I am you and you are me, we will never be alone.
Yeah, I'm still awestruck over the Ex [I think I'm just going to call him this]. As regards to the last entry, I think I have fallen in love with him, yet again. Which is still hard for me to wrap my head around. I was going over old journal entries and found these: http://takemeaway.livejournal.com/116315.html & http://takemeaway.livejournal.com/120205.html , which, as you can imagine, is about said boy. I know I pushed him away, but he is at fault, too. I'm setting myself up for failure, aren't I? Probably so. But boy is the ride there amazing. [This must be part of my new take-life-by-the-balls approach. It seems to be working out okay]
I've been trying to figure out what to get him for his birthday [which is exactly two months before mine]. I guess I have 2-3 weeks to figure something out. I dunno what, he is terribly hard to shop for. He said he didn't want anything [or nothing I'd care to share with you ;)], but I still want to get him something. Why must guys always be so difficult?
Nothing new, I suppose. Or nothing rather important to meander on about. There's a whole lot of things, yet a whole lot of nothing going on at the same time. If that makes any sense. My laptop completely fucked up [which is my only computer]. On my sister's at the moment. When it rains, it pours. I think it's only loose wires between the screen and body of the computer, however; the screen has gone from 1/2 to 3/4 covered with lines making everything unreadable. I guess I'll see if the mac store can fix it. No other alternatives, really. No one wants to fuck with a mac. Did I mention I hate using a pc again? Well yeah, I do. Clunky and akward. I need to backup my files so I can get the new work off of the mac and print out the new pieces for my portfolio [which I wish to revise]. I'm hoping I can do this on 1/4 of a screen. Hrm.
Anyways, I guess it's time to settle down and get a real job. Freelancing has never been bad for me, but slow and tedious nonetheless. I've been considering going back to the school I graduated from, since they offer job placement bullshit. I know exactly what the lady is going to say, though: "You're not professional looking." or some other shit like this. And I'm probably going to tell her to go shove it. I might try anyways. I don't see why it really matters what color my hair is if I'm clean, dressed up, and have a fairly decent body of work in my portfolio. But it always does.
I feel loved and happy in this "relationship," and life overall is going fairly well [as can be expected], but I still don't feel so great. I sort of want to just curl up in the corner and be passed on by. I sort of want to cut. I've already been restricting. But out of all of these things..if I start to cry I may never stop, I'll never be able to bleed enough of this decayed flesh out of my soul, and I'll never be able to starve enough so that I'm not choking on all of this hate. This is my dilemma, and I'm finally realizing it. But yet I keep on trying.
I've been trying to figure out what to get him for his birthday [which is exactly two months before mine]. I guess I have 2-3 weeks to figure something out. I dunno what, he is terribly hard to shop for. He said he didn't want anything [or nothing I'd care to share with you ;)], but I still want to get him something. Why must guys always be so difficult?
Nothing new, I suppose. Or nothing rather important to meander on about. There's a whole lot of things, yet a whole lot of nothing going on at the same time. If that makes any sense. My laptop completely fucked up [which is my only computer]. On my sister's at the moment. When it rains, it pours. I think it's only loose wires between the screen and body of the computer, however; the screen has gone from 1/2 to 3/4 covered with lines making everything unreadable. I guess I'll see if the mac store can fix it. No other alternatives, really. No one wants to fuck with a mac. Did I mention I hate using a pc again? Well yeah, I do. Clunky and akward. I need to backup my files so I can get the new work off of the mac and print out the new pieces for my portfolio [which I wish to revise]. I'm hoping I can do this on 1/4 of a screen. Hrm.
Anyways, I guess it's time to settle down and get a real job. Freelancing has never been bad for me, but slow and tedious nonetheless. I've been considering going back to the school I graduated from, since they offer job placement bullshit. I know exactly what the lady is going to say, though: "You're not professional looking." or some other shit like this. And I'm probably going to tell her to go shove it. I might try anyways. I don't see why it really matters what color my hair is if I'm clean, dressed up, and have a fairly decent body of work in my portfolio. But it always does.
I feel loved and happy in this "relationship," and life overall is going fairly well [as can be expected], but I still don't feel so great. I sort of want to just curl up in the corner and be passed on by. I sort of want to cut. I've already been restricting. But out of all of these things..if I start to cry I may never stop, I'll never be able to bleed enough of this decayed flesh out of my soul, and I'll never be able to starve enough so that I'm not choking on all of this hate. This is my dilemma, and I'm finally realizing it. But yet I keep on trying.