The most expensive $50 SBC will ever make
Okay, so basically SBC fucked me in the ass. On August 2nd, I ordered DSL from SBC Yahoo through Best Buy because our store was giving away $75 gift cards as an incentive. Here's what my Order Confirmation Receipt says:
"Order SBC Yahoo! DSL for a one-year term at $24.99 per month and receive an instant credit on the cost of the DSL modem (a $99 value). Plus get free activation (a $50 value) and a free self-installation kit (taxes and a $12.95 shipping and handling fee apply). Offer available only to new subscribers. The $99 modem charge will appear on the first bill along with the $99 instant credit. Modem is a new or fully inspected, test, and warranted return unit. The regular monthly price for the service will appear on the first bill along with any corresponding and offsetting credits..."
I think to myself, "Gee, that's not bad at all! No rebates!!"
I receive my first month's bill.
$108.69.
Fuck that.
I check the breakdown of costs and apparently, they didn't give me the $99 instant credit mentioned on the Order Confirmation Receipt, but rather only a $49.01 credit.
"Well, that's no big deal. It's only 50 bucks and I'm sure it's just a small mistake. SBC will fix it." WRONG!
I call the 1-800 number for the billing department and promptly inform the representative about my predicament. I inform him that I am holding, in my hands, a legal document that entitles me to an additional $50 credit. He insists on arguing with me and tells me that "the computer says it's a $49.01 instant credit and the remaining $49.99 is in the form of a rebate." This is an extraction of the conversation that ensued:
Me: "Why do I have to do the rebate? I'm staring at a fucking piece of paper that entitles me to an instant credit."
The high-school dropout who should work at a McDonald's instead: "Sir, it's the same. You still get your money after the rebate."
Me: "But that takes time! I want my fucking money now. I signed up for DSL under the impression that there were absolutely no rebates involved."
Aforementioned tool: "But it's the same."
Me (very pissed off): "Do you not understand a single fucking word I'm saying? It's not the same fucking thing! Let me speak to your supervisor. Now!"
He places me on hold. At this point, I'm think to myself, "SBC is a multi-billion dollar corporation. Why the fuck would they waste their time arguing with a customer about 50 bucks?!" But before I get to talk to the supervisor, Retard #1 decides to bring up some small-talk.
Idiot: "So, you like workin' at Best Buy?"
Me: "Yes."
Idiot: "Where're you from?"
Me: "Down South."
Idiot: "You up here for school?"
Me (annoyed): "Yes, I go to Berkeley. Dude, why the fuck are you asking me all these questions? Get me your fucking supervisor!"
If you know me, you know that Ray Bao doesn't like to waste my time with small-talk/casual conversation. I reserve that for the bitches.
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I finally get to talk to the supervisor. I let him know my situation and demand that I receive my $50 instant credit. Conversation:
Supervisor: "Unfortunately Ray, I cannot process the credit unless I see the document where it says you're entitled to it."
Me: "I'm holding it in my hands, would you like me to fax it to you?"
Supervisor: "We don't have a fax."
Me: "Do you have an address I can mail a copy of it to?"
Supervisor: "No."
Me: "Why don't you just give me the address of the call center you're at right now and I'll drive over there and fucking hand it to you?"
Supervisor: "Unfortunately, we cannot give the address of this call center out. The only customer contact with SBC is through telephone."
Me: "What the fuck? You said you can only process the credit if you see the document, but now you've told me there's NO WAY I can give it to you? You just fucking lied to me."
Supervisor: "I can direct you over to the rebate department and they can help you with the mail-in rebate to get you your money."
Me (fucking furious): "I DON'T WANT A FUCKING REBATE! I WANT MY FUCKING MONEY BACK NOW. WHAT PART OF THAT DON'T YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND? REBATES TAKE TIME. TIME IS MONEY."
Supervisor: "Unfortunately, the rebate is the only way for you to get your money back. There must've been a mistake in the Best Buy computers. You should go see them about it."
Me: "I FUCKING WORK FOR BEST BUY! THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH OUR COMPUTERS! DO YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE SBC IS THE ONE WHO PUT THEM IN OUR FUCKING STORE!! I TOLD HUNDREDS OF CUSTOMERS TO SIGN UP FOR SBC DSL BECAUSE OF YOUR OFFER FOR A $99 INSTANT CREDIT."
Supervisor: "I understand..."
Me: "No, you don't understand a fucking thing!! Why the fuck are you arguing with me? You're SBC for Christ's sake!! It's 50 bucks!!!! Why does your company pay somebody like you to ARGUE with customers over 50 bucks?? That's an insignificant fraction of what your company earns in revenue. Give. me. my. 50. dollars. now."
Supervisor: "I'm going to put this recorded conversation in for review. Somebody will review this and give you a call if necessary."
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Me: "I'm a fucking college student on my own, struggling to pay the mountain of bills that need to be paid. How the fuck do you expect to me cough up a hundred and ten bucks for fucking DSL?
Supervisor: "Y'know, what I can do is direct your bill over to a credit company and have them backbill you."
Me (FURIOUS): "Are you out've your fucking mind?! Why the fuck would I want to do that? If I don't have the money right now to pay for this shit, what makes you think I'll have TWELVE TIMES the money PLUS INTEREST in a year?? You're fucking retarded."
Supervisor: "Oh. Nevermind then."
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The conversation ended after 46 minutes and 33 seconds with the supervisor thanking me for my service. Yeah, right. Suck it.
I absolutely refuse to pay for this bill. I flat-out refuse to send money to a company that pays its employees to argue with customers instead of offering to help. I will never do business with SBC again, and neither should you. Enjoy the $50 you fucking assholes. I hope it was fucking worth every penny of it. Take note Comcast, T-Mobile, Capital One, etc. etc. Here's a very appropriate quote from Maddox:
Take note and think twice next the next time one of your dumbass representatives haggle with someone over a $20 charge. Is the struggle worth it? Are the few dollars being disputed worth the potential loss of business your company will receive permanently? The bottom line is: lose a few dollars here and there to make your customers happy, or lose your customers forever.
If SBC gave me my $50 back, I'd be more than willing to send in the payment and you wouldn't be reading this right now. Well-played fuckers. Well-played.
SBC can lick the the hairiest part of my balls.