Stick Figure Walling
Hi.
thehoyden: DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOUR SNEAKY, EVIL PLANS TO GET ME TO WRITE RPS! GOING THROUGH JEN IS CLEARLY NOT FAIR BECAUSE YOU KNOW I WON'T BE ABLE TO SAY NO! NAUGHTY!!
In other news, I have been productive lately. Although this is not really productiveness. This is crack. It has no purpose, except to make me laugh. And why is it that my crack always goes wierdly serious anyway? Except not. Because really.
Title: That Destiny Thing
Words: 2,066
Warnings/Summary: Arthur/Merlin. Crackity crack. The Great Dragon has a plan. Arthur doesn't like it. cienna MADE ME DO IT!
.That Destiny Thing.
"Merlin," the Great Dragon breathed, his voice serious, almost dangerous. It was times like these that Merlin felt the fine hairs on the back of his neck stand on end and the muscles of his back tighten uncomfortably. Merlin knew to listen.
"This is important," the Great Dragon said. It lifted its great head slowly, then lowered it again and its eyes stared unblinking at Merlin. "So listen well, young Warlock, for if you do not do as I say, Arthur Pendragon will surely die."
Merlin stepped back, his stomach suddenly feeling stone cold and his mouth dry. It was always like this when he thought that Arthur might die. That Arthur could die and leave a hole in the fabric of Camelot that nothing could repair. That he might not be there, in Merlin's life, annoying him and making him clean his ridiculous boots and polish his pointlessly extravagant saddle. It scared Merlin, when he thought about it, that in such a short time Arthur had become such an integral part of Merlin's very existence.
So to think that Arthur might die, that it was up to him to make sure it didn't happen, to know that he was responsible, sometimes it felt like too much. It felt like the weight of it all on his shoulders, when there was so much he didn't know and so much he couldn't do, was buckling his spine and driving him to his knees. To know that it would be his fault if Arthur died, because of his failure, his lack of knowledge, his weakness. Merlin knew he could not bear that most of all.
So he nodded, held his breath so as not to miss anything the Great Dragon might tell him. And the dragon's voice echoed off the cold walls of the cave.
"You must sleep with Arthur."
There was silence then, and Merlin thought that he must have misheard.
"Sorry?" he said.
The Dragon frowned, or what Merlin took to be a frown, and for a moment Merlin was afraid.
"You must have sex with Arthur," the Dragon said, more slowly this time, the words clipped. There was, Merlin thought, no misunderstanding that. He shook his head in confusion.
"Let me see if I understand you correctly," Merlin said. "If I don't... have sex with Arthur, he will die."
"That is the way of it," the Dragon boomed, sounding pleased and leaning its great head down so close to Merlin that he could feel the warm breath from its nostrils. "And you must bring him here."
Merlin choked. "Bring him... but..."
"If you do not!" The Dragon reared back, flung its head to the side. "Your Arthur will die and your destiny will lie in ruins! All of Camelot and all that lies beyond will lie in ruins! You must do this!"
"He doesn't know though, about anything. And I..." Merlin pleaded, not able to grasp how doing such a thing, with Arthur, could in anyway prevent his death. And imagining how Arthur would take to being told both that Merlin was a sorcerer in league with the Dragon, and he had to sleep with him. Merlin thought he was the one more likely to be the one doing the dying.
The Dragon cut him off with a growl, annoyed again. "How you bring him here is up to you. But you must do it, and you must do it soon!"
Merlin paused, feeling something very like anger. "I will not bring him here under false pretences, or trick him!" He was very nearly shouting, he knew that, and he knew that it probably wasn't wise to shout at the Great Dragon, but this was Arthur. It was too much as it was; the lies and the deception, without this.
The Dragon looked at him for a moment, yellow eyes heavy with something Merlin did not recognise. Then he layed down on the rock, his head resting against his great claws, and said softly, "Then tell him the truth. But this must be done."
Having no reason to doubt the Dragon's word, having no idea how he was going to so this, Merlin asked, "Is it part of our destiny? Have you foreseen this?"
"It is only as all things are; what has to be."
Merlin nodded, his mind racing with scenarios in which Arthur bludgeoned him to death his a candlestick, or cast him out, or laughed in his face. None of them were very appealing.
"To save Arthur's life?" he asked, and the Dragon hummed in reply. "Then I will do it." He turned away, climbing the stairs with feet that felt laden with lead. He did not hear the Dragon huff a laugh as he went, and he certainly did not hear the Dragon say, "For the future of Albion, young Warlock. For the gods know that, more's the pity, you two would never get together of your own accord."
*
"You will undo whatever madness you have cast upon my servant and you will do it now!" Arthur fumed, brandishing his sword at the Dragon. "Or I will do what my father did not and kill you where you stand!"
Arthur thought for a moment that the Dragon would not say anything at all, just continue to watch him with those large, unreadable, serpentine eyes as it sat, seemingly at ease on its great stone perch. He would not fear it, for his father had imprisoned it and was at his mercy, so he squared his shoulders, lifted his chin and made sure to stare at the dragon as it stared at him. And he was determined; he would not leave until the Dragon had undone whatever evil enchantment it had cast upon Merlin.
Finally, the Dragon seemed to sigh, a great breath the sound of which reverberated around the cavern. Then an odd sound, like a laugh, and the Dragon's deep, ancient voice said, "So he has told you then?"
Arthur narrowed his eyes, wondering what the Dragon could possibly gain from this; what it could possibly gain from attacking an innocent soul such as Merlin's.
"He has told me enough, Dragon. What have you done?" he demanded.
"I have told him what I have seen." It's lips curled and Arthur could see teeth and all he could think was that the Dragon was laughing. At him, at Merlin, at his father and at Camelot. And Arthur would not stand for it. Arthur could smell the lies in the air, there was no doubt in his mind at that, and he stepped forward, his sword pointing towards the Dragon's heart.
"I will do as I say, Dragon," Arthur assured it. He would not hesitate, if it would not let Merlin go. It would have no influence on Camelot. Arthur would not allow it. "I will rip your heart out and feed it to the hunting dogs."
The Dragon just laughed, and Arthur would have run his sword through the damned creature's hide out of pure rage but then he heard a scrabbling behind him, and Merlin's panicked voice shouting, echoing down the steps, "Arthur! Arthur!"
"Merlin, you are not allowed to be down here!" Arthur watched the Dragon closely to see what it would do, to see if it would cast some spell or use the distraction of Merlin's appearance to attack him. But it just sat serenely, leaning against its front claws, watching Arthur curiously.
"Arthur," Merlin said again, and Arthur could hear him come to a stop just behind him, the light from his torch spilling more light into the cave. "This wasn't…" He came to stand in front of Arthur, his back to the Dragon. "Please don't do anything stupid."
"Stupid?" Arthur spat. "You're the one who said we had to have sex so I wouldn't die! You're the one who's been listening to Dragons." Arthur was sure the Dragon chuckled at that, and his frown deepened. "You will not make a fool of us! I will kill you, Dragon!"
And he really might have done, except Merlin put a hand on his shoulder and said, "Arthur, please. Don't kill him." He sounded so damned sincere that Arthur had to look at him and there he saw fear and worry and maybe exasperation. And defeat. "He has," Merlin said. "Helped me save you, many times," he admitted.
"It is all in your head, Merlin," Arthur insisted, turned back to the Dragon. "He has put it there."
Merlin shook his head. "I do not lie, Arthur. The Dragon has only told me what it knows."
"That is not a convincing argument," Arthur pointed out. "Dragon's are well known for their tricks."
"I have not heard that," Merlin said. Then shook his head again as if to clear it. "Is it so horrible?" he asked. "The thought of… sleeping with me." And the question was so sudden and so completely out of place that Arthur did not know what to say.
"Err," he tried, and Merlin looked at him and waited, and the Dragon leaned its head closer and exhaled great plumes of air that roused the dust at their feet.
This was, Arthur thought, insane.
"This is insane," Arthur said, now even more convinced that Merlin had been driven to madness by the Dragon. "I would never do such a thing in front of a Dragon!" he settled for. Because prince's did not own up to wanting to sleep with anyone until they were in your bed and unclothed and you were quite sure they were not trying to kill you or marry you.
"And in private?" Merlin asked. And, well, it wasn't like Merlin was a woman or some noble after something. But still.
"That's not the point," Arthur insisted. He glared at the Dragon. "You will remove this affliction now!" he shouted, and pretended not to notice Merlin's shoulders sag and the dragon shake its head in what seemed very much like a very human gesture of despair.
Then it stopped, titled its great head, then moved forward towards Arthur, its eyes narrowed. "I will," it said, voice like a soft growl. "If you sleep with young Merlin here." Its smile was all teeth, and Arthur might have been afraid if he was not so surprised as to almost drop his sword.
"If I…" he started, but then Merlin had turned away and was standing in front of his, facing the Dragon.
"But this is a lie!" he cried. His back tensed and his hands curled into fists. "If this, then what else?" he demanded. Arthur nodded. At least Merlin was getting it, finally.
"It is a lie for his own good," the Dragon intoned, holding up a claw. Merlin looked back at Arthur for a moment, his eyes lit gold by the flame of his torch.
"You see," the Dragon said. "I have released him from my enchantments somewhat already. Now hurry, young Pendragon! Before I devour his very soul!" And he did not miss Merlin's eye roll before he turned back to face the Dragon.
"He is strong enough to resist you," Arthur said, confident of this above all else; that Merlin was strong and that now he knew the truth of it, now Arthur was here, he would not succumb to the Dragon's evil any further.
"I think," Merlin said slowly. "I might be." He withdrew to stand beside Arthur, casting him a quick glance. Arthur nodded.
"See the truth of it, Dragon! Your malevolence will not hold sway! Do not attempt to harm my manservant again or I will not hesitate to have you killed."
He took Merlin's arm, drawing him away from the Dragon, only turning when he could no longer see the creature. He was quite sure he heard the Dragon's laughter behind him but chose to ignore it in favour of concentrating on Merlin's apparent ability to get himself into disproportionate, for a manservant, amounts of trouble.
"And now," Arthur said, sheathing his sword but not letting go of Merlin's arm. "You are coming to my chambers and we will see how you came to be embroiled with a Dragon."
He heard Merlin swallow, and felt him fidgeting in his grip. "Or," he added. "We could see about this sex."
*
Back in the cave, the Great Dragon sighed heavily and wished very much he had a scrying bowl.
.End.
Now, really, back to yet again slightly cracky but ever so satisfying epics!
thehoyden: DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOUR SNEAKY, EVIL PLANS TO GET ME TO WRITE RPS! GOING THROUGH JEN IS CLEARLY NOT FAIR BECAUSE YOU KNOW I WON'T BE ABLE TO SAY NO! NAUGHTY!!
In other news, I have been productive lately. Although this is not really productiveness. This is crack. It has no purpose, except to make me laugh. And why is it that my crack always goes wierdly serious anyway? Except not. Because really.
Title: That Destiny Thing
Words: 2,066
Warnings/Summary: Arthur/Merlin. Crackity crack. The Great Dragon has a plan. Arthur doesn't like it. cienna MADE ME DO IT!
.That Destiny Thing.
"Merlin," the Great Dragon breathed, his voice serious, almost dangerous. It was times like these that Merlin felt the fine hairs on the back of his neck stand on end and the muscles of his back tighten uncomfortably. Merlin knew to listen.
"This is important," the Great Dragon said. It lifted its great head slowly, then lowered it again and its eyes stared unblinking at Merlin. "So listen well, young Warlock, for if you do not do as I say, Arthur Pendragon will surely die."
Merlin stepped back, his stomach suddenly feeling stone cold and his mouth dry. It was always like this when he thought that Arthur might die. That Arthur could die and leave a hole in the fabric of Camelot that nothing could repair. That he might not be there, in Merlin's life, annoying him and making him clean his ridiculous boots and polish his pointlessly extravagant saddle. It scared Merlin, when he thought about it, that in such a short time Arthur had become such an integral part of Merlin's very existence.
So to think that Arthur might die, that it was up to him to make sure it didn't happen, to know that he was responsible, sometimes it felt like too much. It felt like the weight of it all on his shoulders, when there was so much he didn't know and so much he couldn't do, was buckling his spine and driving him to his knees. To know that it would be his fault if Arthur died, because of his failure, his lack of knowledge, his weakness. Merlin knew he could not bear that most of all.
So he nodded, held his breath so as not to miss anything the Great Dragon might tell him. And the dragon's voice echoed off the cold walls of the cave.
"You must sleep with Arthur."
There was silence then, and Merlin thought that he must have misheard.
"Sorry?" he said.
The Dragon frowned, or what Merlin took to be a frown, and for a moment Merlin was afraid.
"You must have sex with Arthur," the Dragon said, more slowly this time, the words clipped. There was, Merlin thought, no misunderstanding that. He shook his head in confusion.
"Let me see if I understand you correctly," Merlin said. "If I don't... have sex with Arthur, he will die."
"That is the way of it," the Dragon boomed, sounding pleased and leaning its great head down so close to Merlin that he could feel the warm breath from its nostrils. "And you must bring him here."
Merlin choked. "Bring him... but..."
"If you do not!" The Dragon reared back, flung its head to the side. "Your Arthur will die and your destiny will lie in ruins! All of Camelot and all that lies beyond will lie in ruins! You must do this!"
"He doesn't know though, about anything. And I..." Merlin pleaded, not able to grasp how doing such a thing, with Arthur, could in anyway prevent his death. And imagining how Arthur would take to being told both that Merlin was a sorcerer in league with the Dragon, and he had to sleep with him. Merlin thought he was the one more likely to be the one doing the dying.
The Dragon cut him off with a growl, annoyed again. "How you bring him here is up to you. But you must do it, and you must do it soon!"
Merlin paused, feeling something very like anger. "I will not bring him here under false pretences, or trick him!" He was very nearly shouting, he knew that, and he knew that it probably wasn't wise to shout at the Great Dragon, but this was Arthur. It was too much as it was; the lies and the deception, without this.
The Dragon looked at him for a moment, yellow eyes heavy with something Merlin did not recognise. Then he layed down on the rock, his head resting against his great claws, and said softly, "Then tell him the truth. But this must be done."
Having no reason to doubt the Dragon's word, having no idea how he was going to so this, Merlin asked, "Is it part of our destiny? Have you foreseen this?"
"It is only as all things are; what has to be."
Merlin nodded, his mind racing with scenarios in which Arthur bludgeoned him to death his a candlestick, or cast him out, or laughed in his face. None of them were very appealing.
"To save Arthur's life?" he asked, and the Dragon hummed in reply. "Then I will do it." He turned away, climbing the stairs with feet that felt laden with lead. He did not hear the Dragon huff a laugh as he went, and he certainly did not hear the Dragon say, "For the future of Albion, young Warlock. For the gods know that, more's the pity, you two would never get together of your own accord."
*
"You will undo whatever madness you have cast upon my servant and you will do it now!" Arthur fumed, brandishing his sword at the Dragon. "Or I will do what my father did not and kill you where you stand!"
Arthur thought for a moment that the Dragon would not say anything at all, just continue to watch him with those large, unreadable, serpentine eyes as it sat, seemingly at ease on its great stone perch. He would not fear it, for his father had imprisoned it and was at his mercy, so he squared his shoulders, lifted his chin and made sure to stare at the dragon as it stared at him. And he was determined; he would not leave until the Dragon had undone whatever evil enchantment it had cast upon Merlin.
Finally, the Dragon seemed to sigh, a great breath the sound of which reverberated around the cavern. Then an odd sound, like a laugh, and the Dragon's deep, ancient voice said, "So he has told you then?"
Arthur narrowed his eyes, wondering what the Dragon could possibly gain from this; what it could possibly gain from attacking an innocent soul such as Merlin's.
"He has told me enough, Dragon. What have you done?" he demanded.
"I have told him what I have seen." It's lips curled and Arthur could see teeth and all he could think was that the Dragon was laughing. At him, at Merlin, at his father and at Camelot. And Arthur would not stand for it. Arthur could smell the lies in the air, there was no doubt in his mind at that, and he stepped forward, his sword pointing towards the Dragon's heart.
"I will do as I say, Dragon," Arthur assured it. He would not hesitate, if it would not let Merlin go. It would have no influence on Camelot. Arthur would not allow it. "I will rip your heart out and feed it to the hunting dogs."
The Dragon just laughed, and Arthur would have run his sword through the damned creature's hide out of pure rage but then he heard a scrabbling behind him, and Merlin's panicked voice shouting, echoing down the steps, "Arthur! Arthur!"
"Merlin, you are not allowed to be down here!" Arthur watched the Dragon closely to see what it would do, to see if it would cast some spell or use the distraction of Merlin's appearance to attack him. But it just sat serenely, leaning against its front claws, watching Arthur curiously.
"Arthur," Merlin said again, and Arthur could hear him come to a stop just behind him, the light from his torch spilling more light into the cave. "This wasn't…" He came to stand in front of Arthur, his back to the Dragon. "Please don't do anything stupid."
"Stupid?" Arthur spat. "You're the one who said we had to have sex so I wouldn't die! You're the one who's been listening to Dragons." Arthur was sure the Dragon chuckled at that, and his frown deepened. "You will not make a fool of us! I will kill you, Dragon!"
And he really might have done, except Merlin put a hand on his shoulder and said, "Arthur, please. Don't kill him." He sounded so damned sincere that Arthur had to look at him and there he saw fear and worry and maybe exasperation. And defeat. "He has," Merlin said. "Helped me save you, many times," he admitted.
"It is all in your head, Merlin," Arthur insisted, turned back to the Dragon. "He has put it there."
Merlin shook his head. "I do not lie, Arthur. The Dragon has only told me what it knows."
"That is not a convincing argument," Arthur pointed out. "Dragon's are well known for their tricks."
"I have not heard that," Merlin said. Then shook his head again as if to clear it. "Is it so horrible?" he asked. "The thought of… sleeping with me." And the question was so sudden and so completely out of place that Arthur did not know what to say.
"Err," he tried, and Merlin looked at him and waited, and the Dragon leaned its head closer and exhaled great plumes of air that roused the dust at their feet.
This was, Arthur thought, insane.
"This is insane," Arthur said, now even more convinced that Merlin had been driven to madness by the Dragon. "I would never do such a thing in front of a Dragon!" he settled for. Because prince's did not own up to wanting to sleep with anyone until they were in your bed and unclothed and you were quite sure they were not trying to kill you or marry you.
"And in private?" Merlin asked. And, well, it wasn't like Merlin was a woman or some noble after something. But still.
"That's not the point," Arthur insisted. He glared at the Dragon. "You will remove this affliction now!" he shouted, and pretended not to notice Merlin's shoulders sag and the dragon shake its head in what seemed very much like a very human gesture of despair.
Then it stopped, titled its great head, then moved forward towards Arthur, its eyes narrowed. "I will," it said, voice like a soft growl. "If you sleep with young Merlin here." Its smile was all teeth, and Arthur might have been afraid if he was not so surprised as to almost drop his sword.
"If I…" he started, but then Merlin had turned away and was standing in front of his, facing the Dragon.
"But this is a lie!" he cried. His back tensed and his hands curled into fists. "If this, then what else?" he demanded. Arthur nodded. At least Merlin was getting it, finally.
"It is a lie for his own good," the Dragon intoned, holding up a claw. Merlin looked back at Arthur for a moment, his eyes lit gold by the flame of his torch.
"You see," the Dragon said. "I have released him from my enchantments somewhat already. Now hurry, young Pendragon! Before I devour his very soul!" And he did not miss Merlin's eye roll before he turned back to face the Dragon.
"He is strong enough to resist you," Arthur said, confident of this above all else; that Merlin was strong and that now he knew the truth of it, now Arthur was here, he would not succumb to the Dragon's evil any further.
"I think," Merlin said slowly. "I might be." He withdrew to stand beside Arthur, casting him a quick glance. Arthur nodded.
"See the truth of it, Dragon! Your malevolence will not hold sway! Do not attempt to harm my manservant again or I will not hesitate to have you killed."
He took Merlin's arm, drawing him away from the Dragon, only turning when he could no longer see the creature. He was quite sure he heard the Dragon's laughter behind him but chose to ignore it in favour of concentrating on Merlin's apparent ability to get himself into disproportionate, for a manservant, amounts of trouble.
"And now," Arthur said, sheathing his sword but not letting go of Merlin's arm. "You are coming to my chambers and we will see how you came to be embroiled with a Dragon."
He heard Merlin swallow, and felt him fidgeting in his grip. "Or," he added. "We could see about this sex."
*
Back in the cave, the Great Dragon sighed heavily and wished very much he had a scrying bowl.
.End.
Now, really, back to yet again slightly cracky but ever so satisfying epics!