arggggggggggg
I think that I'm going to go crazy.
Stupid loneliness, and headaches, and feeling sick, and crap. I kind of want to do it right now, but I know that I can't because I'll hurt too many people. Like Sam told me, "if you cut yourself, then you're cutting someone else who loves and cares about you." mmm, that's not exact but it was close enough. :-) I still appreciate little things like that. They make me feel a lot better. I'm not going to. I promised. I wanted to do it last night after I had another little incident on the phone with him again. I just cried and cried. It was a disaster. I'm thankful that it was him who was there for me. He cares, and it's just a super awesome feeling to know that someone you love and care about, loves and cares about you, too. Well, then his phone decides to die while I was like, freaking out. ewwwy. You see, this was all taking place a family get together at the Zildjian's house, and yes, the Zildjian's. Hahahaa! Everyone was like, drunk, so I left and went out near the ocean and called him and then just broke down. At the party there was a band, and the band played a song that reminded me of him so much, that I just lost it and cried more. I apologize that this entry is so disorganized, but that's pretty much how my head is right now; it's all disorganized and I hate it. Eventually, I got better and went back to where all the drunks were.
I was sitting with my brother and we both got to play some drums with the band, so that was really cool. I really want to start playing again, so I think I might do that.
I also got some rad pictures of the band, the fireworks, and the sunset. They were all for him considering he couldn't be there with me that night so I decided to tape the whole fireworks show for him and I think it was the sweetest thing I've ever done for someone. I hope it makes him smile cause I love when he smiles. I'm pretty much just fucking obsessed with this kid. <3 x 12345678908974671912923752872538565367539898729812982992929010111010110293847456564573829398237288525689776349759823883209874210479236529346534589237045237598237509.....
have fun with that number, kid. ;-)
alright, thanks for reading all this shit. I'm glad you fucking care.
bye.