If this was a dream...
Title: If this was a dream…
Author: takelo14
Pairing: Yunjae
Length: One-shot
Genre: Romance, Fluff (in a very strange way), Psychological, Angst,
Rating: PG13
Summary: Yunho did everything he could to keep Jaejoong with him, but now, he’s not sure of anything anymore.
~
If this was a d ream…
~
they are
are leaving
wild as a departing storm
they are
are breaking
loud as a shattered pane in an empty room
~
Yunho’s eyes stayed glued to the window. The booming sound of thunder seemed to echo against the walls of the apartment, yet the gentle rustle of the leaves under the clear full moon across the transparent glass proved otherwise. Several cages were left abandoned in front of the window, the rusting metal retiring from their cruel duty. He winced again as the white birds flapped their wings restlessly, creating yet again, another thunderous effect.
What devastation… He mused, They’re finally leaving us. He reached for an injured dove on the floor, capturing it with utter care, bringing the pure bird close to observe. The creature started to struggle a bit before settling down, allowing Yunho’s curious gaze to wash over its feathery body.
But soon the small dove started to try to escape with the other departing birds.
And so, it left.
A bitter smile colored Yunho’s lips.
He thought it was injured.
~
muted
to yourself
silent
no
no
please don't go
do not break apart
do not break away
~
Yunho opened the door, quietly entering. He didn’t want to disturb the angel that was resting inside. His angel. Yunho inhaled deeply, the sweet smell of vanilla and hazelnut entering his nostrils. Immediately he was met with the most beautiful being on the planet. His ebony hair shined sleekly under the moon light, his large soulful eyes opened, staring out in front of him. His pale skin contrasted the raven strands hanging loosely on his forehead.
His lips. God his lips were the most glorious thing to behold. Every time Yunho kissed the plump flesh, he feels a tingling excitement run through him. And he loved it. The precious pink color that used to adore the luscious lips were long since gone but, his face still held the same attraction as it did. Three years ago.
The white robe that Yunho had given him hung loosely off of his frail form, yet he looked stunning. He was truly like a fallen angel.
Yunho slid next to him, pulling him up into his embrace.
“Jaejoong-ah,” he murmured into his lover’s ear, “Why didn’t you come out of your room, boo? You're so quiet lately.” As his words flew out, Yunho could swear that Jaejoong’s body stiffened in his arms, but he dismissed that as his imagination.
Jaejoong’s head tilted up as their gaze locked, quietly exchanging meaningful looks. He wrapped his arms around Yunho’s neck, hugging the other close to his heart.
“I’m just tired.” Jaejoong whispered, feeling the warmth as he held on even tighter. Yunho, I love you so much. But why can’t you let me good? I-I can’t take it anymore…
Yunho smiled a little, placing a soft kiss on Jaejoong’s forehead. “I love you.” He declared.
Jaejoong nodded, “I know.”
Yunho soon found himself sitting in the living room. Alone.
A cunning fear gripped his whole being as he fought to control himself.
No, it’s ok. Jae is only tired. He’ll never leave me.
Never.
~
do not fly
like a bird
into the dawning sun …
let me clip
your silver wings
keep those feathers
that must be cut
stay with me
~
He carried the heavy bags to the front door, dropping them abruptly to unlock the entrance. He then picked the grocery bags, balancing his way inside. Once he dropped off the bags on the polished kitchen counter, he set forth to greet his Jaejoong. With eager footsteps, he approached the room he kept his beautiful lover. His hands automatically reached within his pockets, fishing for the keys he used to lock the door.
As he entered the unusually dark room, he felt something was off. Yunho soon found himself seething in anger when he realized his ‘angel’ was gone. Frantically, he slammed the wooden door open as he ran towards the back of the apartment where the fire escape was. He hadn’t seen Jaejoong when he was entering the apartment, thus, he concluded that the other was escaping through the fire escape. He tells me he loves me and yet, here we are. As he tore his way towards the fire escape, he spotted the green back door slightly ajar, followed by a slight sound of shuffling.
In no time, his body was sprinting past the open door. Yunho’s mind was racing, his thoughts clouding with the strong sense of hurt, betrayal, and anger. He couldn’t believe that the very person that he had entrusted with his heart, so soon had tried to flee with his soul at hand. Cruelty cannot possibly exist to this extent… He is a demon. He is the devil. A frown adorned his handsome face, I must clip his wings, or he’ll taint the world. Yunho could not comprehend why he had ever considered Lucifer himself to be an angel. He pitied his own foolishness.
All thoughts disappeared at once when he caught a glance of the small form of his lover. The pale man was racing down the stairs, stumbling as he did. Yunho scowled. He realized that Jaejoong was fully aware of his presence, yet he’s still running. He pushed his legs to climb down the iron stairs faster, his hands brushing against the railings for support and balance. The form of the latter was quickly getting closer as gravity pulled both downwards, the staircase cut off approaching them.
Yunho’s arms reached out with urgency, wrapping themselves tightly around the nearly hyperventilating chest. He pulled Jaejoong close, their motion coming to a speedy stop. Following their sudden halt, Jaejoong lost his composure, falling back with Yunho’s strong arms securely in place around him. The taller man was breathing heavily, his eyes trained on the blue sky. The bright rays of yellow were painted across the fluffy background, giving them a blinding effect. Yunho remained grim. The sun seemed to mock him in his misery. After all, his lover was no longer an angel. Who knew, for all he knew at this point, Jaejoong might’ve been playing with him all along, pretending to be sweet, caring, and innocent. He might’ve been Lucifer this whole time.
Yunho’s possessive grip was suddenly replaced with somewhat of a death grip. He could feel Jaejoong’s chest struggling to rise as it fought to inhale. He could also hear the labored breathing as the raven haired man fidgeted in his hold. Yunho kept the grip strong with one arm, and instead using his other hand to travel up the other’s body. The fingers entangled themselves with the loose strands of hair colored in the shade of night. He jerked the pale face to turn towards him, his eyes blazing fire as he did.
“I thought you said you loved me. You’re not only a demon but a liar too?” The terrifying part about their situation was that Yunho’s voice, although soft, seemed to overflow with fury and… something else. As a response however, Jaejoong uttered but a word, keeping his lips sealed, but allowing a soft whimper of a sort to escape his throat.
Yunho’s mood suddenly shifted.
There was a strange look in his dark orbs, and then…
He smiled.
The body of the smaller male beneath him started to shiver, Yunho let go of Jaejoong’s hair, patting it down as he stood up, his hand grasping the other’s wrist.
~
Yunho ran his hand over the smooth feathery back of Jaejoong’s wing. His gaze stayed trained on the silver glint reflecting on each single feather, the moon proudly shining over the sleeping city. His fingers played with the sharp solid blade of the scissor, his body leaning to whisper a quiet murmur in the ears of the man sprawled on the wooden floor.
“I’ll clip your wings, my dear. So that you’ll never. ever. leave.” He glided the shiny sharp edge of the cutting object roughly at the foot of each feather, clipping them off.
Soon, crimson liquid colored everything in sight.
~
tie it up
tie the arms
and legs
throw it in the river
and let it float
slowly
to the top
~
The bag was heavy on his shoulder.
The heavy river waters crashed on the banks.
~
you will break
you will leave
leaving me
and thus you
quite
alone
~
[FLASHBACK]
Yunho’s hand was cupped around Jaejoong’s cheeks, his lips pressed hard on the other’s pale ones. He gathered the small form, caressing every part of his lover’s body. A light shiver went up both their backs, the hair standing up straight on their arms. Yunho inhaled, his member hardening just by smelling the sweet scent. He knew that now, Jaejoong could no longer escape from his grasp. The mere thought of the situation repeating itself brought tears to his eyes. Imagining his fingers inches away from the fleeing form of his first love was painful.
He didn’t know if he could handle yet another incident like that. His memory was a bit fuzzy but he knew that he had always loved Jaejoong with all of his heart. He might’ve been a demon in disguise, but Yunho cared about him too much to simply let go.
Yunho cradled Jaejoong in his arms, lifting him up in a gentle manner to the soft bed a room away. He nuzzled his face in the raven hair, feeling the pleasant softness underneath his skin.
[END FLASHBACK]
Agonized shouts filled up the space, drowning Yunho in a head-spinning river of horror. He had no idea what was happening, all he knew was that someone he knew was hurt. It bothered him how familiar the voice sounded, and the sharp pain in his heart did not help. Something was off and he… couldn’t figure it out.
For some reason, he could feel himself move, but he couldn’t see anything.
Then, the shouting stopped.
Just like that.
[DAYS LATER]
Yunho stretched his legs, the stiff muscles sore from laying down too long. His eyes were glued to the blank wall ahead. He could tell that he was missing something. However, lately, he could not trust himself. All he could recall was feathers. Lots and lots of feathers. It was strange really, it was almost like he had a black hole where his heart should’ve been.
The silence was maddening.
He often tried to call his friends, but the phone operator kept repeating that the numbers he called did not exist. How could all of his friend’s numbers be non-existent?
Impossible.
~
Somewhere along his saddening days, he realized what was missing. His lover, his angel. He was gone. What for, he did not know. He missed him dearly. But he still didn’t know why he was just remembered flashes of him. Some of the most consistent flashes were of a man in the kitchen, cooking.
Yunho was for the nth time huddled in the corner of the room. His vision was somehow shifting, the colors of the room changing. A strange blurry object sneaked into his line of vision as the dark wallpaper faded, the broken glass on the floor disappeared, and the mangled painting on the wall seemingly dissolved into thin air. Somewhere between his thrashing and broken shouts, Yunnho recognized the blurry object as a man as it approached him. He couldn’t understand why his room was suddenly… White. He didn’t even know why he was struggling.
~
this was a dream
well marketed
this is
this has been
this is still
a dream
~
Yunho slowly shut his eyes, the exhaustion finally catching up with him.
As soon as he did, the bright sun shining down on him blinded him momentarily. And at that, he immediately recognized the dream setting but unconsciously, he decided to pretend he was awake.
Yunho looked around the meadow, smiling as a gentle breeze swept through the waving grassland. His eyes landed on a single man, standing in front of the quiet river running a couple yards away from his position. Yunho approached the figure, his hand brushed the shorter male’s shoulder, causing a jerking reaction from the other. His head snapped to the side, allowing Yunho to gasp. I-I recognize him. Wh-who is he? Yunho didn’t know why he did it, but he suddenly hugged the man, a name automatically escaping his lips.
“Jaejoong.”
His arms were wrapped around the said man, his hands holding the back of the raven colored hair, holding him close to his chest.
It felt nice.
Yunho pulled away from the hug, studying the pale face. His hand caressed the soft cheeks, a happy chuckle escaping his throat. As soon as Jaejoong broke into a smile, he felt like he was on autopilot from that point on. He let his fingers run through the silky strands, a burst of warmth spreading from his chest to the other parts of his body. He smiled again, bringing his lips close to Jaejoong’s ear.
“I love you.”
~
you and love
you don't exist
love cannot be
you cannot be
you exist in a dream
~
Yunho quietly watched Jaejoong as they made their way towards the beach. He chuckled softly as Jaejoong untangled their fingers to bounce happily to the edge of the moving water. The salty ocean water washed up the shore as Yunho observed Jaejoong’s childish antics. The sun was shining brightly despise the fact that it was around sunset.
However, Yunho could not keep himself from thinking about the thoughts that were slowly creeping back into his mind. As successful as he was, even Yunho couldn’t keep himself believing his high-end lies. Once in a while, he would slip up and remember that everything was in fact, a dream. Nothing was real. His eyes traveled down to the sand under his feet as he sat down. His long fingers let the sand run through them.
A somewhat bitter thought crossed his mind. He knew that the sand wasn’t real. The beach wasn’t real. Their love… wasn’t real. And… the stranger angel he had somehow recognized…
wasn’t…
real…
~
it is
it would be
it was beautiful
you are beautiful
~
Jaejoong laughed, throwing his head back as he sneaked a glanced as Yunho. The pink flower stuck in Yunho’s hair stood out like a sore thumb, shining brightly in the midst of the dark brown glossy hair. Yunho too chuckled, knowing that he probably looks ridiculous. But he didn’t regret letting Jaejoong stick a flower in his hair. He guessed that the sweet floral scent surrounding them in the meadow he first saw Yunho was just too tempting.
They laid back in the numerous blades of grass, allowing the small pointy leaves tickle their backs as they held each other. Yunho genuinely enjoyed their time together. He blindly reached for the pale hands, his eyes glued to the blue sky. Once he felt the soft skin of Jaejoong’s hand touch his palm, he turned his head, looking at the other’s dark eyes, gripping his hand.
He turned his attention back to the sky. It was beautiful. He could even hear birds chirping, the river’s water flowing, and he would swear he could hear the sound of their love growing more and more pronounced. Everything was just so… beautiful.
Yunho once again looked at Jaejoong, memorizing the plump lips, the pale velvety skin, and the dark night colored orbs that twinkled mischievously whenever he looked at Yunho.
You are beautiful.
At that moment, he didn’t care that nothing was real. He didn’t care that the fallen angel could disappear, just like that. So he leaned forward, capturing the plump lips with his own. After they pulled apart, Yunho pulled Jaejoong even closer, placing Jaejoong’s head on his shoulder, his arms wrapped around the frail body.
~
no
no
no don't go
the dream was real
and it was beautiful
~
Yunho was back in the wonder land, a gleeful shine shone in his warm brown eyes. Soon, he spotted Jaejoong sitting on the branch of a large tree. One of his legs was dangling off to one side, while his back was supported by the large truck of the tree. He waved a hand, signaling that he too had seen Yunho.
After he climbed the tree to reach Jaejoong, Yunho sat next to the other, enjoying the simple time alone with his love. But the glee did not last long. The clear skies darkened, confusing Yunho. A large burst of fire startled them, a strange crimson colored flame burning everything in sight.
Yunho grabbed Jaejoong, holding him protectively. He was worried, worried that something bad would happen. He was about to murmur something when he felt the body in his arms… shifting. He looked down only to see the pale form becoming translucent in his arms. His eyes widened, horrified. Yunho’s hands trembled, his heart speeding up. His arms flailed around, trying to grasp the last bit of his love to no avail. The fading form leaned toward him, his hand gently caressing the other male’s cheek; he leaned in to whisper three words to the now weeping Yunho.
“I loved you…”
And he was gone.
Yunho’s vision became spotty as he found himself once again, face to face with the lonely white cushioned walls.
~
do not fall away
like a feather
lost once and then gone
~
From that point on, his visions with Jaejoong was sketchy, their moments short and inconsistent.
Yunho saw Jaejoong standing on the seashore, the water washing on his feet. When the taller male approached, Jaejoong turned around, angst evident in his watery eyes. Yunho broke into a sprint. Jaejoong!
As he got closer, Jaejoong mouthed ‘I’m sorry’. His eyes closed, and he was swept away with a breeze, his form disappearing, turning into feathers.
~
what I loved was a dream
that did not exist
you loved a dream
that could not exist
~
Yunho’s dark orbs stared blankly at the white ceiling. The brown straps restraining him dug into his flesh, yet his mouth stayed shut, unspeaking. His body was unmoving, but his mind was racing, his thoughts filled with flashes of the man he loved. I-I can’t remember his name… He knew nevertheless that the pale man had stolen his heart, and he knew, that he would never get it back.
His head turned to the side, his eyes landing on the I.V. drip.
A woman stepped in the ghostly white room, a cup of water in one hand, two white pills in the other. She forced a smile, leaning down to force feed him.
Once she left, he averted his eyes from the door, to the ceiling once more.
A single tear slid down his face, a chocked sob escaped his lips.
[DAYS/ WEEKS LATER]
Person 1: I’ve heard that he’s stopped seeing things.
Perosn 2: Yeah apparently his doctor has been keeping a close eye on him.
Person 1: Some of the nurses say that he killed his own boyfriend…
Person 2: I don’t know, maybe... the police officers that brought him in say that he was schizophrenic... he didn't even have a boyfriend.
~
if this was a dream
and did not exist
I loved you.
~
Yunho hadn’t “dreamed” in years.
~END~
A/N: so I decided to write this fic after kokura requested for someone to either co-write or take over writing a fic based on a poem she had.
IM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING ANYTHING ALL THIS TIME!!! Im so sorry I’ve been gone TT_TT
If you have been waiting for the warrior elite, I know you’re thinking: “how can she not have the muse to write the CLIMAX chapter??” Well, I don’t know either Y_Y
I’ll be trying my very best to finally write chapter 12 of the warrior elite
Im also working on my other fics, so please don’t loose faith L
Thank you so much for reading, putting up with my overdue updates and
Comment please ^______^ *yunjae cookies*