i can still recall the way we were.
The past few weeks have been difficult, with Cast starting up again and the whole audition process. We are cast now; I got Tzeitel. It's a huge role (fifty lines!) and I'm very grateful, but I still feel the weight of the responsibility of it. There's a sort of emptiness that filled the days after the casting announcement. There are so much nerves involved and it's a bit like being plummeted, even when you get a good role. I'm still trying to figure out how to sort out how I feel about it and what state of mind I need to get into for this play. It's three hours long, and we're doing six performances over two weeks with three a weekend. Collin is our lead actor and he's being flown down from Virginia where he moved last summer. We have him until Wednesday, then he leaves to go home. He won't be back until late April, which is only weeks before we perform. I don't know why, but I feel like I did something to wound him deeply. We became good friends the performance week last year, and I don't know -- but I can't shake the feeling he's hurt. I don't think I ever was as kind to him as I should have been, though I'm still trying to figure out what I could have done better. As it has always been, the sins of comission haunt me the most. I hope we can all rebuild -- I don't know how or where it went wrong. There are too few roles in this play, and I think that may be it. Four main female roles and twenty-two actresses. I fear this may have set a mood of strife, and, though it be light and not noticable on the surface, I can still feel it. There is unrest amongst the actors. This makes the entire task difficult to get through because I am trying to weave together threads of relationships and the threads have been pulled too taut. I don't know if I can. Sometimes I feel like I'm too introverted.
Tomorrow will be wonderful. It's the last time I'll see Collin for three months. We're running the scene where Tzeitel begs Tevye not to make her marry Lazar. It's my favorite of my scenes. :)
I have hope that the sweetness will come back to our little group -- that undeniable bond that made us a family. My mother has been telling me to draw on the anointing. I have tried to before, but now I know it's even more vital if there is to be any sense of peace in the group. We need the Spirit in every corner of Cast, in the folds of our clothing, the sounds of our voices, the tone of the words we speak. I have told Him before I don't want to do this alone. I could -- He has given us all the ability from the womb to do what we wish -- but the way would be difficult and the burden far too heavy. No, I don't want to do this in my own strength.
Tomorrow will be wonderful. It's the last time I'll see Collin for three months. We're running the scene where Tzeitel begs Tevye not to make her marry Lazar. It's my favorite of my scenes. :)
I have hope that the sweetness will come back to our little group -- that undeniable bond that made us a family. My mother has been telling me to draw on the anointing. I have tried to before, but now I know it's even more vital if there is to be any sense of peace in the group. We need the Spirit in every corner of Cast, in the folds of our clothing, the sounds of our voices, the tone of the words we speak. I have told Him before I don't want to do this alone. I could -- He has given us all the ability from the womb to do what we wish -- but the way would be difficult and the burden far too heavy. No, I don't want to do this in my own strength.