on quiet nights...
tonight while in the quiet dressing room of the AB, i caught myself thinking about Russ. about the things he did, about his talent, about his sentance. it has been almost 3 years since he was convicted and he still has 6 to go. he was gonna go places, he was gonna do great things. he was so talented. he was one of my mentors. i still miss him and hurt for him every day. he made a mistake and is now paying for it, yet i still hurt for him. i want to write him, to talk to him. but idk what i would say. when i knew him he was so full of laughter and light, and i was so young, very young. but he was there for me as a friend, and guidance in theatre. he meant alot to me and it still blows my mind when thinking about him. when i saw his mugshot i almost cried. i didnt recognize the hard look in his eye. the harsh shape his face now made. it wasnt the russ i knew and loved as a friend. it was something else, something dark. but there was a glimmer there of the man i knew at one time. he was so young when he committed those crimes, 20. i cant imagine being in prison for close to a decade, losing your 20s, supposedly the best years of your life for nothing, for some silly prank gone bad.
i wonder what he is doing now, in prison. i wonder what he thinks about. i wonder if he would even know who i was if i mailed him a letter. T went and saw him once. i wonder what she said.
i remember malone coming into class the day after the news came out about it. everyone was talking about how hateful and evil he must have been. but he wasnt. he was my friend, someone i looked up to. how could he have done this to me? they didnt know him. they didnt understand how hurt I felt. malone asked if anyone knew him. i was the only one to raise my hand. i didnt talk much that day in class. i was too shocked.
"pullman car hiawatha" he directed me in this. it was my first dramatic role. a challenging role. one that i mastered and realized i had some talent, that my dream was within my grasp, that i could acheive it. he pushed me. taught me, helped me, coached me.
new york city. i remember him walking behind the rest of the group b/c he and eddie would smoke and didnt want the smoke to get in other people's faces. i remember wearing his beanie with my curly hair and him saying i looked like a snow bunny.
"anne frank" at hoover. so much talent on that stage from everyone. great production. "anne frank" at BSC great production but i remember laughing to ourselves b/c we thought that our highschool version was better but that russ did a fantastic job in this one as well. :) we were so cocky, but i still believe ours was better.
i miss him. i really do. i will never understand why he did what he did, but i forgive him because i know everyone does stupid things and makes mistakes. maybe i will write him a letter. i wonder if anyone knows the address.
i wonder what he is doing now, in prison. i wonder what he thinks about. i wonder if he would even know who i was if i mailed him a letter. T went and saw him once. i wonder what she said.
i remember malone coming into class the day after the news came out about it. everyone was talking about how hateful and evil he must have been. but he wasnt. he was my friend, someone i looked up to. how could he have done this to me? they didnt know him. they didnt understand how hurt I felt. malone asked if anyone knew him. i was the only one to raise my hand. i didnt talk much that day in class. i was too shocked.
"pullman car hiawatha" he directed me in this. it was my first dramatic role. a challenging role. one that i mastered and realized i had some talent, that my dream was within my grasp, that i could acheive it. he pushed me. taught me, helped me, coached me.
new york city. i remember him walking behind the rest of the group b/c he and eddie would smoke and didnt want the smoke to get in other people's faces. i remember wearing his beanie with my curly hair and him saying i looked like a snow bunny.
"anne frank" at hoover. so much talent on that stage from everyone. great production. "anne frank" at BSC great production but i remember laughing to ourselves b/c we thought that our highschool version was better but that russ did a fantastic job in this one as well. :) we were so cocky, but i still believe ours was better.
i miss him. i really do. i will never understand why he did what he did, but i forgive him because i know everyone does stupid things and makes mistakes. maybe i will write him a letter. i wonder if anyone knows the address.