tracing the path through tall trees which occasionally let in a stray beam of bright sunlight. They have walked here since Noah had to be pushed in a stroller, it's where he feels safe. The dog runs out of the trees and straight towards him, barking and snarling, no leash and no collar. Noah grabs his father's arm and a bolt of blue electricity shoots from it, hitting the dog and obliterating it. When Noah wakes up, his father tells him he fainted and should rest.
**
For the first time in a long time, Gabriel is lost. His baby's smile could make him block out most of his past. He reasoned that it was for the best - why dwell on something destructive when he had promised that Noah's birth would be a new start? They were a normal family. They were better than normal. Gabriel was a wonderful father, Noah was a sweet, smart, well-adjusted little boy. That was what everyone said. There were warm, admiring glances from the mothers at the kindergarten. He was so brave, raising that little one on his own and doing such a good job of it. A poor widower who never seemed to take any time for himself, who would never let the conversation stray from his son, no matter who tried. Only one of the mothers had ever dared ask him out, he had blushingly thanked her but refused. His son was the only person in his life, and they were doing just fine like that.
**
Noah is thirteen and he overhears a conversation between his father and another man. He wouldn't listen in, only Dad calls this man Noah and for a second, he thinks he's talking to him. He says that it's happened. Noah doesn't know what 'it' is, but he thinks it may have something to do with the fainting.
Later on, when Dad comes in to say goodnight, Noah asks "Is there something wrong with me?". Dad looks sad and hugs him saying "No, sweetie. There's nothing wrong with you." Noah must look disbelieving because Dad looks him right in the eye. "There's nothing wrong Noah, you believe me don't you?" Noah hugs him back. "I believe you Dad."
His Dad shivers and stares at him, shocked. He forces a smile, and kisses his head. The next day, Noah hears him on the phone again.
**
Gabriel knocks on Noah's door and gets no answer. He turns the knob and enters, but Noah won't look at him. Instead he lies on his side on the bed, staring at the wall.
"Noah?" Gabriel feels uncomfortable around his son for the first time in his life, and he wants to cry out at the injustice of it.
"I'm fine Dad. Please just leave me alone, I'm not good for you."
The heart is just a muscle, and Gabriel knows it can't be affected by emotion. It can't break or shatter. Just at that moment though, his heart stops and starts again, and he understands where the idiom comes from.
"Please don't say that sweetheart." He sits on Noah's bed and strokes his fine hair. He remembers when it was almost blonde like his mother's, but it has darkened every year since he was born and will probably end up almost as dark as his. "I know this is a shock, but we can deal with it. It's about control."
Noah is silent, and Gabriel knows he wants to ask how many. Strange how numbers are so important to people.
"You can ask me anything, and I'll tell you the truth. But I need you to be strong for me. I need you to think about how I am now, with you. Your memories are real Noah, they're all that matter now."
Noah finally stirs and sits up on the bed, still not looking at his father. "How many people did you kill?"
Gabriel pauses for a moment before he admits "I lost count."
"Did you kill anyone's dad?" Noah lets his head rest on Gabriel's shoulder, and Gabriel wonders whether it's just so he can use his ability.
**
Noah feels like he's done something wrong, but he doesn't know what. He's sick, and he has to have injections for the rest of his life. The man Dad was talking to isn't a doctor, he says. But a doctor will give him the injections. A special doctor. Noah nods because he doesn't care. He hates the fainting, and the crazy dreams he has before it happens. He dreams that his father is moving things without touching them, or turning a coffee mug into solid gold.
**
Gabriel is trying not to cry. He has never cried in front of his son, and he never wants to. "Yes, I killed people's dads. I killed people's mothers, sisters, brothers... I never killed anyone because they were those things. I never thought about who they were." He knows that that last part isn't exactly true but he can't think of specific times when he made the decision to kill.
"Did you kill any kids?"
"No." Gabriel says, hoping that that's true. Honestly, he can't remember.
Noah nods, as if this is at least something positive, and Gabriel hates himself for making his son see in shades of grey. "What can you do? Your abilities?"
Gabriel has to think about the people he killed before he can remember them all. "I can paint the future. I can turn things to gold. I can generate radioactivity. I can move things with my mind. I can..." he's about to say 'shoot bolts of electricity', and it's at that point he remembers Elle. "I can heal myself."
"And what can I do?" Noah asks for the first time ever.
"You seem to be able to force me to do those things. You touch me, and whatever you need me to do, I do it."
"Like the ski trip?"
**
Noah doesn't want to ask again, but he feels like he has never asked for anything, and so he waits until he's just about to go to bed, and nudges close to his Dad. "So, have you had a chance to think about the ski trip Dad?" he asks with fakenonchalance.
His Dad is drinking coffee, and he tightens his grip on the mug as if bracing himself for something. "I don't know yet sweetie. It's a lot of money and I just...I don't know yet."
"Okay, it's just that...we kind of have to know by the end of the week. And..."
"Sure, I appreciate that Noah. I will...I'll let you know tomorrow."
Noah smiles sadly, knowing that that means he'll be told no tomorrow. He hugs his Dad, and that's when it all goes black.
The next day, he is kept of school, and told that yes, he can go on the ski trip.
**
"Yeah," he says. "Yeah just like that."
Noah turns on his side and hugs him. "What are we going to do? Do I have to go away from you?"
"No!" Gabriel growls, and Noah flinches. "No. You're not going anywhere. You can control it. It's better that you learn to control it because if you can do this with me, you can probably do it with others too. It's better that you're here. I'm the ultimate test of your ability." He almost convinces himself.
"What if I...What if one day I want to kill someone?" Noah's big brown eyes turn towards him.
Gabriel is about to say that Noah hasn't been brought up that way. He stops himself and thinks of his mother. Yes, she was overbearing, but she didn't force him to kill anyone. "You won't Noah. You've never believed you needed to be more than you are. You're not weak like I was."
"I don't want to make you weak again Dad. I don't want to force you to do things."
"We'll be fine Noah, I'll teach you control. I learned it once, I can teach you now. I can improve my own control so that you can't control me."
It's karma, Gabriel thinks. Mohinder would be laughing at him. A son who can wield you like a weapon. What goes around comes around.
**
Noah is seventeen. His Dad is washing dishes, and his broken watch is sitting near the draining board. Noah is doing homework and he can see water splashing towards it. He gets up and reaches for it, to move it out of the way. Quick as a flash, his Dad grabs for the watch, and Noah's hand covers his. Images flash like a movie before him. A man frozen stiff with his headsawn off. Another pinned to the floor with paint brushes. A blonde woman dies in childbirth. He jerks his hand away,and immediately vomits.
**
Noah is tired. He yawns and squeezes his Dad. They're closer than any other father and son he knows, and he likes it that way. They're a team. They bring out the best in each other, and no-one willseparate them. No-one will dare, not now. He can learn to control it, but it will always be there, like a safety net. His Dad squeezes back, and Noah knows that nothing, and nobody is strong enough to come between them. Let them come. He has his loaded gun.
Rating : PG
Characters : I Am Become Death universe Gabriel and Noah Gray
Notes: For raitheemohugger who is today's CEO at the heroes_exchange Company Picnic
Summary : Little Noah has grown up, and his burdgeoning ability is causing problems for his Dad
He knew this day would come. With Noah there was no slamming of doors, no teenaged hissyfit. He was just disappointed. And that made the whole thing even more unbearable. It was all his fault, of course. His own guilt had drawn out insecurity in his son and what was once a carefree, confident little boy had turned into a cautious and distrustful teenager. He took no-one at face value, trusted only after trust had been earned, and took little pleasure in friendships. The day he learned of his ability was the catalyst, and since then things had grown steadily worse.
**
Noah is twelve and he has never seen any of his father's abilities. They have been packed away in much the same way as a father packs up his electric guitar or his games console when space is needed for a bassinet. They belong to the past, a time when a man was just Gabriel Gray, or Sylar. Now he is just Daddy.
There is a dog loose in the woods. This is where they walk on Sundays, tracing the path through tall trees which occasionally let in a stray beam of bright sunlight. They have walked here since Noah had to be pushed in a stroller, it's where he feels safe. The dog runs out of the trees and straight towards him, barking and snarling, no leash and no collar. Noah grabs his father's arm and a bolt of blue electricity shoots from it, hitting the dog and obliterating it. When Noah wakes up, his father tells him he fainted and should rest.
**
For the first time in a long time, Gabriel is lost. His baby's smile could make him block out most of his past. He reasoned that it was for the best - why dwell on something destructive when he had promised that Noah's birth would be a new start? They were a normal family. They were better than normal. Gabriel was a wonderful father, Noah was a sweet, smart, well-adjusted little boy. That was what everyone said. There were warm, admiring glances from the mothers at the kindergarten. He was so brave, raising that little one on his own and doing such a good job of it. A poor widower who never seemed to take any time for himself, who would never let the conversation stray from his son, no matter who tried. Only one of the mothers had ever dared ask him out, he had blushingly thanked her but refused. His son was the only person in his life, and they were doing just fine like that.
**
Noah is thirteen and he overhears a conversation between his father and another man. He wouldn't listen in, only Dad calls this man Noah and for a second, he thinks he's talking to him. He says that it's happened. Noah doesn't know what 'it' is, but he thinks it may have something to do with the fainting.
Later on, when Dad comes in to say goodnight, Noah asks "Is there something wrong with me?". Dad looks sad and hugs him saying "No, sweetie. There's nothing wrong with you." Noah must look disbelieving because Dad looks him right in the eye. "There's nothing wrong Noah, you believe me don't you?" Noah hugs him back. "I believe you Dad."
His Dad shivers and stares at him, shocked. He forces a smile, and kisses his head. The next day, Noah hears him on the phone again.
**
Gabriel knocks on Noah's door and gets no answer. He turns the knob and enters, but Noah won't look at him. Instead he lies on his side on the bed, staring at the wall.
"Noah?" Gabriel feels uncomfortable around his son for the first time in his life, and he wants to cry out at the injustice of it.
"I'm fine Dad. Please just leave me alone, I'm not good for you."
The heart is just a muscle, and Gabriel knows it can't be affected by emotion. It can't break or shatter. Just at that moment though, his heart stops and starts again, and he understands where the idiom comes from.
"Please don't say that sweetheart." He sits on Noah's bed and strokes his fine hair. He remembers when it was almost blonde like his mother's, but it has darkened every year since he was born and will probably end up almost as dark as his. "I know this is a shock, but we can deal with it. It's about control."
Noah is silent, and Gabriel knows he wants to ask how many. Strange how numbers are so important to people.
"You can ask me anything, and I'll tell you the truth. But I need you to be strong for me. I need you to think about how I am now, with you. Your memories are real Noah, they're all that matter now."
Noah finally stirs and sits up on the bed, still not looking at his father. "How many people did you kill?"
Gabriel pauses for a moment before he admits "I lost count."
"Did you kill anyone's dad?" Noah lets his head rest on Gabriel's shoulder, and Gabriel wonders whether it's just so he can use his ability.
**
Noah feels like he's done something wrong, but he doesn't know what. He's sick, and he has to have injections for the rest of his life. The man Dad was talking to isn't a doctor, he says. But a doctor will give him the injections. A special doctor. Noah nods because he doesn't care. He hates the fainting, and the crazy dreams he has before it happens. He dreams that his father is moving things without touching them, or turning a coffee mug into solid gold.
**
Gabriel is trying not to cry. He has never cried in front of his son, and he never wants to. "Yes, I killed people's dads. I killed people's mothers, sisters, brothers... I never killed anyone because they were those things. I never thought about who they were." He knows that that last part isn't exactly true but he can't think of specific times when he made the decision to kill.
"Did you kill any kids?"
"No." Gabriel says, hoping that that's true. Honestly, he can't remember.
Noah nods, as if this is at least something positive, and Gabriel hates himself for making his son see in shades of grey. "What can you do? Your abilities?"
Gabriel has to think about the people he killed before he can remember them all. "I can paint the future. I can turn things to gold. I can generate radioactivity. I can move things with my mind. I can..." he's about to say 'shoot bolts of electricity', and it's at that point he remembers Elle. "I can heal myself."
"And what can I do?" Noah asks for the first time ever.
"You seem to be able to force me to do those things. You touch me, and whatever you need me to do, I do it."
"Like the ski trip?"
**
Noah doesn't want to ask again, but he feels like he has never asked for anything, and so he waits until he's just about to go to bed, and nudges close to his Dad. "So, have you had a chance to think about the ski trip Dad?" he asks with fakenonchalance.
His Dad is drinking coffee, and he tightens his grip on the mug as if bracing himself for something. "I don't know yet sweetie. It's a lot of money and I just...I don't know yet."
"Okay, it's just that...we kind of have to know by the end of the week. And..."
"Sure, I appreciate that Noah. I will...I'll let you know tomorrow."
Noah smiles sadly, knowing that that means he'll be told no tomorrow. He hugs his Dad, and that's when it all goes black.
The next day, he is kept of school, and told that yes, he can go on the ski trip.
**
"Yeah," he says. "Yeah just like that."
Noah turns on his side and hugs him. "What are we going to do? Do I have to go away from you?"
"No!" Gabriel growls, and Noah flinches. "No. You're not going anywhere. You can control it. It's better that you learn to control it because if you can do this with me, you can probably do it with others too. It's better that you're here. I'm the ultimate test of your ability." He almost convinces himself.
"What if I...What if one day I want to kill someone?" Noah's big brown eyes turn towards him.
Gabriel is about to say that Noah hasn't been brought up that way. He stops himself and thinks of his mother. Yes, she was overbearing, but she didn't force him to kill anyone. "You won't Noah. You've never believed you needed to be more than you are. You're not weak like I was."
"I don't want to make you weak again Dad. I don't want to force you to do things."
"We'll be fine Noah, I'll teach you control. I learned it once, I can teach you now. I can improve my own control so that you can't control me."
It's karma, Gabriel thinks. Mohinder would be laughing at him. A son who can wield you like a weapon. What goes around comes around.
**
Noah is seventeen. His Dad is washing dishes, and his broken watch is sitting near the draining board. Noah is doing homework and he can see water splashing towards it. He gets up and reaches for it, to move it out of the way. Quick as a flash, his Dad grabs for the watch, and Noah's hand covers his. Images flash like a movie before him. A man frozen stiff with his headsawn off. Another pinned to the floor with paint brushes. A blonde woman dies in childbirth. He jerks his hand away,and immediately vomits.
**
Noah is tired. He yawns and squeezes his Dad. They're closer than any other father and son he knows, and he likes it that way. They're a team. They bring out the best in each other, and no-one willseparate them. No-one will dare, not now. He can learn to control it, but it will always be there, like a safety net. His Dad squeezes back, and Noah knows that nothing, and nobody is strong enough to come between them. Let them come. He has his loaded gun.